To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

Sixteen years with a parent that loves you is more than a lot of children get.

That’s all I had with my father. And I did miss him being there for my major life events. It’s easy to dismiss this aspect if you haven’t actually experienced it.

@CounsellorTroi
a) None of your business
b) If it’s the same girl I’m thinking of, she has a very large extended ‘family’ network, including 37 Godparents, a number of which are very much part of her life, and some very interesting notable individuals, and leads a very nice and fulfilling life

Not clear if the child is even genetically hers.

There is zero possibility that the child is genetically hers,

She's not the average 65 yr old though is she?

I think quite a lot of us could be dead before our children reach 30, for a number of sad and unforeseen reasons

The child will only be genetically hers if she froze her eggs.

I always though having dc in general was selfish. I have dc too.

So only young genetically linked to their child Women should be mothers. Wow

@Viviennemary

The child will only be genetically hers if she froze her eggs.

Egg freezing technology is relatively new. She would already have been too old at the time it became possible.

@RealBecca has some goods point. Whilst I have issues around surrogacy is it selfish to have a child despite being unhealthy or unwell or not financially stable?

Would it be an issue if she had adopted?

I seriously doubt she would have been allowed to adopt a baby at 64.

So you would be against older people adopting?

Adopting babies yes. Not older children.

I'd be against a person in their sixties adopting a baby, yes.

She is an extremely talented and accomplished woman who has stepped away from her career to give everything to her child, including making sure she had a support network in place. She thought long and hard about the decision. There are plenty of people who bring children into the world who give little thought to nurturing them to realise their potential. Good luck to her. I am sure the child will benefit hugely from her care and experience.

[quote DoubleTweenQueen]@CounsellorTroi
a) None of your business
b) If it’s the same girl I’m thinking of, she has a very large extended ‘family’ network, including 37 Godparents, a number of which are very much part of her life, and some very interesting notable individuals, and leads a very nice and fulfilling life[/quote]
Yes I heard her on woman's hour and she says she has tried to ensure her daughter has a big support network. However nothing compares to your mum though does it, and to know you are not going to be able to see them into adulthood is quite selfish I think.

I'd be against a person in their sixties adopting a baby, yes.

Even if it were their own grandchild? (Not that uncommon.)

Even if it were a child who would otherwise be brought up in a substandard orphanage?

I think it stinks of privilege to be honest, to buy a baby at 64 and think it's okay because you surround them with artists. She admits that quite a few of the 37 godparents are not involved in her life right now.

Yeah, very selfish. Especially as the kid doesn't have another parent, and it seems she's likely shortened her life by smoking 40 fags a day for however long.

As for blokes who knock their partner up when they're at an advanced stage of life - every bit as bad in my opinion, and they DO get articles complaining that they've been selfish (cf Mick Jagger) - honestly, I was a bit WTF? when Boris Johnson became a father again in his mid-fifties, he hardly cuts a figure of glowing health who'll be an active dad for the next 20 or so years. I can't see this lady, for instance, helping her child move into university when she's in her 80's! Best of luck to her, but I think it's a very self-defeating decision to make at that stage of life...

I'm not an expert on adoption, but my impression was that in the UK it's very tightly controlled, for the sake of the child (as I said above). Adoption is not there nowadays for the parents. It's about finding exceptional parents for children who at a minimum have lost their biological parents and in many cases have many difficulties - behavioural and emotional issues, physical and mental health problems.

Adoption from outside the UK creates additional problems of uprooting the child from her/his own culture.

So yes, I'd have a big problem with a 64 year old, whether male or female, adopting a newborn child, but in the UK it just wouldn't happen (maybe unless it was a kinship adoption? others will know more than I do here).

@CounsellorTroi

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

It is, just as being a second or third time mother, or a first or a fifth time father in one's sixties is incredibly selfish. Men have been doing it for much of human history, it is a shame that some women (luckily very few) have decided to copy them in this behaviour.

37 godparents! That's like people with 1000 'friends' on Facebook, isn't it.

However nothing compares to your mum though does it

Depends on the mum. I had a stable, relatively privileged childhood - but never a close relationship with my mother. No sob story there at all; yet that there were many other relatives I was (and am) much closer to as a young adult.

Agree with Gasp0de