Page 4 | To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/09/2021 11:08

Adoption should be for the benefit of the child, not the prospective parents. That's a huge change in attitudes in my lifetime, and one I totally agree with. Getting approved to adopt in the UK takes a long time and is difficult, and so it should be. Lots of evidence about the toll separation from birth parents takes on a child. It takes special people to help that child come to terms with that loss.

ditalini · 19/09/2021 11:09

Pia will no doubt commission a carer/companion for her mum, just as her mum commissioned a nanny for her.

Let's not pretend that money doesn't make all this waaaaay easier. Many children become young carers. Pia will not be one of them.

Are there any background checks in situations where someone basically commissions a child into existence? I guess not, in the same way there are no background checks for a natural conception, but this feels.much closer to adoption given that the child was very likely not biologically linked nor carried by her mother.

Just because we can doesn't mean we should.

TeloMere · 19/09/2021 11:12

Having a baby at any age is a selfish act.

Limejuiceandrum · 19/09/2021 11:15

Yeah the whole is Pia going to be a young carer.
It’s like saying is Bernie ecclestons kid going to become a young carer.

Hilarious

The child has a father who is younger who is in her life.

TableFlowerss · 19/09/2021 11:19

@Limejuiceandrum

Yeah the whole is Pia going to be a young carer. It’s like saying is Bernie ecclestons kid going to become a young carer.

Hilarious

The child has a father who is younger who is in her life.

Yeah, hilarious

Let me tell you (from experience) - Losing a parent at any age is hard, but losing a parent in your late teens/early 20’s is harder!!! Not there to see you get married, have kids etc, kids having no grandparents….

TableFlowerss · 19/09/2021 11:20

Nothing funny about making a decision where the above situation is going to happen!

milkyaqua · 19/09/2021 11:22

@Limejuiceandrum

Well I know friends of friends, and she’s one of the fittest women I know. Also the father is much younger, and involved. She’s well off, and a loving brilliant mother, who if she dies prematurely will leave a daughter with a massive extended close loving family and a young father.

Ive met many 45 year olds that can’t walk to the bus stop, and I imagine if she was not fit or healthy or didn’t have a good network and a young father then she probably wouldn’t have done it.

How is that any different from the thousands of men who have children at 64.

I agree with you. One look at the photos shows a strong modern woman in the remarkable health many women are now able to enjoy in their sixties and well onwards. Clearly not short of a crust, also.

As both you and the article have said: 'Pia also has a wonderful relationship with her father and his family, who see her all the time. My own five sisters are much-loved aunts, and Pia’s many godparents play an active role in her life.'

It might be unusual, but it is not 'selfish'.

Limejuiceandrum · 19/09/2021 11:22

@TableFlowerss
What’s that got to do with being a parent?

Also why would you massively project your life experience on a woman and a family structure whom you know nothing about.

The double standards on mn are mad sometimes, it’s selfish to have a child full stop. No one needs to have one. The age one has a child is one of the least bad parts about the whole circus.

Original poster

CounsellorTroi · 19/09/2021 11:25

Are there any background checks in situations where someone basically commissions a child into existence? I guess not, in the same way there are no background checks for a natural conception, but this feels.much closer to adoption given that the child was very likely not biologically linked nor carried by her mother.

If you’ve got the money, somewhere in the world is a doctor who will take it for treating you.

What got me as I said earlier was that she left it until she was in her late 50s to decide once and for all to pursue motherhood.

OP posts:

IsadoraQuagmire · 19/09/2021 11:27

@ItWearsTheBatteriesOut

Parenthood is selfish, I struggle to get upset about this, see the thread about one bedroom flat and pregnant with the third, that's no less selfish. Having children is selfish

That's the exact thread I thought of when I saw this one. Now THAT'S selfish (and stupid)

goinggently · 19/09/2021 11:29

She's banking on the best case scenario panning out, and even that is not brilliant for this child. YANBU

Jaxhog · 19/09/2021 11:30

@Mummybearroars

Yabu to say 'mother' instead of parent. Why is it okay for a man not a woman?

Exactly.

tbh, I don't see the problem provided they make proper provision.

Limejuiceandrum · 19/09/2021 11:31

@goinggently
This kids worst case scenario is a thousand times better than the scenarios I see on mumsnet most days.

DomPom47 · 19/09/2021 11:32

From the sounds of it she has a great support network of family and friends. She has the luxury of money and so much less everyday stress than some of us. She seems happy and from what is written her daughter is happy. I don’t see a problem.

MrsMaizel · 19/09/2021 11:33

Being that age myself I know how tired you get but let's be honest here she did not carry the child herself and get all the shit that entails . She has money and she has decided this is what she wanted . FOMO ? I don't have much regard for someone who does this .

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/09/2021 11:37

Not your business though, is it? Not mine either.

Presumably, she's fit enough and financially stable enough to take care of the child. That's better than some parents manage at half her age.

Nasty, gossipy thread about a woman... by other women. Ugh.

ThisIsNotAMill · 19/09/2021 11:37

I think that people who do this are in denial about how old they really are - looking young isn't actually the same as being young

Yes, this.

You may look great at 65. But your organs, muscles, bones are 65 years old and degenerating - the best dye job out there may take 20 years off your appearance but it doesn't take 20 years off your body.

It's far too old and selfish and irresponsible as hell.

Spyro1234 · 19/09/2021 11:38

I think it's selfish. The child will miss decades with her mother.

Silverswirl · 19/09/2021 11:38

A lot of parent hood is selfish. If there wasn’t a selfish element to it no one would have kids and the human race wild die out. Humans have survived and evolved in part due to selfishness- every species has!
I personally think it’s selfish to have kids knowing you are on benefits. I think it’s selfish to have kids without a husband or wife. Selfish to have kids from different fathers / mothers and I think it’s selfish to put yourself first, have an affair and break up your children’s family and security. However as I said humans are selfish

RealBecca · 19/09/2021 11:39

Is it also selfish to delay cancer treatment when pregnant rather than have an abortion?

Or to have kids after having cancer because it could come back?

Or to split up with a partner knowing the kids will see one parent less?

Or to have a dangerous job?

She could die during childbirth or a week later. Life isnt guaranteed. Leave the poor woman alone.

Sixteen years with a parent that loves you is more than a lot of children get.

Limejuiceandrum · 19/09/2021 11:39

also she is spending a huge amount of time with that child.
How many parents especially fathers see their children for an hour a day.

I don’t think Pia is likely to win the most fucked up child award. Just go on the stately home thread or any of the 1 in 10 threads on here that go on and on about being sexually physically and mentally abused as a child, or dads who are absent, or mums who are manipulating child contact. It’s shocking. I mean I guess Julia could be doing all of those things as well, but probably not.

As someone said upthread, losing a parent isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a human.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/09/2021 11:40

@Silverswirl

A lot of parent hood is selfish. If there wasn’t a selfish element to it no one would have kids and the human race wild die out. Humans have survived and evolved in part due to selfishness- every species has! I personally think it’s selfish to have kids knowing you are on benefits. I think it’s selfish to have kids without a husband or wife. Selfish to have kids from different fathers / mothers and I think it’s selfish to put yourself first, have an affair and break up your children’s family and security. However as I said humans are selfish

Yes exactly. Human beings (can't speak for other species), are selfish; their wants come before anything and everything else.

ChargingBuck · 19/09/2021 11:41

I think her previous career is relevant as head of an art gallery. I think this child is obviously very much wanted and loved, but is her latest acquisition to furnish her life. In the Saturday Times article from last week she doesn't discuss how the child came to be conceived and carried but it's a fair chance it was surrogacy, which I have ethical objections to for feminist reasons; it's always a commercial arrangement between a rich woman and a poorer one. This adds to my sense that this is an acquisition.

Agreed, @WineIsMyCarb - the latest 'project', & a nasty flavour of acquisitiveness underlying the flowery prose.

This stuck out of all the declarations of love ('cos nobody knows how motherhood feels until a privileged woman explains it) like a sore & very pretentious thumb:

I was advised by a dear friend to take PR advice about my daughter’s arrival

Yeah, right. To ensure the way remains clear for you to monetise the child you bought. I'm not implying that this was the primary motive, but it reeks of entitlement, & of parading her latest lifestyle accessory.

EmeraldShamrock · 19/09/2021 11:41

Very selfish of her.
There is no excuse for it surely she had her career, travel etc the usual reasons for a late baby well done by 40.
Some ppl think they're entitled to experience every part of life.

Twillow · 19/09/2021 11:43

@CounsellorTroi

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

Became a mother rather than had a baby - if you read the article she's very cagey about how it came to be. Not clear if the child is even genetically hers. On the other hand, she does seem full of vitality and thoroughly hands-on. Though also rich and privileged.