Daughter been uninvited from a party!!

[Meh86]

Please bare with the ramble.. So my 10yr old was invited to a party (Harry Potter world) tickets booked they are going next week! There was a bit of petty drama yesterday with a he said she said but they seemed to have sorted it, the birthday child came to my house today and was all laughs and giggles with dd and another child that comes after school, I then dropped the birthday child off for her gymnastics session (me and her mum was good friends I was doing her a favour) about an hour later I get a message saying her daughter wants to uninvite mine as she was crying 🤷🏽‍♀️ This child was absolutely fine when she was at my house so I was very confused. Anyway am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt and p£6)? Off at the mum and her daughter for so meanly uninviting mine to the party or am I being in my feelings? Personally I would never uninvite someone unless things was seriously bad between them but for a she said he said.. I’m pi$^]?

The parent hasn’t been able to explain to me why her d rang her crying, but check the next joke!
What does this mean?
@lottiegarbanzo
reads to me like she was invited for dinner instead.
b) She knows why her dd was upset but is unwilling to explain it to you, because to do so would involve criticising your dd, which she doesn't want to do, or feels you will react badly, making the whole issue worse.
Or maybe the op dd dint actually do anything.

Shes being nice and ringing you because she has realised the op done loads for her.And she doesnt want it to stop.

Anyway the time to ring the op was before she dis invited the child.
All she ad to do was pick up the phone and ask did the op dd upset her child.

So, if I were you, I would press for an answer on what happened, because if your dd did do something terrible, or unintentionally hurtful, you need to be able to work with her on that, to prevent a similar thing from happening again, with other children.

What I have noticed with children who are habitually unkind to other children, is that they don't recognise that they're doing anything wrong, because being unkind is 'business as usual' for them. It's their relationship model. They only react when another child falls out with them in a loud or unavoidably noticeable way.

“Sorry (not sorry) but your daughter isn't going to HP as she’s upset my DD I don’t know how”
“Here’s the crumbs of peace offering,she can join us for a meal (sooo generousof us), it’s even better than HP. It’s to keep you sweet in case my DD needs a lift or a playdate”.

OP,some people are users. Congratulations on dropping one. What she did was very cruel.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

As I said much earlier in the thread, speculation is pointless. It is positively unhelpful. The OP needs to know what actually happened.

It could have been a small thing that the other mum has badly overreacted to. Or it could be that OP's dd did something that upset the other girl. Possibly tipped her over the edge, after putting up with behaviour she dislikes from OP's dd for a long time.

OP will never know, if she isn't able to listen to the other mum explain it to her.

Funny how it only bothered them after the playdate though.
But the other mum doesn't know either, because op already asked her.

Well done OP on sticking up for your DD, these things can have lasting effects on children's psychological health.

@EspressoDoubleShot

I’m making an issue now by not answering her calls or replying to her messages So you’re now being petty to enact a retribution?

the other mum has tried to reach out with calls and messages and you’re not having it? She isn’t gaslighting you at all. It’s a straight up spat and you’re now not answering her… And it is all They will need me before I need them!….

Honestly, is all this necessary.

Or -

she's not answering the calls of a woman who's upset her daughter, because those calls are just full of self-justification and handwaving away OP's daughter's upset.

In her shoes I'd probably do the same.

You think that this woman is 'reaching out'. I think she's trying to stay on the gravy train of favours that the OP has been providing.

I want to say OP (and others) this is not a small thing - this is just appalling when you are neighbours/ members of a community together - you absolutely do not let children be unkind or mean to each other.

As a parent I have been really reaally shocked sometimes when I see adults bring their own shit to parenting like this - the mum should have said to the kid 'whatever it is, this is your friend you are going to honour your invitation' -

It's not like not inviting a bully to a party is it? This is two kids who are best friends who - even if they had a minor bicker- should be encouraged to get on with plans together.

I have really seen this sort of thing on the ground and it is vile - it is led by adults who are telling kids that this sort of petty mean crap is acceptable

If one of my children was uninivted to a close friends party they would be devastated - adults need to ensure children learn about kindness and dealing with minor issues in an appropriate way.

Even if there were tears - in a long running friendship - that does not allow a child to cut their friend off.

good for you OP

The 'after the playdate' point has been dealt with thoroughly upthread.

If one of my children was uninivted to a close friends party they would be devastated - adults need to ensure children learn about kindness and dealing with minor issues in an appropriate way.

^This 100%. The other girl’s mum did her no favours here.

@Generallystruggling

I think the Mum is to blame here 100%. 10 year old girls fall out constantly then make up the next day, it’s par of the course. There’s no way a child should be uninvited from a party unless they’ve done something absolutely horrendous but the Mum doesn’t even know what your DD has done. I’m going to guess someone else (probably a relative) wants to go to HP world and they can’t afford to have that person and your DD so your DD has been cut out. Totally shitty behaviour, HP world is a big deal for a 10 year old and birthday parties are in general. The Mum is a nasty twat, I’d avoid at all costs.

Yes, I think this is highly likely to be the case. I have seen it happen before.

Just wondering what sort of behaviour your DD displayed that warranted expulsion from a birthday event, but is equally acceptable enough to have her attend a birthday dinner?

Baffling.

You /your DD has been bumped off the list in favour of someone they want there instead. The honourable thing to do if a cousin or a new friend they wanted to impress was a last minute addition would be to pay extra, not un-invite a child.

Either way, the mother isn't gaslighting you. What she's doing is making lame excuses that don't add up. Just stop any lifts or playdates or any of that. If her DD suffers the loss of her friendship due to her mother's fuckwittery, so be it. This is an important lesson you can teach your DD about self-worth and not being a door mat for others..

. she keeps trying to justify her behaviour by telling me how I’ve blown this all out of proportion and I’m making an issue now by not answering her calls or replying to her messages 🤣 she’s gaslighting me 🙄 must be where her dd gets her horribleness from!

If your dd had done something bad enough to be uninvited then your ex friend wouldn't try to make amends. In fact she would robustly defend her dd.

I still think she used the ticket for another dc and felt your dd was the one she could cut out last minute.
Big mistake on her part.

It sounds like the mum keeps trying to call/message you trying to justify her actions (and keep the gravy train of lifts for her dd going).

Take your dd out that day to take her mind off it.

So has HP gone ahead without your DD?