Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter been uninvited from a party!!

165 replies

Meh86 · 17/09/2021 19:45

Please bare with the ramble.. So my 10yr old was invited to a party (Harry Potter world) tickets booked they are going next week! There was a bit of petty drama yesterday with a he said she said but they seemed to have sorted it, the birthday child came to my house today and was all laughs and giggles with dd and another child that comes after school, I then dropped the birthday child off for her gymnastics session (me and her mum was good friends I was doing her a favour) about an hour later I get a message saying her daughter wants to uninvite mine as she was crying 🤷🏽‍♀️ This child was absolutely fine when she was at my house so I was very confused. Anyway am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt and p£6)? Off at the mum and her daughter for so meanly uninviting mine to the party or am I being in my feelings? Personally I would never uninvite someone unless things was seriously bad between them but for a she said he said.. I’m pi$^]?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 17/09/2021 20:26

I think you should call your friend and listen, really listen, to what she tells you.

The incident may have been small for your DC but a much bigger deal for hers. If I were you I'd want to understand that.

It might be that her DC is particularly sensitive, that yours is particularly insensitive, or that you haven't heard the full story. Who knows. It would be worth finding out, for future relationships, whether with this child or others.

You cannot presume to know how another child feels.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/09/2021 20:28

YABU not to just write pissed, confusing to add p£6s to your post as I thought you were trying to reference having paid for tickets.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/09/2021 20:30

I agree with pp that it is a very poor move on the mother's part to uninvite a child, especially at short notice and to something so big. There would have to be a really, really big reason for that to be justifiable.

So I'd want to find out of there was a really, really big reason. Or not.

skybluee · 17/09/2021 20:32

I struggled to understand it too. Thought it was part of a different sentence (the brackets).

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/09/2021 20:32

Are you insinuating @lottiegarbanzo that the girl was pretending to be ok at op’s house? Interesting that the mum ensured the favour / play date happened first.

KaptanKatanga · 17/09/2021 20:33

How old is the mum? She must've had the DD very young as she's acting like a child herself. What horrible manners and a bad example to the DC. Say "don't know what happened, everything seemed fine when they were here and my DD is upset now to hear this. You probably are aware kids that age fall out and then make up all the time so my advice to you don't take things too seriously. Anyway I'll be taking DD to Harry Potter given we already paid. Bye! "

skybluee · 17/09/2021 20:33

To the original question, I like what Stompythedinosaur has said as it's straightforward and gets everything out in the open.

It seems like a very mean thing to do.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2021 20:35

@Mummyoflittledragon

Are you insinuating *@lottiegarbanzo* that the girl was pretending to be ok at op’s house? Interesting that the mum ensured the favour / play date happened first.
There was a very very extreme incident at DD's school two days ago. Criminally extreme. She came home, didn't even say anything, talked to the dog, wandered around, perfectly happy. I got an email, asked her about it, she was fine.

Quivering wreck this morning.

Children process things at their own pace. And OP studiously avoided telling what happened, so it could be serious.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/09/2021 20:36

My very point is that 'insinuating', like 'presuming', 'assuming', 'guessing' and 'implying' are utterly unhelpful here.

OP needs to speak to the friend (not message, speak) and listen very carefully.

That's the only way she can find out what is really going on here. Once she's done that, she can make an informed choice about what she does (and doesn't do) next.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 17/09/2021 20:37

I once had my dd uninvited because the other child got names mixed up and had intended to invite someone else!!!

However it really isn’t on, OP.

Peoniesandpeaches · 17/09/2021 20:46

@lottiegarbanzo

I think you should call your friend and listen, really listen, to what she tells you.

The incident may have been small for your DC but a much bigger deal for hers. If I were you I'd want to understand that.

It might be that her DC is particularly sensitive, that yours is particularly insensitive, or that you haven't heard the full story. Who knows. It would be worth finding out, for future relationships, whether with this child or others.

You cannot presume to know how another child feels.

Yup I agree. It’s not a “he said; she said” situation it is a “her daughter feels and your daughter did” situation. I’d find out what happened from the other mum and my daughter before getting too indignant. After all if the mum posted on here that her daughter had an on again/off again friendship with another girl but it had come to a head and she was in floods of tears saying she dreads her coming to her party most posters would say to uninvite the child.
Highfivemum · 17/09/2021 20:49

You say the mum is your friend ? So ask her. Say you are a tad confused as they were fine early. Say obviously if her daughter is tearful you need to know so you can sort it out. Confused as to why if she is a friend she didn’t try and sort it out 🤷‍♀️

HitMeWithYourStupidShit · 17/09/2021 20:51

@Sparklfairy

Feign ignorance, "oh thats strange, she was fine when she was here! You know what kids are like, what's happened?" To see if you can get more info and smooth things over?
Agree with this, and with all those who have agreed with it.
Winemewhynot · 17/09/2021 20:53

I mean I depends what actually happened and if it’s an isolated incident or if there’s been trouble brewing for a while between the girls.

Agree with PPs idea of feigning ignorance for more info! How will your DD take the uninvite?

AlexaShutUp · 17/09/2021 21:03

I would text and say "oh gosh, I'm so sorry, dd must have done something really awful to warrant being uninvited to the birthday party as I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't disappoint a 10 year old like that without a really good reason. I'm just so confused, they both seemed absolutely fine when i dropped them off at gym earlier, happy and laughing together - I honestly had no idea. Please can you tell me exactly what happened so that I can talk to dd about it?"

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/09/2021 21:05

I’d be fuming- I would prop just write “really? She seemed perfectly happy whilst here”

LizzieW1969 · 17/09/2021 21:16

I think you should definitely try to get to the bottom of what happened between the girls. It might be a trivial thing that has been blown out of proportion, in which case you and your friend need to resolve it. Assuming that it really was out of the blue and they’re not constantly falling out and making up again.

I remember my DD2 uninviting a friend from a birthday party a couple of years ago. The friend’s mum was a friend of mine so I was able to resolve it by having strong words with DD2 for her petulant behaviour.

OTOH, could something more serious have happened between them?

Either way, the advice is the same. Speak to the mum and see if you can get to the bottom of it.

Isawthathaggis · 17/09/2021 21:27

I also thought that the OP had paid £6 for a ticket.
From others replies I guess you mean pissed off? Not pissed, like drunk?
But annoyed?

Yes, I’d be fucking annoyed in the OP’s shoes and, if possible, take my child to Harry Potter and never extend the hand of helpfulness again.
The children may make up but it would be the last child care/favour I ever offered.

cookingisoverrated · 17/09/2021 21:30

That's really, really poor of the other parent.

I wouldn't be doing any pick ups or hosting of the other girl going forward if she follows through with the dis-invite.

TonytheDog · 17/09/2021 21:34

Maybe ask your DD if anything happened and also, clarify with the mum? Unless something catastrophic has happened, it's a shitty thing to do.

Od130990 · 17/09/2021 21:36

I personally wouldn't let it get between an obviously good friendship of your Dc & their Dc; the issue is clearly the mother
Don't dignify it with a response.

Ikeptgoing · 17/09/2021 21:37

Wait, you already paid? Or your child was already invited ? To birthday party at Harry Potter world?
And you had her child and somehow friendchild had no fall out with your DD and somehow later on precious cried and said no longer inviting your Dd to birthday party??!

I would be feeling nuclear at this point.
And if she uninvited your child I would miss her out on any future events and parties and invite everyone but her. Take that Susan , see how it feels to be cast aside.

And I would never invite her child over for play date nor anything ever again

Ikeptgoing · 17/09/2021 21:38

Also. Boom Harry Potter world foe your next outing or chime party

Never ever invite shit patent child to anything again

Ikeptgoing · 17/09/2021 21:39

Whoops auto incorrect !! I typed too fast!

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/09/2021 21:43

Look,Ignore all the have it out with the mum advice.you can’t compel her to invite dd
Keep it cordial, a simple text will suffice. Is my it still the case my dd is not invited to the party?
You’ll not coerce or cajole the mum into changing her mind so no point in generating drama