Page 3 | Daughter been uninvited from a party!!

Meh86 · 2021-09-17T18:45:46+00:00

Please bare with the ramble.. So my 10yr old was invited to a party (Harry Potter world) tickets booked they are going next week! There was a bit of petty drama yesterday with a he said she said but they seemed to have sorted it, the birthday child came to my house today and was all laughs and giggles with dd and another child that comes after school, I then dropped the birthday child off for her gymnastics session (me and her mum was good friends I was doing her a favour) about an hour later I get a message saying her daughter wants to uninvite mine as she was crying 🤷🏽♀️ This child was absolutely fine when she was at my house so I was very confused. Anyway am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt and p£6)? Off at the mum and her daughter for so meanly uninviting mine to the party or am I being in my feelings? Personally I would never uninvite someone unless things was seriously bad between them but for a she said he said.. I’m pi$^]?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/09/2021 21:45

I think I'd also be texting to try and find out exactly what happened. Ask for specifics so that you can talk to your daughter about it. And ask the mum if there is any way they can try sort it out beforehand and is she sure she wants to uninvite your daughter, because if it's just a typical short term squabble it would be a shame to take action that will really hurt your daughter and probably lead to the end of the friendship.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/09/2021 21:46

This was good advice from a PP

I would text and say "oh gosh, I'm so sorry, dd must have done something really awful to warrant being uninvited to the birthday party as I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't disappoint a 10 year old like that without a really good reason. I'm just so confused, they both seemed absolutely fine when i dropped them off at gym earlier, happy and laughing together - I honestly had no idea. Please can you tell me exactly what happened so that I can talk to dd about it?"

nannannanana · 17/09/2021 21:55

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

That's a really good text. So polite but so "are you fucking kidding me"

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 17/09/2021 22:01

I would just send a text saying “She was fine today at mine so I am surprised by this.”

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2021 22:07

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

This was good advice from a PP

I would text and say "oh gosh, I'm so sorry, dd must have done something really awful to warrant being uninvited to the birthday party as I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't disappoint a 10 year old like that without a really good reason. I'm just so confused, they both seemed absolutely fine when i dropped them off at gym earlier, happy and laughing together - I honestly had no idea. Please can you tell me exactly what happened so that I can talk to dd about it?"

If a mate sent this to me I'd assume that they were being really PA.

That's not how we text!

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/09/2021 22:10

Well seeing she didn't tell you about the disinvite until AFTER you'd done her the favour of dropping her daughter off at gymnastics. That's plain old Cheeky Fuckerism.

Think back OP. Does this mother have a habit of getting favours off you? Do you feel that they balance out over time, or is she heavily in 'debt' on the favours front?

littleloopylou · 17/09/2021 22:14

This is tough. It does seem possible that your child was very unkind or upset the other child to the extent it would impact their birthday. My own illustrative story below!

I took my daughter to meet a friend and his child (who previously got on with my child) at the playground, and the other child was absolutely awful, excluding my child (even though no one else was there!) And generally being dismissive.

My child was crushed and confused. "Why didn't x play with me?"

I mention this background because i would not want to invite my friend's child around after that - my child has been adamant that she has no interest in seeing the other child again, and I don't want to encourage/force her to be around people who make her feel bad. It's part of enforcing boundaries i think?

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/09/2021 22:16

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

I would just send a text saying “She was fine today at mine so I am surprised by this.”

Yup that’s pretty much nailed it

littleloopylou · 17/09/2021 22:17

Re this text: ""oh gosh, I'm so sorry, dd must have done something really awful to warrant being uninvited to the birthday party as I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't disappoint a 10 year old like that without a really good reason. I'm just so confused, they both seemed absolutely fine when i dropped them off at gym earlier, happy and laughing together - I honestly had no idea. Please can you tell me exactly what happened so that I can talk to dd about it?"

I think i would probably edit it down to: "oh gosh, I'm so sorry, dd must have done something really awful to warrant being uninvited to the birthday party. They both seemed absolutely fine when i dropped them off at gym earlier, happy and laughing together, so I am really confused! Please can you tell me exactly what happened so that I can talk to dd about it?"

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/09/2021 22:20

Mn suggested texts or speeches are always so stilted and too waffly a s long

SunbathingDragon · 17/09/2021 22:22

So they fell out, she doesn’t want your DD to attend the birthday trip but wanted to wait until after you had provided favours before saying this? That’s not how friends behave.

Blowingahoolly · 17/09/2021 22:27

Regardless of the whys and what’s, Bottom line is they uninvited your daughter. Don’t go all introspective etc. The mums a bitch and the kids worse. Fuck em and cut them off. Sorry to be so direct but been through it too many times and dwelling gets you nowhere x

Gazelda · 17/09/2021 22:32

HP World is hugely expensive! There's no way she'd waste the price of a ticket that she'd have had to book months ago unless something very serious has gone wrong.

Or she's invited too many by mistake and this is her sly way of culling numbers.

WombatChocolate · 17/09/2021 22:37

I’d reply to this with ‘I’m sorry if they’ve had one fo their callings out and X is feeling like this about Harry Potter. I assume though that you aren’t actually saying Y is uninvited, after she has been looking forward to it so much. I’m sure they will be friends again tomorrow, and please do let me know if there’s anything that I can do to help their friendship’

So I would out the onus onto the parent. Essentially it’s the parent who invited or de invited people not the child. So I’d put the onus on them to make the decision and take responsibility for it.

It was an odd message of the other Mum to send. If they have had a fall out and she thinks your DD is at fault, she should have texted about the issue. The party invite should have been left out of it. Fine to say ‘My DD has been very upset by….’. It’s not okay to say ‘My DD doesn’t want your DD to come to party’ - an adult saying that is an adult behaving and speaking like a child.

lanthanum · 17/09/2021 22:47

I wonder if there's a new friend on the scene, and so the "I don't want her to come any more" is seizing the spat as an excuse to create a space for the new friend.

littleloopylou's response sounds good.

MrsA2015 · 17/09/2021 22:48

Op you don’t happen to live in Yorkshire do you…

Pallisers · 17/09/2021 22:49

if the mother was a friend, I'd call her and say "do you know what happened that your dd was upset?"

The mother is a fool to be getting into reactive 10 year old drama imo. She should have told her daughter to sleep on it before disinviting your dd (because I suspect this kid will want to be friends with your dd in a couple of days but in real life you can't go around disinviting people and expect them to have any time for you again). To be honest she should have told her daughter that you don't disinvite people as punishment for percieved slights.

Viviennemary · 17/09/2021 23:02

Say fine. No more invitations to your house. When you have a party don't invite.

WombatChocolate · 17/09/2021 23:05

Yes, mother is daft for getting involved and stoking petty 10 year old squabbles.

Only reply to her DD should have been that you don’t uninvite after inviting.

Op shouldn’t get involved in the squabbles either. A bit of light laughter and comment which shows she still expects the other mother to be supporting the invitation/ showing no comprehension that any adult would uninvite a child seems best way forward.

‘Sorry to hear they’ve had another fallout. It’s lucky that we as adults manage the invitations isn’t it, as otherwise they’d all be inviting and us inviting all the time, without learning uninviting just isn’t the thing to do. I expect it will have all blown over by tomoorow’

50ShadesOfCatholic · 17/09/2021 23:17

As I understand it, the girls fell out at school but played fine when they were together at your place after school?

In which case, the mother won't have known about the school drama until she picked her daughter up from gym. So she wasn't "using you", you did a favour arranged before the fall out.

Not does it illustrate that the friend was fine. What choice did the friend have but to behave until she could confide in her mum? She isn't going to tell you all about how upset your daughter has made her, is she?

And kids don't work in a linear way. In fact, on the whole, people don't. Sometimes bad things happen and we're fine at first and then we fall apart.

My 12yo had someone pull a knife on him but came home all chipper. Wasn't until next day he texted to tell me. Explained it made him feel sick so had just tried to forget about it.

Also. Don't text unless to say how sorry you are to her this and you really want to understand what happened so you can talk to your child about it.

If you do the hugely long-winded and passive aggressive texts suggested above you'll make things worse.

Focus on resolution. I'm sure you're angry and that your child is devastated but try not to make it worse. Try to understand the other child's upset and work through the problem. Maybe the child and mum just need to be heard.

Divebar2021 · 17/09/2021 23:35

The argument between them happened yesterday though. The play date and the lift happened today so unless the other child stayed elsewhere yesterday evening that had the yesterday evening and this morning to discuss matters with their parent. It’s pretty shitty if you ask me…if I was the other parent I’d at least try to resolve the argument between the children before deciding it was not going to work. It’s not like kids don’t fall out with each other frequently.

MargaretThursday · 17/09/2021 23:42

@50ShadesOfCatholic