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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter been uninvited from a party!!

165 replies

Meh86 · 17/09/2021 19:45

Please bare with the ramble.. So my 10yr old was invited to a party (Harry Potter world) tickets booked they are going next week! There was a bit of petty drama yesterday with a he said she said but they seemed to have sorted it, the birthday child came to my house today and was all laughs and giggles with dd and another child that comes after school, I then dropped the birthday child off for her gymnastics session (me and her mum was good friends I was doing her a favour) about an hour later I get a message saying her daughter wants to uninvite mine as she was crying 🤷🏽‍♀️ This child was absolutely fine when she was at my house so I was very confused. Anyway am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt and p£6)? Off at the mum and her daughter for so meanly uninviting mine to the party or am I being in my feelings? Personally I would never uninvite someone unless things was seriously bad between them but for a she said he said.. I’m pi$^]?

OP posts:
eeyore228 · 19/09/2021 19:19

I think you need to find out what has gone on first and then sort it from there.

Skysblue · 19/09/2021 19:38

Wow that’s not ok. Sounds like the daughter planned throughout the playdate to do this as revenge on your DD and is acting upset with her mum to get an excuse.

Any friend of mine would tell their child “well they’ve been invited and accepted so you’ll just have to get over it.” I can’t think of any adult I know who’d support their child in such mean behaviour as to uninvite someone!

ejhhhhh · 19/09/2021 19:39

Oh yes @Tigger1895, it's out of order whatever the reason.

livinthedream1995 · 19/09/2021 19:50

Personally I think you need to find out exactly what happened. That’s not been included in your post and honestly, it’s hard to say whether your friend is being unreasonable or not without knowing WHY they’re being uninvited in the first place other than their child is upset. And if someone had text me saying they didn’t want to invite my child to their birthday outing/party anymore because my child has made another go home I’m tears, I’d want to be finding out exactly what happened.

VenusTiger · 19/09/2021 21:14

Do pps not trust their own children anymore?

OP, ask your DD what happened and then respond accordingly TO YOUR DD and completely ignore the msg - as in, don't even acknowledge receipt of it.

Couldn't be doing with petty and fickle friendships going in to senior school - they should've grown out of this by now.

SoupDragon · 19/09/2021 22:41

Has the OP been back at all?

Bertiebiscuit · 19/09/2021 23:31

Tell them to do shove it, ask for your money back, never speak to her again and take your daughter somewhere lovely on the day, and explain to her that this is not a nice family and maybe she could play with her other friends in future - what a vile woman

ellyeth · 20/09/2021 00:09

Surely it depends on what, if anything, happened. If my child was especially cruel or aggressive to another child, I would want to know. Since the OP hasn't come back to give her child's account of what happened or, if her child says nothing happened the OP hasn't asked the other parent what the issue was, I don't think anyone can judge.

dawnwalk · 20/09/2021 00:24

What was actually said between the children? Could it be that the child let it go but when questioned, the mother thought what was said was bad enough to exclude almost regardless of the child's opinion?

Cadent · 20/09/2021 00:55

So OP never came back. What a waste of everyone’s time.

EspressoDoubleShot · 20/09/2021 07:43

Op has not been back? I expect all the suggested convoluted replies frightened her off.
The turgid and long texts drilling down to extract an answer and complete reversal of decision
Sometimes posters need to vent, they do that and move on.

SoupDragon · 20/09/2021 08:00

ask for your money back

There is no money! 😂😂

Anon778833 · 20/09/2021 11:39

This is horrible. If I was the child’s mother I would have told her that no, she is not behaving like this.

Her mother is enabling her to treat people badly.

Stilsmiling · 20/09/2021 13:00
  1. Kids have arguments. Sometimes those arguments hurt.
  2. Kids need to learn how to deal with conflict and not run away from it, it’s called resilience and there is the word “sorry” for these situations.
  3. Parents need to teach kids this and not send crappy text messages to other parents uninviting a kid who really just needs to learn what they did that caused hurt (if that’s the case here). Otherwise kids have an argument, fall out and think that’s the end of the friendship.
  4. Be an adult and phone the mother. Keep calm. Tell them that there has been a disagreement and you think that the girls should sort it out so they can learn to deal with conflict in the future. Kids (and adults!) do things they later regret, that’s why the word sorry exists.
Discofish · 20/09/2021 13:47

Presumably if you do this child's mum favours by having her afterschool, dropping her off at gymnastics etc- then even if they can avoid one another at school, this child and your daughter are going to be seeing each other again! So uninviting her makes no sense to me. I think its pretty inappropriate to retract an invitation without the details as to why.

BorderlineHappy · 22/09/2021 06:21

@Meh86 did you get it sorted in the end.

Original poster
Meh86 · 22/09/2021 07:15

Hi guys sorry it’s been a long weekend dealing with this fallout, my dd has really struggled with this bless her, thank you so much for your support and advice. So here is where we are upto!
So my dd doesn’t know what she’s done! The parent hasn’t been able to explain to me why her d rang her crying, but check the next joke! When i told her she was mean and disrespectful she then reinvited my dd to a meal they are having instead lol.. I had to explain it doesn’t work like that! I’ve got my dd not wanting to go school and feeling very insecure 😞 honestly please don’t ever uninvite a child to a party it’s very cruel! I’ve contacted school and they are unaware of an incident too! Favours have now stopped for that family! They will need me before I need them!
The mum brought the tickets to Harry Potter world 2 months ago there was supposed to be 4 of the girls going.. she keeps trying to justify her behaviour by telling me how I’ve blown this all out of proportion and I’m making an issue now by not answering her calls or replying to her messages 🤣 she’s gaslighting me 🙄 must be where her dd gets her horribleness from!

OP posts:
50ShadesOfCatholic · 22/09/2021 07:18

Wait, you told who they were mean and disrespectful?

EspressoDoubleShot · 22/09/2021 07:36

I’m making an issue now by not answering her calls or replying to her messages So you’re now being petty to enact a retribution?

the other mum has tried to reach out with calls and messages and you’re not having it? She isn’t gaslighting you at all. It’s a straight up spat and you’re now not answering her… And it is all They will need me before I need them!….

Honestly, is all this necessary.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 22/09/2021 07:59

I agree. You're not coming across well here OP, you are being very immature.

BorderlineHappy · 22/09/2021 08:15

the other mum has tried to reach out with calls and messages and you’re not having it?
Yes @EspressoDoubleShot the other mum is back peddling.
She probably thought the op was a pushover.
The op is not in the wrong.
They where rude and disrespectful to uninvite a child.
And she's right not to do them any more favours.

Anon778833 · 22/09/2021 09:31

I don’t think the op is immature. The girl’s mum should have made sure the OP’s daughter still went to the party. That’s the only acceptable outcome. Instead, she’s enabled her own daughters unkind behaviour.

I wouldn’t be doing them any favours going forward either.

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 22/09/2021 10:06

I don’t think you’re out of order there at all OP, good for you for standing up for your daughter and their unfair behaviour and refusing to be a pushover and still do her favours!
Maybe speak to her about it properly when you’ve calmed down to explain how hurtful their actions were to your daughter and you believe she is in the wrong for allowing her to be uninvited to something like that, on the basis of what sounds like a non-issue...? Your friend should have tried to talk to you before the uninviting incident, and not now afterwards when the damage is done, now she needs your help again

lottiegarbanzo · 22/09/2021 10:17

The parent hasn’t been able to explain to me why her d rang her crying, but check the next joke!

What does this mean?

a) She doesn't know or understand why her daughter was upset?

If yes;

a1) She can't get a clear answer about why but believes that her dd was very upset.

a2) She has assessed the level of upset and concluded that it was not a serious matter.

b) She knows why her dd was upset but is unwilling to explain it to you, because to do so would involve criticising your dd, which she doesn't want to do, or feels you will react badly, making the whole issue worse.

c) She hasn't been able to explain to you, to your satisfaction why her dd was upset?

Why is any of that a joke? It could be someone trying to be tactful, or trying to protect her dd from retribution by yours, if you wind yours up with ideas of injustice.

Generallystruggling · 22/09/2021 10:18

I think the Mum is to blame here 100%. 10 year old girls fall out constantly then make up the next day, it’s par of the course. There’s no way a child should be uninvited from a party unless they’ve done something absolutely horrendous but the Mum doesn’t even know what your DD has done. I’m going to guess someone else (probably a relative) wants to go to HP world and they can’t afford to have that person and your DD so your DD has been cut out. Totally shitty behaviour, HP world is a big deal for a 10 year old and birthday parties are in general. The Mum is a nasty twat, I’d avoid at all costs.