To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

A lot of people still look young at thirty but by the time they reach 50 they have caught up to everyone else!

Yes I have actually. When I started teaching (in a sixth form) I was mistaken for a student for several years until all staff were familiar with me.

I took it how it was, an innocent mistake and frankly a compliment.

Sorry that was to @MrsSkylerWhite

DH and I were travelling with a 32yo colleague, when the airport check-in person told us we would have to change seats since you had to be 12 to sit in an exit row. Some confusion until it became clear they thought she was under 12! (And we were her parents? with different surnames?) She was quite short, so perhaps a married couple and shorter person checking in together just clicked something in the check-in person's brain.

@murmuration

DH and I were travelling with a 32yo colleague, when the airport check-in person told us we would have to change seats since you had to be 12 to sit in an exit row. Some confusion until it became clear they thought she was under 12! (And we were her parents? with different surnames?) She was quite short, so perhaps a married couple and shorter person checking in together just clicked something in the check-in person's brain.

I was once travelling with a friend (British born, English name, one Iranian grandparent) and the flight attendant looked at her and said "you need to be able to understand English to sit in the exit row seats".

I think some people just don't engage their brain at all.

@MiaMarshmallows

For the person who asked me if my relative really does look 16/17 at mid thirties then if you saw her you would completely understand why.

1. Very young looking face and eyes
2. Petite and slim
3. Shy and quiet
4. No kids, not married etc.

She has had neighbours ask if she is going back to uni soon. A bus driver asked if she was going to get on the school bus, her ex boyfriend who was 40 was asked if he was her dad on several occasions. All her colleagues thought she was 17 when she worked there 3 years ago (A nursery). Also hears comments from people years younger even a decade younger saying stuff like ' Oh to be young again.' Or 'When I was your age...' I always used to say to her that she wouldn't look like a teen in her thirties but she does and whatever she does, nothing changes. It does ruin her life.

Well that’s really unusual, for someone in their thirties to genuinely look like a 16 year old girl. I would so love to see a picture of any of these 30 year olds that can pass for 15/16/12/9 months old, because I haven’t ever seen anyone in real life like that. Most teens look like teens, unless they’re heavily made-up. Most thirty year olds look late twenties/thirties.

Even actors who play teens into their twenties don’t really look like teens, you just accept it as it’s part of that television universe.

At a casual glance you could take a 30 year old for a teenager if they were dressed in a very young way and were small etc. A proper look would reveal they weren't as there are inevitable subtle changes that start in the 20s to bone structure, facial fat distribution and skin texture.

@Kanaloa Your narrow mindedness is so irritating. Just because you've never experienced something, it doesn't exist?

How can you possibly know how old random strangers are? You can't, can you? Maybe a lot of the people you look at and think are twenty are really 35 - how would you ever know?

I'm 36 and I STILL get asked for ID, even after (in my opinion) ageing during the pandemic. Before the pandemic it was constant. So do you think everyone was just doing it for a laugh? You don't think anyone could possibly mistake a mid thirties woman for under 20 or even under 18? I remember buying wine in Sainsburys in March 2020 right after lockdown was announced. The woman on the checkout misheard my age after asking how old I was, and told me I didn't look 24. I said "no, THIRTY four", showed her my ID and I genuinely thought she'd call a manager or something because she absolutely did not believe for one second I could possibly be that age. I was at the hairdressers last week and the hairdresser was making small talk, asking me if I still live at home or with flatmates. When I said I was actually in the process of buying a flat, she was really shocked and said I was lucky and I know she assumed I must have been bought it by parents or something. She was 27 and seemed to think I was much younger than her, from the way she was talking to me.

It's so arrogant to think you know it all and discount many posters' lived experiences as if they're all making it up! So arrogant!

Also for reference, no one on here is saying that most 30 year olds don't look years younger or like a child. I think anyone here would say most people don't get the comments referred to in this thread (which is presumably why people find it so hard to comprehend, to the point where they comment disparagingly).
But it still happens to some people
And I also don't think anyone on here who is in this position would say every single person they come across thinks it about them and says comments to them. But that doesn't mean that these people haven't had many comments from many people still.

Dear lord, he shouldn't be driving.

Sorry, that was about the taxi driver thinking they were children playing in the street.

Outside of work it never bothered me, but it used to annoy me quite a bit at work. I'm not really sure why people can't understand why colleagues assuming you are fresh out of university when you're 15 years post graduation is not a positive thing. I was already one of the few females in a male dominated field, it wasn't helpful to have everyone assume I was junior to all the other men on my team as well.

I'm very confused I remember reading this exact same post a few months ago ?

@murmuration

DH and I were travelling with a 32yo colleague, when the airport check-in person told us we would have to change seats since you had to be 12 to sit in an exit row. Some confusion until it became clear they thought she was under 12! (And we were her parents? with different surnames?) She was quite short, so perhaps a married couple and shorter person checking in together just clicked something in the check-in person's brain.

So they thought that a 32 year old was still in primary school?

It can be annoying, but it catches up with you. Now 42 and wish I was young looking and cute again, even though I did feel like I was compared to a puppy.

@Kanaloa I can assure you she really does look that young. Obviously I won't put a photo up without her knowledge but she does still look like a teenager. It ruins her life and people treat her as a young kid and as she's shy, it causes endless humiliation due to the attention it brings.
Just because you haven't come across it doesn't mean it does not happen.

My rule of thumb is - if they didn’t ask to look that way and cannot change it- don’t comment. Regardless of whether it’s a comment you believe to be positive.

Penis size, breast size, disability, race, nose size, etc etc. You might think someone has won the genetic lottery but they might not feel the same.

Challenge 25 exists in shops so if you are 30, they are asking for ID based on you looking 25, not 18.

I think you may have less negative comments if you post elsewhere, OP. Most of us are knackered parents who've had a hard life.

I'm sure you'll be ok.

@eeyore228

Sounds horrific.

I really hope you're being sarcastic

Maireas - yes! And the check-in agent had taken and returned her ID already as well. I think sometimes it isn’t looking and carefully assessing age, but instead making an unconscious snap assumption and being unable to back down on an initial statement.

I get this all the time. Still asked for ID...people not believing my age. When I mention my 19 year old son I can visibly see people who dont know me looking shocked.

I'm 39 and to be honest, I'll be grateful for this in my forties

When I was 30 I was still getting asked for ID. Roll on 15 years and I look like a melted candle. Make the most of it if you can bear (I do get that it's annoying if people infantilise you)

I was asked my age when buying a lottery ticket in my late 30's but I look at my relatively wrinkle free skin at 53 and feel quite smug.

OMG, this is the story of my life too!
I used to get thrown off buses when in my late 20s because I still "looked like a school girl" and I should've been on the school bus (working in Manchester at the time!)

In later years, people used to assume my husband was my father, because I looked young and he always looked much older than his years (went bald early), even though we were the same age...well, I was a couple of months older than him!

Now I am in my 60s. My most recent job (hospitality) requires a uniform and that also makes me look as though I'm younger. No-one believes how old I am and I never tell them, they all assume I'm about 10 years younger. It helps now as I still need a job despite my mature years; however, all my life I hated looking younger, absolutely hated it.