To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

@GloriaPunniford wow did she say that she told the childminder for that reason?

I'm also 30, 4'11 and very petite and people have always thought I was younger. I was asked by a policeman when I was in my 20s why I wasn't at school. It used to annoy me but I don't mind now. I've started to notice a couple of very fine lines on my face and I actually wish I'd appreciated it more in the past.

I can understand you finding the female work colleagues a bit patronising but the other stuff just try and find some humour in it. I actually think it's very satisfying informing people "no I'm a homeowner" or "I'm actually married and in my 30s with a child but thanks".

I get your OP! I'm exactly the same. Mid 30's and can pass for a 15 year old. Subsequently I get treated like a child in my everyday and professional working life. I've had friends of my 70 year old mother ask me if I've broken up from school for the holidays yet. People talk down to you as if you have nothing of importance to say. It's a pain in the arse.

On a humble bragging note- I'm also not remotely attractive or pretty, a 'slightly' overweight size 14, 5 foot nothing, with a lisp and terrible acne scaring and cystic breakouts due to PCOS. So really nothing 'young and attractive' to brag about!

I can relate to this. I am not beautiful or pretty, as some posters seem to be insinuating from the description of looking young. I'm short, with a round face and freckles, which makes people assume I'm in my twenties instead of being nearly forty. It does not mean men or women fawn over my looks in the slightest.

Rather, it means I'm not taken seriously, or I'm treated in a patronising way. It means at work when I try and share my 15 years of professional experience, it gets disregarded. It means my colleagues talk down to me, or even over the top of me. It means I'm passed over for promotions or opportunities, because I'm not 'old enough'. I've been older than several of my bosses, who haven't believed it when I told them.

DH, on the other hand, looks older than he is. I have been mistaken for his child on more than one occasion. Admittedly he is older than me... By 6 months.

So yes, OP. I sympathise with you, and I understand what you mean. YANBU.

Looking young is enviable but I think I get your annoyance about people making assumptions ie that you aren't worldly enough to be taken seriously (?)

I've had friends who are short and petite and one who has a naturally childlike voice. Their complaints are that people patronise them as if they don't consider them to be intelligent free thinking adults.

I'm trying to think of another example. I'm quite quiet and well spoken. People have said to me more than once when talking about music "oh, I suppose you only listen to classical". I've nothing against classical music but my preferred genre is actually rock/ metal but it's almost as if that's not "allowed" if you are a middle class professional. Ridiculous!

I answered the door once and was asked 'is your mum in?'
A while ago now though.

[quote purpleme12]@GloriaPunniford wow did she say that she told the childminder for that reason?[/quote]
It’s what she said to the childminder. I think she felt the childminder would keep it between them.

@Eyesofdisarray

I answered the door once and was asked 'is your mum in?' A while ago now though.

I love it when this happens! I just say no

I get it OP. I was once almost denied entry from a club because the bouncer couldn't believe I was ok enough. It was do embarrassing as I was 21 at the time. He even joked my boyfriend must be a pedophile [hmm

I'm 35 and the shocked looks and comments have stopped. A relief. I still occasionally get asked for ID but I think that's because I'm short and my mask hides some wrinkles

I get it but it won't last forever. My two kids have aged me!!

I had this exact problem. Size 6/8 with a baby face. Annoying that I got ID'd until 28.

I have put on weight and have wrinkles now and nobody asks anymore. I would love it if people thought I was 10 years younger now.

Although the young thing was annoying the underweight thing was even more annoying. People used to ask me when I last ate, what was my BMI, was I allowed to give blood donation.... like that is socially acceptable... imagine if you said such insensitive things to someone overweight!!! Oh and the light throwing around of the word skinny 🙄

old so

If you're really being mistaken for a teenager at 30 it's not just your looks, its your style and presentation, which you can change with hair clothes and behaviour. Most 30 year old don't have the same look as a teenager, so if it bothers you you could opt for a more mature look. Same with cute, that will be your look as a whole, not just your face. I'm a lot older than you but look younger than I am. It's partly my face, but to a large extent the clothes and hair I choose, which I do on purpose as Iike it.

@GloriaPunniford wow I'd be so pissed off at that
I'd complain to the head about her!
But I'd also be glad the childminder told me so I knew the measure of her!

Seems like what you're talking about is being patronized. Which I hate too, and can be changed by your attitude and not accepting the comments - even it feels awkward don't smile and laugh along, remind yourself you are an adult and need to be respected as one.

That was me and I remember how insulted I felt. The worse was a 16yo boy asking me I how old I was and laughing loudly saying I looked 16. I was 22!

This lasted until I turned 45. At 52, I now feel so privileged when I'm told I look 40, especially by my kids' friends!

I get that at 38. I understand it’s embarrassing. I have people sit in front of me and start calculating when I had my kids and I must have been really young when I had them. I think I’ve aged over the last year though

I know you're not bragging or boasting OP because I too get mistaken for being a teen when I'm 34 so I understand the frustration. I have a 13 year old and once I've corrected those who think she's my sister I then get asked how old I was when I had her. I don't find this complimentary at all. Plus you're treated differently as it's assumed that you're young, inexperienced and naive. It's ageism and with that comes a lack of respect which I don't think a lot of people understand. I'm an adult and would like to be treated as such.

I’ve had this all my life and like you I’m petite, in my 20’s I was with a group of girl guides at a large camp when a 14 year old scout pinched my bum, he looked horrified when my guides explained I was their leader not one of the guides

Now I’m 52 I still get grief, I don’t have a single wrinkle or grey hair but I’m hidden disabled, quite a few older blue badge holders have rudely judged me to my face, apparently I don’t look old enough or ill enough to be parked where I am, I still get the respect your elders crap and am disbelieved when they hear my age

I guess as I approach retirement I’m going to go through it all again as I once again still won’t look old enough, DH. doesn’t complain about it though

I take it you’re new to Mumsnet then

@DarlingFell

I take it you’re new to Mumsnet then

Oh bollocks! That was in response to the poster who said they can’t believe such jealous and petty people exist.

Maybe look into some makeup techniques to age you? I mean if you genuinely look like a baby then you can’t blame others for thinking you are one. Or wear a 30 birthday badge everyday. What exactly do you want others to do??

Have a baby! I was always mistaken for younger until I had ds at 29 (often mistaken for a sixth former when I was teacher, ID'd constantly etc). That child aged me overnight! I haven't had the issue since In fact, since having ds2 I've twice been assumed to be older than I am - I am here to tell you, that is definitely worse!!!

You just need to carry yourself with confidence, develop an attitude, and some eye wrinkles

I get less comments now. Older people (who are generally quite bad at accurately guessing ages) STILL ask me what I'm studying and I'm mid 30s. But mostly, I get less "you're so cuuute" comments. I get it completely, it's like being patronised every frigging day!

It's a bit like a toddler asking to be called a big boy now, please! stop calling me a child

For the person who asked me if my relative really does look 16/17 at mid thirties then if you saw her you would completely understand why.

1. Very young looking face and eyes
2. Petite and slim
3. Shy and quiet
4. No kids, not married etc.

She has had neighbours ask if she is going back to uni soon. A bus driver asked if she was going to get on the school bus, her ex boyfriend who was 40 was asked if he was her dad on several occasions. All her colleagues thought she was 17 when she worked there 3 years ago (A nursery). Also hears comments from people years younger even a decade younger saying stuff like ' Oh to be young again.' Or 'When I was your age...' I always used to say to her that she wouldn't look like a teen in her thirties but she does and whatever she does, nothing changes. It does ruin her life.

I get it's annoying OP, my cousin is very nealy 30 and still gets asked for ID buying lottery tickets and energy drinks.