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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 16/09/2021 08:50

Put him in nursery

Groovee · 16/09/2021 08:52

I'd put him into nursery and be prepared for them to moan about that too.

NilPoisDrama · 16/09/2021 08:52

They are your parents, they have parented you (& siblings) as young children/adolescents/adults for years. Leave them be grandparents and enjoy spending time with you DS rather than resent it.

You are being so unreasonable and taking advantage of both sets of parents! Are your DH’s parents happy doing 3 days a week or can they not broach the subject with you?

In essence, you have your child 1 full day at the weekend and evenings throughout the week. Your parents then have him practically a full day on Sunday, 1 night a week and a full day Monday.

I agree with previous posts, you & your husband seem to be very selfish and self-centred thinking about what is easier for you. I wonder if you would be this kind when your DS grows up and leaves his children with you as childcare or will you be trying to enjoy your life finding hobbies, having lunch with friends etc.

Try to see from your parents point of view, they have probably worked up until now and are now finding time to enjoy friends, new hobbies and be together. Unfortunately as we grow up we lose the luxury of time, spend as much time as you can with your parents before they are no longer here, don’t use them as babysitters.

peridito · 16/09/2021 08:53

Either this is a reverse or a joke or an attempt by DF to garner material .

Though I have to admit ,if real ,vvu that OP's parent's don't agree a lunch time drop off on the Sunday with a full roast dinner provided .And lots of leftovers for OP to take home .

SoupDragon · 16/09/2021 08:53

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Pay for childcare.

Laiste · 16/09/2021 08:54

Even if this particular thread is a wind up it does highlight an important issue. Childcare IS the parents responsibility to sort out. It shouldn't be a given that GPs are going to jump on board and that they have to come up with a good enough reason to 'opt out' from it.

notanothertakeaway · 16/09/2021 08:55

OP has disappeared

I think you are ungrateful and should be quite easy to thank your parents for everything they have done, offer to use childcare and let them enjoy just being regular grandparents without added responsibility

RudestLittleMadam · 16/09/2021 08:56

Just put the baby in nursery.

NilPoisDrama · 16/09/2021 08:58

Maybe do as previous post, scrap Sunday and ask GP if they are willing to come and sit at your house for the Monday. My DP rather take care of GC at the DC own house rather than GP as they have everything they need at home, spare clothes, toys, etc.

ancientgran · 16/09/2021 08:59

@Hardbackwriter

Also - and I promise this isn't an attack on full-time working parents, I worked full-time when my eldest was a baby and toddler - if you work all week don't you and your partner want a full weekend with your child?
That's exactly what I was thinking. Poor kid never mind the grandparents.
Shhhhhhhshh · 16/09/2021 08:59

I can’t believe you both work full time and you still want to let GP look after him Sunday afternoon and evening.

And I say that as someone who works full time!!

Put him in nursery.

buzzandwoodyallday · 16/09/2021 08:59

"Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair".

Fair?? What isn't fair is expecting your parents to look after your 2 year old for over 24 hours so that you can do, what, 8 hours at work?

Put your child in nursery and stop expecting other people to look after your child. They live an hour away, you could drop your dc off at 7 and still be home by 8pm. Can't believe you're complaining.

TweetyPieBird · 16/09/2021 09:00

YABU. You are a cf. 4-5pm isn’t “night.” It’s the afternoon. You are so lucky that your parents are offering to look after your 2yo from 4pm Sunday and all day Monday so you can save on childcare costs. You have 3 options: work around the hours your parents can provide free childcare; take him to nursery; go part-time.

ancientgran · 16/09/2021 09:01

@peridito

Either this is a reverse or a joke or an attempt by DF to garner material .

Though I have to admit ,if real ,vvu that OP's parent's don't agree a lunch time drop off on the Sunday with a full roast dinner provided .And lots of leftovers for OP to take home .

Don't you think they should have him on Saturday night so the parents get a lie in on the Sunday?
Niffler92 · 16/09/2021 09:01

Bath, bed, etc is hard work for grandparents or so my mum used to say and she was still young/fit enough to work full time. Reading between the lines were you & dp enjoying a peaceful night of free baby-sitting, to go out, do your own thing, etc if it were me I’d me greatful they were offering a day childcare and have him in bed asleep before I left. Enjoy the time with your child at the weekend you can’t see much of him through the week so try abd make the most of weekends instead of giving a decent chunk to grandparents.

PersonaNonGarter · 16/09/2021 09:01

This has to be a reverse.

Stripyhoglets · 16/09/2021 09:02

Yanbu to put him in nursery. Yabu to not listen to your parents and stop dropping him off early afternoon on Sunday.

Nogoodusername · 16/09/2021 09:02

You are being unreasonable. I wouldn’t drop until 6pm - getting home at 7/8pm is still dinner time for you, not late in the slightest. Plus you’ve got no child to bath, get to bed, anything - how is that late? You are asking your parents to have DC half of Sunday, overnight and then Monday. It’s too much

SirYawnsAlot · 16/09/2021 09:02

So if you live an hour from them, does this mean they have to do a 2 hour round commute to nursery on a Monday in rush-hour too?

aquarius0126 · 16/09/2021 09:03

I would start taking him for 4/5pm like they have suggested but also ask them if it's getting too much and offer to put him in to nursery on a Monday. Or at the very least I'd let them know this was an option for them to consider.

Rosesareyellow · 16/09/2021 09:03

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves

The very cheek of it…

TweetyPieBird · 16/09/2021 09:04

Also, what is the point in having dc if you only spend time with them once a week (Saturday)? The other days he’s in childcare all day and then goes to bed early.

ancientgran · 16/09/2021 09:05

@pommedeterre

Nursery. Free childcare is a minefield.
I don't think the nursery will have him at 2pm on the Sunday so that's a non starter. You can't expect OP to give up her Sunday afternoon/evening.
ImFree2doasiwant · 16/09/2021 09:06

Wow. Free childcare and you're complaining. Take him Sunday tea time or Monday morning. Or yes, pay for childcare.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 16/09/2021 09:06

Since you aren’t a grandparent and you don’t know how it feels to be one, you are unreasonable to be annoyed that someone who is doing you a favour and saving you money, has decided that it’s a bit much for them.