To ask what to do if anything about neighbours loud shagging?

[ShaggerDoDoDo]

Lived here a couple of months. Amazing house semi-detached. Next door has 3 young kids.

Over the last week, NDNs have been having such noisy sex that the wardrobes in the bedroom are shaking. She’s a screamer, and she then wakes her own baby which starts screaming too! Last night, they shagged and screamed til the baby woke up, got it back to sleep, then shagged and sleep til it woke up screaming again!

We are tired! And work FT.

Having had noisy neighbours in the past I’d hoped for a fresh start here. Am tempted to put a note through the letterbox but DH says no 😆

AIBU to ask what (if anything) to do?!

YANBU - pop a note through
YABU - here’s a better idea…

[Dentistlakes]

I would go round and tell them straight. Tell them they are waking up you and your baby with their noisy sex and could they please be more considerate in the future. I don’t see the point in skirting around the issue or apologising for bringing it up.

[ShaggerDoDoDo]

Loving some of the suggestions.
All children are primary age. Baby is 1 afaik (had party recently) and is a cryer generally. We’ve had some makeshift soundproofing put in the living room but that’s it.
I guess I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot, but at the same time it’s grim for us and grim for her kids. Yes - people have sex and sometimes it’s noisy, but waking her baby who is clearly scared as it’s screaming not crying, is really grim

[onelittlefrog]

Just leave them a note and they will stop.

They probably don't realise you can hear them and will be mortified, but tbh they should use their common sense.

If they live in a semi detached house and are doing this against their neighbour's wall then obviously there's a chance you can hear.

Treat it like any other noise complaint and tell them they are disturbing you with their evening activities.

[VaguelyInteresting]

I don’t want to take this to an even darker place, but it seems so weird to me that a mum would have noisy, screamy sex that wakes a 1 year old, who is clearly you say terrified & then get back at it. I don’t know how a mother could or would?

You don’t think she’s “having” to do it, do you? I.e it’s an abusive situation (the screaming could be her trying to get him to “finish” faster....)

I might be overreaching but it just seems super weird to me.... maybe if you say something, say it to her on her own and frame it as concern? “Hey it’s been quite noisy at night from your house recently, and we’ve heard the toddler screaming too... is everything okay?”

[Yestoallthecake]

I suffered this problem in my mid terrace house. I put a note through the door asking to keep the ‘nocturnal activities’ down. Did the trick and she didn’t know whether it was me or the neighbour on the other side complaining. I was so embarrassed just writing the note. You could even hear spanking!

[Alternista]

I think a polite note/word is the way forward. Why doesn’t your DH want to do that?

[Candleinthebreeze]

This reminds me of when my wife and I met. One of the first nights I slept at her parents house we were impressed with ourselves at how quiet we were being during sex in the early hours, my wife is normally very vocal and kept her noise down.

As we were having sex we could constantly hear her mum going up and downstairs, opening the front door and repeat, several times.

We hadn’t realised/noticed just how much her headboard banged against the wall!

Her mum told us the next day she was convinced some rogue kids were playing knock and run, focusing on her house, for over an hour before she realised what the noise really was!

In her very upper middle class posh voice she then congratulated me and said as much as it was frustrating she couldn’t help but applaud my stamina!

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Mt brother had this issue but the other way around. He and his partner live in a mews and their bed was against the wall of their neighbour's bedroom wall.

One day his neighbour approached him when they were both outside and sheepishly told him that they could hear them both (not sure of the exact wording). My brother was mortified as he had lived there alone for years before he met his partner so had no idea!

Anyway as soon as they could they had the bedroom reconfigured so that the bed was on the other wall! In the meantime they pulled the bed away from the wall (that's mostly what they could hear, the bed banging).

I think honestly is the best policy. He is still on speaking terms with his neighbour!

[LakieLady]

Years ago, a friend had an upstairs neighbour who was on the game. She was very noisy!

There were several friends round at his one night, and when she finally piped down after a very loud episode of horizontal jogging, we gave her a huge round of applause.

He never heard her again after that.

[ShaggerDoDoDo]

@Alternista

I think a polite note/word is the way forward. Why doesn’t your DH want to do that?

He always overthinks things, is very introverted and non-confrontational and always thinks worst case scenario - eg polite note through door leads to windows being bricked etc

[HomeSliceKnowsBest]

Join in the sound effects and screaming .

[Tal45]

Could you go round and say in a very concerned voice you heard a lot of screaming last night and just wanted to make sure she was ok?

[severusvape]

Reminds me of this brilliant clip

m.youtube.com/watch?v=O7zwL-uQPN8

[MrsTesfaye]

Why do some women actually scream during sex? Am I missing a trick?

I used to live next door to someone who sounded like a wounded animal during sex. Lots of howling and whimpering. Was funny the first couple of times but after that it was so fucking annoying.

[Thehop]

One of our neighbours WiFi username is “number 52, we all hear you” which tickles me pink.

[onelittlefrog]

@VaguelyInteresting

I don’t want to take this to an even darker place, but it seems so weird to me that a mum would have noisy, screamy sex that wakes a 1 year old, who is clearly you say terrified & then get back at it. I don’t know how a mother could or would?

You don’t think she’s “having” to do it, do you? I.e it’s an abusive situation (the screaming could be her trying to get him to “finish” faster....)

I might be overreaching but it just seems super weird to me.... maybe if you say something, say it to her on her own and frame it as concern? “Hey it’s been quite noisy at night from your house recently, and we’ve heard the toddler screaming too... is everything okay?”

Wow. Is the idea of a person who happens to be a mother enjoying loud sex really that shocking?

I think you need to check your stereotypes and assumptions. Mothers can enjoy sex as much as anyone else.

They are obviously selfish, yes, and probably don't realise how loud they are - chances are they definitely don't realise they're bothering the neighbours or they'd stop. They're probably also equally oblivious to whether their children are bothered by it. Some people think babies are too young to be bothered.

I just can't believe you'd jump to abuse because the person is female and a mother. Some people are selfish and do things like this, it doesn't mean there is abuse going on. OP didn't say anything about concerns in that area.

[Chasingsquirrels]

I bet that was embarrassing!

It's like people who are naked in front of open windows, they know people can see them, that's the point.
I'd NEVER thought of that, I'm naked in front of my bedroom windows - but the only reason I do it is because no one sees in, back onto trees & a field. If I was overlooked I definitely wouldn't be.

[Chasingsquirrels]

@Sunshineandflipflops

Mt brother had this issue but the other way around. He and his partner live in a mews and their bed was against the wall of their neighbour's bedroom wall.

One day his neighbour approached him when they were both outside and sheepishly told him that they could hear them both (not sure of the exact wording). My brother was mortified as he had lived there alone for years before he met his partner so had no idea!

Anyway as soon as they could they had the bedroom reconfigured so that the bed was on the other wall! In the meantime they pulled the bed away from the wall (that's mostly what they could hear, the bed banging).

I think honestly is the best policy. He is still on speaking terms with his neighbour!

"I bet that was embarrassing" mean to quote this.

[LookItsMeAgain]

@Kanaloa

Start playing La Bamba every morning at about 5am loudly enough to wake them up. After one/two weeks, start also playing La Bamba every time they have sex.

They will associate the song with being woken up in the early hours and being stressed and will not be able to get aroused while it’s playing. You know, Pavlovian style.

There is science in this one!

[Macncheeseballs]

how come men never scream during sex, its all a big performance, of course she knows she can be heard

[cricketmum84]

Dear NDN,

While we are absolutely delighted for you that you have an exciting sex life and a husband who sounds to be a rather good shag.... unfortunately you are making my husband jealous with your screams of passion and he has started to question why I don't make noises like that!

Any tips?

Loud regards,

The house next door

[Imissmoominmama]

I think that might encourage them!

[cricketmum84]

"An injured dog auditioning for opera"

😂😂😳

[LookItsMeAgain]

As @OneMoreStitch has suggested:
I'd start playing loud (and very un-sexy) music right against the wall every time they get too loud.
I'd recommend Barney the Purple Dinosaur singing "I Love you, you love me, we're a happy family"

What do you think @ShaggerDoDoDo

[ShaggerDoDoDo]

@LookItsMeAgain

As *@OneMoreStitch* has suggested:
I'd start playing loud (and very un-sexy) music right against the wall every time they get too loud.
I'd recommend Barney the Purple Dinosaur singing "I Love you, you love me, we're a happy family"

What do you think *@ShaggerDoDoDo*

That could be awesome!
Although it just popped into my head to loudly play sounds of babies crying whenever they start 😆😆