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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby due at Christmas Time

123 replies

egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:06

So I'm due my baby on Xmas day. I live in one part of the UK, my family at the opposite end of the UK. We have friends but no family where we live.

Time is ticking on and none of the family have mentioned coming over at Xmas. Usually we spend every Xmas at my parents house but obviously this year we can't do that.

We usually spend Xmas there as it makes more sense for my husband and child to travel instead of the 15 family members we have there coming here - plus logistically it would never happen due to work commitments for them all plus one family member said they would never have their child having Xmas anywhere other than home. Fair enough.

We didn't make it last year due to covid so this is 2nd Xmas apart. We have discussed future xmas's as my child gets older and I'd like them to be in their own home for Santa coming and it was discussed that parents would have to take turns between grandchildren - their words. There are only 2 sets of grandchildren.

So being pregnant and liking to be organised I'm just wondering if I am being unreasonable in thinking that one of them - my mother perhaps - should have mentioned coming over at Xmas by now. This would let us get organised for them as well as providing reassurance that someone would be there on Xmas day for my other child if I do go in to labour or end up still in hospital on that day. My parents know it's a concern of mine not having anyone to mind child number one - we don't ever have a babysitter - regardless it's not a day to have someone on standby although a few friends have kindly said they would help out but it essentially means my child goes to a strangers house as it's no one they are close to.

I should say that I am always the one to visit them, they rarely visit here but when they do they never have to be invited and vice versa. We just book flights and check nothing major is happening that weekend. There is never a question of being invited so that's not the issue.

So AIBU that they haven't mentioned making plans to come over as it's over the Xmas period and they know I have another child to think of? Plus the fact if the baby is here maybe they'd like to spend Xmas with us in our home for the first time.

OP posts:
lking679 · 15/09/2021 22:08

Yabu. They’re not psychic maybe they don’t want to ask as you’ll literally be due to give birth that day. Just say have you thought about Christmas plans yet and see what they say.

freelions · 15/09/2021 22:10

I imagine they are waiting for an invite

They probably don't feel it is appropriate to invite themselves

Was your first child early or late as that may affect your planning too. If your first was early then realistically you will already have your baby by Xmas day but will you want the responsibility of hosting Xmas day with a newborn?

Redglitter · 15/09/2021 22:11

YABU. To be honest if my SIL was pregnant & due on Christmas Day I wouldn't dream of suggesting she hosted Christmas. Theyre probably, not unreasonably, assuming you'll just want a quiet day

Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:11

Like I said they never need to be invited and are aware of that. They have booked to come 'uninvited' plenty of times.

That is kind of the whole point that I'd expect them to want to be here to help out with first child while I go in to labour - not avoid me.

One of my first thoughts after finding out I was pregnant was who will mind the first one when I'm in labour.

When my sister was having her children I offered to be there on her due date as soon as I found out and was there both times to mind her other children while she was in hospital.

OP posts:
Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:13

I appreciate these lines of thinking however I know my family won't expect me to be hosting. Despite how it sounds we are very close and it's not a case of hosting when we are at each other's houses - even at Xmas. It's a case of we all pitch in and help and do what needs done.

I was like a live in maid for my sister when she had hers and made sure she wanted for nothing so she could care for her babies and forget about the house. When the other guests came we hosted on her behalf.

OP posts:
TakeMe2Insanity · 15/09/2021 22:14

I would say you need to actually tell them what you are thinking and what you need from them. In all seriousness they are probably trying to be nice and wait until they are asked not wanting to pressure you while heavily pregnant/christmas stress etc.

Embracelife · 15/09/2021 22:15

You need to tell them
"Mum I need you to come stay over Xmas and look after dc when I go to hospital to have baby"
Then she caN say yes or no

altiara · 15/09/2021 22:15

Maybe they’re waiting for you to suggest something?

Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:16

First child was bang on time but spent 3 weeks in Neo-Natal hopefully that will not happen again but chances are yes the baby could (hopefully) be at home by xmas

OP posts:
Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:19

I was hoping to avoid having to ask or suggest as my mother will feel pressured and obliged then and she doesn't like doing things she doesn't want to do..... I suppose I'm annoyed she hasn't suggested coming and don't want to suggest it as I feel she should be wanting to come without an invite.

If she feels she has to come I will never hear the end of it and all she will go on about is how egohippy can't manage and needs me to go over so I'll have to sacrifice my Xmas for her - even though I'm usually in her house at Xmas anyway

OP posts:
PooWillyNameChange · 15/09/2021 22:19

Why don't you suggest it?!

Milkbottlelegs · 15/09/2021 22:20

Maybe your Mum is a MNer and has been put off by the many posts from people going on about family inviting themselves when the baby is due and about how they want their precious two weeks with no visitors. And about how they definitely don’t want to plan on spending Christmas with anyone.

Your Mum is waiting to be asked.

PooWillyNameChange · 15/09/2021 22:20

Cross posted. Maybe she doesn't want you to feel pressured or obliged? I think you're overthinking this.

Kanaloa · 15/09/2021 22:21

Ask them. No point waiting for them to offer to care for your older child, if you want a favour you need to ask.

MadeOfStarStuff · 15/09/2021 22:23

Use your words, tell them what you’d like to happen and ask if that suits them

YABU to expect them to be psychic

Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 22:23

I wouldnt dream of coming, it seems the majority want to have time when baby is born and after a week or so start to invite people to meet baby.
I’m sure nobody is thinking of putting on you at Christmas when you’re literally due to give birth.

Londonlivingg · 15/09/2021 22:24

Another aibu that could be completely resolved with a straightforward ten minute conversation

Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:24

She def isn't on here she can barely work her phone!

She is a home bird by nature and doesn't like change and this will really put her out her comfort zone and I think she's trying to avoid it.

I will manage and have plans already made as I can never rely on her but I personally think it's a bit shit of her not to even ask me or mention Xmas.

I suppose I'm a bit fed up of always doing the running and yes I'm probably very stubborn and don't want to ask for those reasons as well.

My friends are all a bit shocked she hasn't said she's coming over here.

She also doesn't host Xmas so it's not like that's an issue for her - she turns up and eats like the rest of us and leaves the cooking and mess to someone else!

OP posts:
Fraine · 15/09/2021 22:25

They should say that I am always the one to visit them, they rarely visit here but when they do they never have to be invited and vice versa

Or

They have booked to come 'uninvited' plenty of times.

Which is it?!

Just speak to them!

Your choice of language is so weird ‘booked’ themselves in?! They’re your family!

seaandsandcastles · 15/09/2021 22:26

YABU to expect to them to know what you want. You need to tell them.

Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:27

Booked a flight @Fraine not really that weird....

@Londonlivingg well Mumsnet would be pretty boring then without all the AIBU's then wouldn't it

OP posts:
Embracelife · 15/09/2021 22:29

@egohippy

I was hoping to avoid having to ask or suggest as my mother will feel pressured and obliged then and she doesn't like doing things she doesn't want to do..... I suppose I'm annoyed she hasn't suggested coming and don't want to suggest it as I feel she should be wanting to come without an invite.

If she feels she has to come I will never hear the end of it and all she will go on about is how egohippy can't manage and needs me to go over so I'll have to sacrifice my Xmas for her - even though I'm usually in her house at Xmas anyway

So you do your own thing g then .

Say you have arranged with friends in case dc arrive on Xmas and you all staying in your house.

If anyone wants to visit theycwill be welcome . But you will be busy with a newborn so won't be making Xmas dinners for 10.

Original poster
egohippy · 15/09/2021 22:29

@Fraine in the last 20 years they have 'booked' to come around 8 times. Plenty of times to be booking without an invite but a rare appearance in my house - makes sense to me

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 22:30

She is a home bird by nature and doesn't like change and this will really put her out her comfort zone and I think she's trying to avoid it.

How on earth is she (or anyone) supposed to know what you want if you don’t ask them? Also babies don’t come bang on schedule so I think wanting everyone to read your mind 3 months in advance incase baby is born Christmas Day is a bit weird.

Mymapuddlington · 15/09/2021 22:31

Book a flight? So they have to fly to you?