Baby due at Christmas Time

[egohippy]

So I'm due my baby on Xmas day. I live in one part of the UK, my family at the opposite end of the UK. We have friends but no family where we live.

Time is ticking on and none of the family have mentioned coming over at Xmas. Usually we spend every Xmas at my parents house but obviously this year we can't do that.

We usually spend Xmas there as it makes more sense for my husband and child to travel instead of the 15 family members we have there coming here - plus logistically it would never happen due to work commitments for them all plus one family member said they would never have their child having Xmas anywhere other than home. Fair enough.

We didn't make it last year due to covid so this is 2nd Xmas apart. We have discussed future xmas's as my child gets older and I'd like them to be in their own home for Santa coming and it was discussed that parents would have to take turns between grandchildren - their words. There are only 2 sets of grandchildren.

So being pregnant and liking to be organised I'm just wondering if I am being unreasonable in thinking that one of them - my mother perhaps - should have mentioned coming over at Xmas by now. This would let us get organised for them as well as providing reassurance that someone would be there on Xmas day for my other child if I do go in to labour or end up still in hospital on that day. My parents know it's a concern of mine not having anyone to mind child number one - we don't ever have a babysitter - regardless it's not a day to have someone on standby although a few friends have kindly said they would help out but it essentially means my child goes to a strangers house as it's no one they are close to.

I should say that I am always the one to visit them, they rarely visit here but when they do they never have to be invited and vice versa. We just book flights and check nothing major is happening that weekend. There is never a question of being invited so that's not the issue.

So AIBU that they haven't mentioned making plans to come over as it's over the Xmas period and they know I have another child to think of? Plus the fact if the baby is here maybe they'd like to spend Xmas with us in our home for the first time.

Ok well glad I asked.

Out of interest tho use of you who have more than one child, who looked after your other children when you went to hospital? Did you ask these people well in advance and make plans or did you call them when you were getting in the car to go?

@Mymapuddlington yes they do

Ok so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them not to visit often if they have to book flights etc especially in the current situation, nobody knows if they can fly to certain destinations, whether Christmas will be lockdown or whatever. A lot of people won’t even be thinking of Christmas yet, it might not have even crossed her mind.

I’m expecting my second and from what I’ve gathered people generally make plans a few weeks before they’re due. If baby is born early will mum be able to get to you?
If baby is born late and she has to go home before the birth?
What if she cancels Christmas plans and you end up staying in hospital?

I think you’d be better off asking any friends you have locally and when you have a few weeks to go double check that those you’ve asked are still able to drop everything to help look after your older child.

[quote egohippy]@Fraine in the last 20 years they have 'booked' to come around 8 times. Plenty of times to be booking without an invite but a rare appearance in my house - makes sense to me[/quote]
Catching a flight to see you every 2 years seems reasonable to me.

You chose to move away.

Presently I understand them not visiting often. Previous to the pandemic there is no valid reason.

We are all in the uk but yes things could change very quickly as we know from last year. We were booked to go then had to change plans last minute.

It is not something you can plan for at all and she could be here within a few hours - but she's not that way inclined and wouldn't know how to book flights, pack a bag and get here without going in to a blind panic. She isn't old or dittery she's just shit in an emergency. However she won't be able to be here quickly over Xmas day so I have expected her to take matters in to her own hands and say she's coming to make sure we have no worries on Xmas day and hey ho if baby isn't here or doesn't come then at least she's had a nice Xmas.

She knows I'd never worry about hosting and she wouldn't expect it either so while I appreciate those comments and opinions I know my mother and she's avoiding any hassle or change for herself and I think it's poor.

Making plans a few weeks in advance sounds fair to me - unless you have to book flights for something like this.

Iv had several friends rally round me and have plenty offers of where to send the first born - haven't mentioned any of this as I don't want her to feel put out either so I truly believe the bal is firmly in her court.

My husband has been known to make the odd joke about never coming to visit or making an effort and she doesn't like to hear it so I think it's laziness/selfishness who knows

@egohippy

Ok well glad I asked.

Out of interest tho use of you who have more than one child, who looked after your other children when you went to hospital? Did you ask these people well in advance and make plans or did you call them when you were getting in the car to go?

My MIL had my older two/there when I had the younger ones. I asked her if she would come to the house and have to me so DH could accompany me to the hospital and she said yes. If that wasn’t possible I would have had to go alone, I did with my first two.

I didn’t just sit around waiting for MIL to tell me she would have them.

Obviously you do know your mum best and hopefully November time she will let you know plans to come and help, it is early. Hope it goes well.

However she won't be able to be here quickly over Xmas day so I have expected her to take matters in to her own hands and say she's coming to make sure we have no worries on Xmas

This is where you’re going wrong I think. You’re expecting her to take it into her hands to offer you a favour, when you realistically could just ask her.

Talk to her. Make plans. Don't rely on telepathy.

DS1 was due around Christmas so we made no plans with family. A local friend planned a big dinner and we were welcome if avaliable. As it happened, I was newly out of hospital, with baby and in quite a state after a tough week. Friend brough round "meals on wheels"

Same friend did 48 hours of childcare for DS1 when DS2 was born and we worked out a way to manage around her plans on the actual due date. (He was a due date baby)

Out of interest tho use of you who have more than one child, who looked after your other children when you went to hospital? Did you ask these people well in advance and make plans or did you call them when you were getting in the car to go?

Due second baby in early Feb, haven't thought about it yet but I guess we'll ask people in December kind of time. 'Ask' being the key thing here. I don't think it's reasonable to be in a huff with your mum when you haven't even asked her!

ELCS at 39 weeks?

@kanaloa yes I plan on going to hospital on my own if I have to, shouldn't have to as friends will be happy to step in and good plans have been made as opposed to just a throwaway comment about it.

Yes totally expecting her to take it in to her hands as I feel she should but like I said earlier I'm glad I asked for these opinions as I only have mine, husband's and close friends as yet and they're pretty similar so it's interesting to see if this difference of opinion is due to strangers not knowing facts about my family or because friends are less likely to want to cause offence and have a biased opinion.

[quote egohippy]@Fraine if you'd taken time to read the thread you would see that I don't need an invite for Xmas so I'm not waiting on one.

Being honest I'm shocked that anyone would need an invite to their family at Xmas or any other time.

I would also never tell anyone to fuck off unless they deserved it for making such a ridiculous comment but perhaps I do need to work on my patience for those lacking intelligence. It is a fault of mine I admit. [/quote]
All I said was a visit every 2 years is not unreasonable and you chose to move away.

How is that a ridiculous comment deserving a ‘fuck off’?

@DeborahAnnabel lol it wouldn't be for me but is one way around the unknown!

I'm not stressing enough about this to go down that option but it has been annoying me and on my mind today so thought I'd ask some opinions while I lie on the couch

@Fraine coz they're bloody ridiculous comments and if you can't see that then don't bother to comment further as you're not getting the point at all.

I'm sorry but you sound like hard work. You've used a lot of words on here when you could just ask if they'd come to yours on Christmas Day.

Some people haven't started planning fir Christmas yet.

[quote egohippy]@Fraine coz they're bloody ridiculous comments and if you can't see that then don't bother to comment further as you're not getting the point at all.
[/quote]
Can you explain why saying ‘a visit every 2 years is not unreasonable and you chose to move away’ is ridiculous?

@Fraine made a fair comment and doesn’t deserve your abuse, OP.

How do we know op moved away? Her parents could have moved away for all we know

@dryasaboner

How do we know op moved away? Her parents could have moved away for all we know

@dryasaboner presumably because ALL her family are there, not just parents

I think when you move away from your family support, particularly a flight away, you need to call on friends to care for existing DC when you go to the hospital. I certainly did, and have reciprocated for their subsequent births.

OP - my first child was in the room when my second was born (in hospital). All worked out fine and first now knows how babies come out 😂