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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset?

110 replies

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:17

I guaranteed a loan for a long term friend last July, for around £1250 they made 2 payments on it then declared themselves bankrupt reassuring me they'd send me the money each month. The loan was held until May this year because of the bankruptcy claim going through. I've been making the payments on a massively reduced rate.

This "friend" however has been spending a ludicrous amount of money on clothes, takeaway, nights out and other stuff yet has never once offered me anything towards this loan or even an apology.

I feel really upset that someone I am friends with has done this to me. I feel like I should say something but at the same time I feel really horrible just pouring out how pissed off I am at random. I feel like it's my own fault.

OP posts:

Gardenwalldilema · 14/09/2021 20:25

Its definitely not your fault, I'm guessing they had already considered bankruptcy when taking out the loan, due to declaring it just 2 months later.
I'd be chasing them every month for money, tenaciously.

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:28

I don't even know how to broach the subject. We talk, mostly about her and her life etc but never mention the loan. How the hell do I bring this up. I'm not very good at opening my mouth haha

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 14/09/2021 20:29

Yeah definitely get on their backs for the money. That's nasty to declare so quickly after without any warning... almost as if it were a set up?

Notaroadrunner · 14/09/2021 20:29

At this point there is no longer a friendhship so you may as well hound her for every penny you can get out of her. Do not let it go. And don't ever put yourself in this position again regardless of who asks.

Ionlydomassiveones · 14/09/2021 20:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LittleOwl153 · 14/09/2021 20:30

Send a simple text. That loan you had me guarantee for is due on Friday can you send over the £x.

DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 20:31

How about ‘where’s my money, you pisstaking fucker?’
I can’t believe you’re still talking to her.

LIZS · 14/09/2021 20:31

Send her a summary of what you have paid on her behalf, asking to be reimbursed, is it definitely in her name?

TheFoundations · 14/09/2021 20:31

@bellabelle1994

I don't even know how to broach the subject. We talk, mostly about her and her life etc but never mention the loan. How the hell do I bring this up. I'm not very good at opening my mouth haha

Write her a letter telling her you'll take her to court if she doesn't pay you back at x rate.

Don't worry about ruining the friendship; there isn't one.

Spaceformetoo · 14/09/2021 20:31

That’s shocking, devious behaviour from her and she is no friend. Sounds like she fully intended to default on payments too.

If you don’t feel comfortable asking her face to face then send her a text or email asking her when she intends to start repayments. I don’t know where you stand legally though- probably can’t force it so this friendship would be over for me if she refuses to re-pay.

Spaceformetoo · 14/09/2021 20:31

Maybe contact Citizens Advice for where you stand legally.

LittleOwl153 · 14/09/2021 20:32

I don' t know if whether you can get the repayment added to her bankruptcy? Might be worth trying to find out. As she now owes younthis money.

But the only way you are going to get it is to keep asking. I'd suggest weekly. Though I'd say she will soon disappear and you won't get it back anyway.

Notaroadrunner · 14/09/2021 20:33

@bellabelle1994

I don't even know how to broach the subject. We talk, mostly about her and her life etc but never mention the loan. How the hell do I bring this up. I'm not very good at opening my mouth haha

I assume she knows you are paying the bloody thing off now. Or has she conveniently forgotten? Next time you're talking to her just tell her that the loan repayments are x and you need her to cough up. She should be ashamed of herself knowing that you are paying her debt.

Flymeoutofhere · 14/09/2021 20:34

Get legal advice to see where you stand. In future never, ever lend or be a guarantor unless you happy to never see the money again.

She’s no friend to you.

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:35

She claims money is tight and the bankruptcy had to be done as the amount of debt she was in was spiralling. The loan is now in my name as guarantee as she's legally bankrupt. I've not much money my bloody self but she seems to think I'm a millionaire. I know it's not a friendship, I'm not of value to her, she has to be the victim and always makes everything about herself I don't even remember her asking how I am or what I do etc.

God I'm pissed off.

OP posts:

Tempusfudgeit · 14/09/2021 20:36

The Official Receiver would be very interested in a loan taken out so close to the bankruptcy. Find the court she declared at, and contact them. The friendship is over.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2021 20:36

If they’re spending money like water they may not have been entirely honest with the Official Receiver. You can always contact the Insolvency Service if you suspect foul play.

Probably won’t help you with the loan though. So you might be better off just sending the very direct texts recommended by pps.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2021 20:37

X post with Tempusfudgeit - the OR is part of the Insolvency Service though so I’d contact them.

AhNowTed · 14/09/2021 20:38

I'm afraid she set you up and is no friend. Just a user.

You need to acquire a fraction of her brass neck and demand money.

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:40

Oh I didn't know it'd look suspicious! The loan was granted in July 2020 and she filed for bankruptcy in September that got finalised this May.

OP posts:

StoneofDestiny · 14/09/2021 20:42

She's no friend, but give it a shot and tell her directly you need payment on the loan.

PussInBin20 · 14/09/2021 20:42

Not sure there’s much you can do. This is the whole point of being a Guarantee /tor. If she doesn’t pay, you do.

I think she took advantage tbh and saw you as a soft touch. There’s a reason they say “don’t mix business with pleasure”.

It’s a touch lesson to learn but I think you should confront her - even if to make yourself feel better.

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:44

I think I've more or less come to terms with that I'm paying someone else's debt. But I feel like fucking smacking her one.

OP posts:

StellatheCat · 14/09/2021 20:47

I had a very similar situation last year! Although I am certainly not still talking to her
She didnt declare herself bankrupt but entered an insolvency agreement with a trust deed. I panicked (furloughed, pregnant) and also entered a trust deed. But I also contested the original gaurantor-ship, I used the free website Resolver to the loan company (Amigo). They upheld my complaint that in lending the money to that individual and accepting me as guarantor that they were guilty of irresponsible lending. They removed my responsibility as guarantor and my trust deed dismissed it as well. She isno w responsible for her own loan again(she isnt pay ings it but thays not my problem anymore)
Phone playing up awkward to post full story sorry!

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:48

@StellatheCat this ones amigo as well! How did you go about this?

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