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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset?

110 replies

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:17

I guaranteed a loan for a long term friend last July, for around £1250 they made 2 payments on it then declared themselves bankrupt reassuring me they'd send me the money each month. The loan was held until May this year because of the bankruptcy claim going through. I've been making the payments on a massively reduced rate.

This "friend" however has been spending a ludicrous amount of money on clothes, takeaway, nights out and other stuff yet has never once offered me anything towards this loan or even an apology.

I feel really upset that someone I am friends with has done this to me. I feel like I should say something but at the same time I feel really horrible just pouring out how pissed off I am at random. I feel like it's my own fault.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/09/2021 21:44

She's an absolute bitch. Sending those photos is something only a really terrible person would do.

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 21:45

Send it

I hate the word but what an absolute and utter cunt.

Original poster
bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 21:50

It's not the fact I agreed. I know I did. It's the fact she has the money to at least contribute to the monthly payments but doesn't yet sends me photos of American fucking sweets she's bought online and clothes constantly, £100 a week on clothes and shoes. It's not on

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/09/2021 21:51

I don't even know how to broach the subject

Well, "You've ripped me off for over a grand" is an opening line.

What is wrong with you? Why aren't you asking for your money back?

ShrimpBarbarian · 14/09/2021 21:53

@bellabelle1994

I don't even know how to broach the subject. We talk, mostly about her and her life etc but never mention the loan. How the hell do I bring this up. I'm not very good at opening my mouth haha
You say, where's my money??

What's hard about that??

"You'll need to take that back, and get a refund so you can pay off your debt"

Don't be a mumsnetter wetter!!

Original poster
bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 21:53

I've sent it! Now I wait.

I'm a very timid and meek person at the moment after DV. At one point I'd have ripped her fucking head off

OP posts:
ShrimpBarbarian · 14/09/2021 21:54

Fuck it, I've had a drink tonight, let me know who you and she are, ill tell her!

ShrimpBarbarian · 14/09/2021 21:54

@bellabelle1994

I've sent it! Now I wait.

I'm a very timid and meek person at the moment after DV. At one point I'd have ripped her fucking head off

Good, feel that anger and use it
QueenBee52 · 14/09/2021 21:55

@Tempusfudgeit

The Official Receiver would be very interested in a loan taken out so close to the bankruptcy. Find the court she declared at, and contact them. The friendship is over.
Definitely ... it sounds shady
QueenBee52 · 14/09/2021 21:56

@bellabelle1994

I've sent it! Now I wait.

I'm a very timid and meek person at the moment after DV. At one point I'd have ripped her fucking head off

Good on you

Alternista · 14/09/2021 22:00

Good for you, OP.

You can’t change the past but you 100% can change your future and standing up for yourself sounds like it needs to be part of that x

Original poster
bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 22:01

I'm the worlds biggest shitbag, mumsnets give me some fire I think!

OP posts:
whiskersonkittenss · 14/09/2021 22:06

Good for you OP. I can imagine the anxiety over broaching it with her.

Notaroadrunner · 14/09/2021 22:06

@bellabelle1994

I've sent it! Now I wait.

I'm a very timid and meek person at the moment after DV. At one point I'd have ripped her fucking head off

Time to find the old you! Good on you for telling her like it is.
CorianderAndCream · 14/09/2021 23:38

I'd have gone in sweetly the first few times as she might well decide that she doesn't care about the friendship and so won't pay the money.

I do hope she turns around and starts paying though

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2021 23:45

Hi OP

I cant believe you've let it fester this long. And then sent that text! I can see why you sent it but I came on to say I'm not sure insulting someone and telling them your friendship is over is the best way of getting your money.

I'd have prioritised trying to get my money first, and letting out my feelings/ telling her what a twat she is after

bert3400 · 14/09/2021 23:56

I'm glad you've sent her the message, even if you never get your money, she will be in no doubt what a utter cow she has been .

Sydendad · 15/09/2021 00:04

I think the best thing to do here is just cut off all contact. Clearly she has no respect for you and can't even be decent to you. So don't feel any guilt for simply blocking her number and unfriending her. She is never going to pay you back and according to you she doesn't give anything to the friendship i.e she's utterly useless to you. No need for headache just cold cut off.

boomwhacker · 15/09/2021 07:01

I agree with a PP that I doubt your text will get you your money back. I totally get your anger here but you've made it really easy for her to walk away without paying a penny. The small claims court won't work for you- you are as liable for the debt as she is right now. Your anger is totally understandable but the time to express it to her was when you had the money in your pocket.

FreeBritnee · 15/09/2021 07:08

Good for you. I can’t imagine paying off someone else’s debt while they merrily continued to piss money up the wall. I’d also want to rip their head off.

ChristmasCocktail · 15/09/2021 07:35

Good for you. Did she reply?
I've had someone ask me to be a grantor for their loan with amigo before, I said no so they ripped someone else off and got them paying it back. It seems to be a regular thing with these type of loans.,, they shouldn't even be offered them! Angry

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 15/09/2021 07:51

Don't beat yourself up, OP. You did a good thing to help a friend and it turns out she is a knob. That's on her, not you. Maybe one day she'll realise when she has no decent friends left.

It's cost you a lot of money but you are well rid of that user.

Hopdathelf · 15/09/2021 08:10

To echo a PP, your ship has sailed with that message in terms of her ever setting up a payment plan. Any obligation she feels towards you as a friend (which I admit seems very little in any case) will have disappeared.

I hope she does the right thing but I will be surprised if she does.

Member984815 · 15/09/2021 09:08

I think you will be left with this debt , I had someone ask me to borrow my credit card once we are not particularly close at all because if she knew me well she would know I don't have one . Take it as a life lesson an expensive one and be glad she's out of your life

wingingit987 · 15/09/2021 10:19

She's not a decent friend either bring it up or cut her off.

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