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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset?

110 replies

bellabelle1994 · 14/09/2021 20:17

I guaranteed a loan for a long term friend last July, for around £1250 they made 2 payments on it then declared themselves bankrupt reassuring me they'd send me the money each month. The loan was held until May this year because of the bankruptcy claim going through. I've been making the payments on a massively reduced rate.

This "friend" however has been spending a ludicrous amount of money on clothes, takeaway, nights out and other stuff yet has never once offered me anything towards this loan or even an apology.

I feel really upset that someone I am friends with has done this to me. I feel like I should say something but at the same time I feel really horrible just pouring out how pissed off I am at random. I feel like it's my own fault.

OP posts:

CheekyChewinski · 15/09/2021 10:23

What a knooob. Has she replied?

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 15/09/2021 10:27

Pissed off?? I'd be fucking murderous with rage. I'd be hounding her like a fucking dog and making her as uncomfortable as possible until she had paid back EVERY penny. Then cut her out of your life, tell EVERYONE why and NEVER lend money to anyone again. Can't believe people this awful exist.

WellLarDeDar · 15/09/2021 10:50

Any update OP?

Can't believe your 'friend' did this to you! It was a kind thing to garantor a loan for her but she has seriously taken the piss!

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 11:10

No she's not replied but she probably won't until she's worked out a way to twist this on herself so she can be the victim. And to make things worse I've caught my daughters cold!

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 15/09/2021 12:14

[quote bellabelle1994]@DrManhattan believe me I'm seething. It makes me vomit considering when she buys anything new she sends it me to show me as well. I'm just not very good at opening my mouth, and I have been a doormat in this case absolutely. Also I was in an abusive relationship at the time. She's seen me coming hasn't she.[/quote]
Fucksake!

I know you say you have trouble opening your mouth but next time she sends you a show-off message about the goods she is still managing to treat herself to at her creditors' expense - SAY SOMETHING!

Ask her how the fuck she can afford it, & more importantly WHY the fuck is she spending money she owes YOU on treats for herself?

What have you got to lose?
Friendship? - no, she is not your friend?
Money? - no, she is not paying you back anyway ...

I suspect you'll feel better after a good controlled explosion at her.
It will also do your assertiveness training the power of good.

ChargingBuck · 15/09/2021 12:26

Ha ha ha, seen your update about sending your text now OP.
Well done!
I hope you feel vindicated & far better for having expressed your righteous anger. There are more important things than money, despite £1k being a distressing amount of it to lose. After DV, your self-worth & ability to express & protect yourself are paramount, & you have proved you can do that very ably :)

I'm gobsmacked & feeling rather naive about how on EARTH a bankrupt person can find £100 a week to waste on clothes etc.
When, as you predict, she bites back with a narrative about how she is the real victim here, ask her to sell some of her swag, to pay you back.

I'd be warning any real-life mutual acquaintances about her behaviour too. There is no way that going bankrupt 2 months after conning a lot of money out of you was a coincidence.

That was a great text btw

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 13:01

I've still not heard off her. However I've filed a complaint with that resolver and I'm trying to see a way to contact that official receiver just now.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 13:09

Every time she sends you a pic, ask her when she's going to pay the loan. Something like "that's nice. How about the £££ for the loan you took out?"

I'm enough of a bitch that I'd do that same on any social media posts too.

Piggy42 · 15/09/2021 13:14

I really hope resolver works out for you. Your ‘friend’ really is a piece of work. I can’t believe her attitude. Well done for chasing her for the money

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 14:04

@bellabelle1994

I've still not heard off her. However I've filed a complaint with that resolver and I'm trying to see a way to contact that official receiver just now.

brilliant... tell them everything 🌸

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/09/2021 14:39

I guess you've got all the pictures of spending since the loan was taken out as evidence for Resolver or small claims. good luck

thefourgp · 15/09/2021 14:49

There’s no way she’ll give you what is owed. You’re right, she’ll make out like she’s the victim here when she’s not. Good for you for seeing who she really is, sending that text and standing up for yourself. You’ll probably still have to pay it back but life’s full of hard lessons and it’s not a mistake you’ll make twice.

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 16:33

It's good to see OP take the advice given in comments and acting positively..

You're doing the right thing OP 🌸

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 16:49

Thankfully I do everything I can to stay positive, and as PP's have said, even though this mess has happened and it's an expensive mistake I'd rather be me than a manipulative cow that does this to their so called friends. I've known her since I was 8, 16 years!

OP posts:

StoneofDestiny · 15/09/2021 17:01

Fingers crossed for you OP that your 'friend' has a conscience.

2020nymph · 15/09/2021 17:05

Ahh, I wondered if it was a childhood friendship.

Well done for connecting the agencies, hope you get it resolved.

I had a childhood friend who treated me terribly but said it's because we are so close she could be honest and tell me she was too hungover to see me even though I had travelled an hour to see her or when I used the last of my money to visit her for her birthday, buy a cake and present, we ended up doing her food shop for her friends she was seeing later and they would love the birthday cake then. I spent more time travelling then the visit. So many examples. The final straw was when she mucked up a holiday and I ended up wasting over a grand and she told me that if I mentioned it again she would never speak to me. It's been over ten years

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 17:05

I got a reply. Basically what I expected that she's going through a lot and can't afford to pay me. No shock to me, so I've released some more anger off and basically told her that she's a complete cunt, she's incapable of making friends as all she's arsed about is herself and I really hope karma smacks her in her mouth, failing that someone does.

OP posts:

2020nymph · 15/09/2021 17:06

@bellabelle1994

At least you were direct and to the point!

Did you call her out on the stuff she has been buying?

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 17:18

I did. I told her it must me nice to not pay your fucking bills and spend £350 a month on ASOS and SHEIN every month. Went down the sob story route and told her I'm on the fucking bones of my arse every month because of her (I'm not but she wouldn't know, she doesn't ask me what I've bought! ;) )

OP posts:

MrMeSeeks · 15/09/2021 17:34

@bellabelle1994

Shes a cf. Tell her that’s fine you’ll see her in small claims and that you’ll be showing them a text of everything shes bought whilst claiming she has no money. Keep All screenshots of everything she’s sent you that she’s purchased whilst saying she can’t afford it ( don’t know if it will help) But maybe it will prove she’s trying to pull the wool over you and the debt agency that she has no money. She’s a selfish user

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 17:44

She's just a massive knobhead. I've got such decent friends who I've known for 2 years and even some who I've known for 6 months and yet someone I played out with as a little girl thinks doing that to me is acceptable!

The clothes she buys are fucking horrible anyway but that's what she deserves

OP posts:

Cryalot2 · 15/09/2021 17:56

What a dirty low down tramp.
Congratulations for sending her the message . She should at least be begging for your forgiveness. But her sort never learn.
Hope you get something out of this mess.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 15/09/2021 18:02

Christ, the OP at the start of this thread is a totally different person

You made out you were a little wall flower people pleaser.

But now she's a cunt you want to lamp and you're sending abuse quite readily.

What a switch!

Original poster

bellabelle1994 · 15/09/2021 18:18

Maybe I've realised I've been so stupid to just carry on letting her take the piss. I've had enough of being took the p out of. I had an abusive ex who's put me down enough and I'm sick of being walked all over. That direct debit for her loan also came out of my account today and it's just set me off completely considering she's all over social media showing off new stuff once again.

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 18:22

Take photos of all her Spending..

Its very odd for someone still living under the strict terms of Bankruptcy to be so flush to spend and brag about it 🤔

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