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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think he's stepping over the professional line?

116 replies

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 19:47

My son is 5 years old and just begun year 1.
Over the summer hols he attended a sport club 9-12. The guy who runs the club is the schools p.e teacher who they source and he's self employed. Late 50s I'd say.
So there's been a few things that have happened and now I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable and wondered if I'm overreacting or I'm reasonable to feel this way.
So the 1st was when I picked my DS up from the summer club and the PE guy said my son was amazing and smiley and quote "I just want to take him home" There was only us three there when he said this.
Later that evening about 7pm he texts on his work mobile (I had to text this number to arrange the clubs) saying my son was a breath of fresh air and was great.
Today he's finished sports club and come out with a massive bag of haribo. I asked what it was for and my son says star of the week or something. No one got anything last week, not sure if anyone will get any next week.
So would you feel comfortable at all this or do you think there is a line of professionalism he is crossing? I've spoken to my partner who is a primary school teacher and they think he is crossing the line of professionalism.

OP posts:

Whataroyalannoyance · 14/09/2021 19:56

There are new safeguarding processes in schools and things like this, showing favouritism, rewards that are not inline with school policy, the general over friendly nature, is now something to record. Speak to his teacher and voice your concerns

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 20:00

@Whataroyalannoyance

Thank you, do you think his teacher or the head teacher? I don't really know how to word it? Basically what i've said above?

OP posts:

Standrewsschool · 14/09/2021 20:01

Maybe the initial comment was just trying to be friendly, encouraging and welcoming, although the home comment was weird.

It’s unusual for teachers to give out sweets nowadays due to allergies etc.

Is he the same for everyone or is your son being singled out.

You could look at it in two ways. Either he’s a slightly over-enthusiastic teacher who likes to praise his pupils, or it’s bordering on the side of unprofessionalism.

However, your gut instinct is telling you something.

Merryoldgoat · 14/09/2021 20:09

This would not be ok in the school I work with and the safeguarding lead would want to know about it.

The self employment is also something to be wary of as the checks are not quite as in depth and won’t necessarily encompass detailed references.

We don’t allow anyone to work with our children unsupervised unless they are an employee and have had full recruitment checks.

Merryoldgoat · 14/09/2021 20:09

Good safeguarding training will specifically advise against texts to parents and presents.

Kakser · 14/09/2021 20:13

@Merryoldgoat

Good safeguarding training will specifically advise against texts to parents and presents.

Yes presents but a message from a work mobile? (The fact it's a work mobile being critical). Positive emails and phone calls are now encouraged, a text is not too dissimilar although the time of day it was sent is perhaps odd.

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 20:26

@Merryoldgoat

This would not be ok in the school I work with and the safeguarding lead would want to know about it.

The self employment is also something to be wary of as the checks are not quite as in depth and won’t necessarily encompass detailed references.

We don’t allow anyone to work with our children unsupervised unless they are an employee and have had full recruitment checks.

When it was the summer club he had a young boy helping him maybe teenager or early 20s. Sports club not sure who assists him but i think he gets his own help as he is self employed. Usually i'd speak to teachers through software they have but obviously cannot with him as he isn't part of the school and therefore his messages are not monitored like they are with the rest of the school.

I think its the text he sent me at 7pm the night i had already seen him that is making me feel most uncomfortable. There really was not any need since he had spoken to me already that day. And the sweets today, he could have had a certificate or small packet of sweets but this was a huge bag of haribo.

My son is so trusting and will do anything anyone says without a question. Such a kind hearted boy and I just worry people will see that from him and think he's an easy target. (obviously not accusing anything but i'm just talking in general about anyone)

OP posts:

GotToGoBye · 14/09/2021 20:35

The first comment - fine
Text - a bit OTT/unnecessary but possible just
Sweets - this annoys me at the best of times, it’s too much and wrong reward IMO

Not sure what I would do though

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 14/09/2021 20:38

I'd talk to his teacher.

Scandimandy · 14/09/2021 20:39

Just a thought, maybe the guy fancies you and thinks that complimenting your child is the way to your heart?

bodgersmash · 14/09/2021 20:41

I would have no problem with any of this and would think he was a lovely teacher tbh!

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 20:43

@Scandimandy

Just a thought, maybe the guy fancies you and thinks that complimenting your child is the way to your heart?

I don't feel like he's flirted with me though at all.

I don't know I'm so torn. Maybe he is just being kind but I'm not sure the way he's going about it is professional

OP posts:

bedtimescrolling · 14/09/2021 20:47

At its worst it's flags for grooming.

I would definitely raise with the school - maybe just say you felt uncomfortable due to X/Y an felt it was inappropriate?

Betty65 · 14/09/2021 20:50

It does sound odd... I think you’re right to question his motives.
He’s texting you and trying to get your son on side perhaps, so maybe it’s you he’s interested in.
I would definitely talk in confidence to the head teacher and also ask what level of checks the school undertakes on 3rd party providers and also what due diligence is in place to ensure that checks are undertaken with people he takes on...

christinarossetti19 · 14/09/2021 20:58

I don't think the issue is whether he's being kind or not, rather than that sending unnecessary texts to parents about their child and the favouritism is professionally inappropriate.

As a presumably experienced, safeguarded trained teacher, he should know this.

I would speak with the safeguarding lead at the school. Mention the text and the sweets and say that you're concerned that this isn't within safeguarding policy and the teacher could be putting himself in a vulnerable position by these actions.

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 20:58

Well this is awkward, just found out that the deputy head at the school is also his wife. So she would know about my concerns too

OP posts:

christinarossetti19 · 14/09/2021 21:01

You don't need to frame it as 'I'm concerned about this teacher's intentions'.

More 'I'm concerned that this is against safeguarding policy and the teacher could be putting himself in a vulnerable position by doing this'.

I agree that the unnecessary text is the thing that 'feels' most uncomfortable, however kindly it was meant.

RedHelenB · 14/09/2021 21:03

Are you sure he's not the same with the other kids regarding the sweets?

ClareBlue · 14/09/2021 21:03

@Scandimandy

Just a thought, maybe the guy fancies you and thinks that complimenting your child is the way to your heart?

This was my first thought too

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 21:03

@christinarossetti19

You don't need to frame it as 'I'm concerned about this teacher's intentions'.

More 'I'm concerned that this is against safeguarding policy and the teacher could be putting himself in a vulnerable position by doing this'.

I agree that the unnecessary text is the thing that 'feels' most uncomfortable, however kindly it was meant.

Yes I feel this is a good way to word it thank you

OP posts:

Theworldishard · 14/09/2021 21:05

@bodgersmash

I would have no problem with any of this and would think he was a lovely teacher tbh!

Same. I work in a school and sweets are given out, a staff member has joked about taking a child home because he was so sweet and we often say things like he's a superstar etc.

User9088 · 14/09/2021 21:05

She wouldn't necessarily know about your concerns. Is she the safeguarding lead or safeguarding deputy? Her being deputy head doesn't always mean she will be involved in the safeguarding team at the school. All information is shared on a need to know basis only. There should be someone for you to speak to who isn't her and due to the personal link here, she shouldn't be involved in dealing with/recording your concerns.

Theworldishard · 14/09/2021 21:06

Be careful what you may be accusing him off. He could lose everything... Take a step back and ask other parents about him before reacting. If you are thst worried, take your son out of the club

ClareBlue · 14/09/2021 21:08

@christinarossetti19

You don't need to frame it as 'I'm concerned about this teacher's intentions'.

More 'I'm concerned that this is against safeguarding policy and the teacher could be putting himself in a vulnerable position by doing this'.

I agree that the unnecessary text is the thing that 'feels' most uncomfortable, however kindly it was meant.

This seems like really good advice. This doesn't make accusations or discourage an enthusiastic teacher, but does bring it to the attention of people who need to know and might have other info. If I'm asked in future for advice on this in a similar situation, I will be using this tact.

Original poster

Watermelonsugarhi · 14/09/2021 21:29

@User9088

She's deputy safeguarding

OP posts:

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