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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is anyone else finding having partner wfh all the time really difficult?

123 replies

stilllovegeorge · 14/09/2021 18:45

I work 2 days at home and 2 days in the office. My partner works 1 day in the office. I am becoming increasingly resentful of only having 1 day at home alone. How do other people cope?

OP posts:
DressBitch · 14/09/2021 18:52

I haven't had a day at home alone since before March 2020. But I don't mind because I actually like my husband.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/09/2021 18:55

Oh gosh I wfh full time. My dh is off whenever the children are off. I'd hate to think he hates me wfh - I am shut away in a room all day long, I dont expect him to consider me in his day with the DC.

Why do you hate it?

Lockheart · 14/09/2021 18:56

You can't kick your partner out of his own house just because you want some time to yourself OP.

Presumably pre-Covid you didn't have time alone in the house because you were in the office during the week? So I'd cope how you did then.

Dragonpox · 14/09/2021 18:58

DH and I both WFH full time. We are busy and never in the same room really so it's never been an issue. It's nice actually as we make each other tea.

Badgerbonce · 14/09/2021 18:59

Understand op.
Having time alone in the house is wonderful ! You can still love yr dh but absolutely love time alone. !

Trufflepuffpuff · 14/09/2021 19:01

Well, I agree with you OP! It's not about whether or not you like your DP, it's that if you're used to having the place to yourself then it does feel a bit much having them there all the time. I get irritated with my DP leaving stuff around the house (nothing massively unreasonable, just stuff that wouldn't be there normally) and I also resent him a bit knowing he's there and I'm looking after DC on my own (even though he is working). So yes, you're not alone!

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 14/09/2021 19:01

We both wfh and it's fine. Different workspaces and both very busy.

stilllovegeorge · 14/09/2021 19:01

Yes I do make him tea sometimes, that's not the point. It's about space.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 14/09/2021 19:05

I love my husband very much but yes, he's under my feet all the time at home. He's in the end of the kitchen-diner, so I can't even go in and pinch the last chocolate biscuit without him noticing.

Joking apart:
There are things that are brilliant about it. When the fridge-freezer was delivered I didn't need to nip home from work to receive it (I work 10 minutes away). The children are teens, but when ds had appendicitis (afterwards obviously) I could go to work and not leave him alone.
Dh is really good about setting the washing going, hanging it out, getting it in if it rains. He normally does the evening meal (although that is at least partially because he's invariably in an important meeting that can't have banging of pans in the background at the time I want to do it)

BUT: I like my alone time. I need space. I have one day off and I really value that day to be able to relax, and get on with household stuff.

Silly things like washing the sheets. I used to do them all on the day off. My routine was: come back from school run, put sheets on washing, hang them up, back on beds in the evening. Now I can't normally get the washing on first thing because he's got a morning meeting, which means they're not dried by bedtime.
Hoovering can't be done while he's in a meeting (and at times that's most of the day) or baking a cake, or washing the floor (under his feet).
One of my hobbies is sewing. I can't use the sewing machine because I need the same table and it shakes it...

But actually most of all I needed that day to just do what I want. Put my music on and sing (badly) to it. Cry and rage at the walls when things were going badly. Have friends back for coffee...

It's not that I don't like him here most of the time, but not all the time.

Aprilx · 14/09/2021 20:15

DH has just gone back to the office three days a week after eighteen months at home. I don’t mind having the house it myself again, but I enjoyed him being at home more.

Rosesareyellow · 14/09/2021 20:41

I can see how you would feel a bit resentful when you’ve been used to having the house to yourself most days - I guess it takes some adjustment - but surely you realise this isn’t the norm - many couples work full time and then are both home at weekends, others work part time but have kids at home on their ‘day off’. If you’ve still got one whole day alone I really don’t understand what there is to ‘cope’ with.

Rosesareyellow · 14/09/2021 20:43

Put my music on and sing (badly) to it. Cry and rage at the walls when things were going badly. Have friends back for coffee...

I just do all this with my husband in the house 🤷‍♀️

AWellReadWoman · 14/09/2021 20:47

Haven't had a day at home on my own since last March! My DH really needs to go back to the office, I have fantasies about having time on my own and being able to just sit and do nothing without an inquisition into why I'm doing nothing!

MauvePinkRose · 14/09/2021 20:50

It’s utterly horrific and has had me seriously considering leaving on more than one occasion. If we did not have a very young child, I would, as lovely as DP is, I am living in an office, and it’s bloody awful.

HarrisMcCoo · 14/09/2021 20:51

@stilllovegeorge

Yes I do make him tea sometimes, that's not the point. It's about space.
This is something I struggle with every day. I just miss my personal space. Wish he was in the office more😬 getting out walking helps though. Making the best of it...
HarrisMcCoo · 14/09/2021 20:53

@Rosesareyellow

Put my music on and sing (badly) to it. Cry and rage at the walls when things were going badly. Have friends back for coffee...

I just do all this with my husband in the house 🤷‍♀️

So he can be a fly on the wall? Not a chance 😂
Silverswirl · 14/09/2021 20:54

Totally understand and I am in the same boat. It’s really important in life to be alone for some of the time. I don’t want to always be around other people. You are lucky OP you have 1 day at least. I get 0 when I used to get 5 before covid and then after school I have 3 kids in addition.

Camrette · 14/09/2021 21:05

Ugh yes having to helicopter parent the 2 year old because they know daddy’s there and spend the entire day trying to get to him.

Having to keep the toddler quiet because he decides to wander into the room WE’RE ALREADY IN to make a phone call. Ditto to do something on the laptop. Does he not realise the laptop is like catnip to a 2 year old??

Also not being able to sit and relax for a bit when toddler goes for his nap without being asked to do 20 things to help.

Being asked what’s for lunch. Well I’ve just shoved a piece of toast in my mouth for mine but sure I’ll make you soup/beans on toast/pasta/ 3 different sandwiches and then clear up after you because you are ‘too busy’ to put your plate in the dishwasher

WithLargeTableMouse · 14/09/2021 21:05

Oh op I really feel for you. Dh and I have both been wfh since the start of the pandemic and I was surprised to find that I actually quite liked having him at home with me (separate rooms) but he’s just gone back to the office last week and I Am Loving It! Sorry that’s so unhelpful to you and I apologise for gloating.

MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 21:06

@stilllovegeorge

I work 2 days at home and 2 days in the office. My partner works 1 day in the office. I am becoming increasingly resentful of only having 1 day at home alone. How do other people cope?
Why would you resent not being home alone?
TakeMe2Insanity · 14/09/2021 21:08

@DressBitch

I haven't had a day at home alone since before March 2020. But I don't mind because I actually like my husband.
This!
GCAcademic · 14/09/2021 21:10

@stilllovegeorge

I work 2 days at home and 2 days in the office. My partner works 1 day in the office. I am becoming increasingly resentful of only having 1 day at home alone. How do other people cope?
We are both working from home and have been for a large part of the last 18 months. At the moment, I would kill for one day a week at home alone! Thank god we are back to work at our respective universities shortly.

In the meantime, I wear noise cancelling headphones for much of the day, and shut myself away for at least an hour in the bath every night.

Hoolihan · 14/09/2021 21:10

I totally sympathise. I haven't been alone in the house since March 2020 and I actually feel a bit desperate. I just need peace and quiet and room to breathe! Mine is going back two days a week as of next week and I think it will be really good for our marriage to have some space again.

MauvePinkRose · 14/09/2021 21:10

Having someone working from home is very different to just having someone being at home.

MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 21:12

@MauvePinkRose

Having someone working from home is very different to just having someone being at home.
Yep, when they are working from home they are working, so require no interaction, where as if they were just at home in general it might be regarded as rude not to speak to them all day.