Is anyone else finding having partner wfh all the time really difficult?

[stilllovegeorge]

I work 2 days at home and 2 days in the office. My partner works 1 day in the office. I am becoming increasingly resentful of only having 1 day at home alone. How do other people cope?

I don't know why there's an expectation that if you like/love your DH you want to be with them 24/7.

I love the house to myself

You know exactly what every WFH job entails then @MatildaIThink?

I found it very difficult when on maternity leave. I couldn’t just relax and veg out after a bad night with the baby, I had DP constantly coming in and out, waking the baby up, doing stupid stuff like loud DIY in the middle of the afternoon or banging doors and disturbing everybody.

Now I am back at work so he farts around during the day enjoying having the house to himself and then isn’t finished in the evening leaving me to entertain the baby.

I haven’t been able to have friends visit or chill in my pyjamas or anything like that. I do sometimes really resent it.

Wow some people are really horrible. My DP is wfh all the time now, I love him, but it's tiring, I work shifts and I just sometimes want to recharge my batteries, not around everyone else, even my partner because I don't think we need to live in each other's pockets.

@DressBitch

I haven't had a day at home alone since before March 2020. But I don't mind because I actually like my husband.

It’s perfectly possible to like your husband and still need your own space occasionally.

My DH hasn't been back to the office since March 2020 except for the odd meeting in the last few months since restrictions lifted.

I've really had enough of him to be honest. I'm a SAHM so am either busy with the kids or pottering around him. I never get time alone.

Some posters are being deliberately obtuse. You can absolutely adore someone but cabin fever is a very real thing. YANBU.

Something I’ve noticed on here is that many posters have benefited from WFH and guard it ferociously. They don’t like any suggestion at all it might have a detrimental impact on other family members when a family home is converted into an office.

Have you actually spoken to him about having your own hours in your own space?

I was furloughed out of mat leave in March 2020, and then made redundant, DH has been working from home since then.
DS's bedroom was our "office space" DH is a PC gamer (big desk, lots of stuff), so when I got pregnant, naturally we moved all his PC and gaming equipment to the livingroom, as it was the only logical move.

Since working from home, he sits at his desk on his laptop all day working, then turns his laptop off and his PC on and plays games, we collect ds and go to the gym, come home and chill.

I don't mind him working from home, (I did when I wasn't working as I couldn't use the livingroom, so DS and I were limited to walks or hiding upstairs) as I'm now back at work and DS at nursery, we're out if the house Mon-Fri term time, however, he has no escape as our livingroom is his workspace, he hates that, and occasionally will log in and work out of hours as "I'll just do X Y Z" which I reset as once DS is in bed, it's our time...

@MauvePinkRose

You know exactly what every WFH job entails then *@MatildaIThink*?

I found it very difficult when on maternity leave. I couldn’t just relax and veg out after a bad night with the baby, I had DP constantly coming in and out, waking the baby up, doing stupid stuff like loud DIY in the middle of the afternoon or banging doors and disturbing everybody.

Now I am back at work so he farts around during the day enjoying having the house to himself and then isn’t finished in the evening leaving me to entertain the baby.

I haven’t been able to have friends visit or chill in my pyjamas or anything like that. I do sometimes really resent it.

If your husband was doing loud DIY in the middle of the day then that is not working from home, that is doing loud DIY in the middle of the day! If he is now at home "farting around" then he is not working either, it sounds like the problem is his lack of work, not home working.

It sounds like the problem is that he is inconsiderate, not home working.

I had a real shock with some of the men I work with today. In a meeting they were all sharing stories of how they pretend they are in work meetings on teams to avoid basically family life. I think they hadn't noticed I'd dialled in yet but as we have been all wfh I've ensured there is downtime as family is important and turns out they use it to chill and surf the net!

Here we go again. Posters wanting the flexibility to wfh/work PT/whatever it might be but getting the grump that their partner does the same.

1 day a week to myself sounds pretty good, I think it's enough. Any more than that and I'd be bored. Over this last 18 months I haven't had an hour to myself let alone a day a week lol.

I kind of get this. We both wfh though I'm now going back to the office 1 or 2 dpw. I work in the kitchen between the fridge and the TV, so he will come down and make a cuppa even when I'm on a call, watch the TV at lunchtime while I've got my head in a spreadsheet & start conversations without asking if I'm free to speak.

It's a bit like when I get back from a run & he starts talking to me before I even get my breath back.

Sick of saying "I'm working" for the former situation or "wait until I stop gasping" for the latter! One day he might get it.

I don’t think that’s really true at all @Milkbottlelegs

I don’t mind mine WFH, but I can count on, if not one, certainly two, hands, the number of times mine has left the house without me since March 2020.

That’s not healthy, and it has made him unhealthy.

@MatildaIThink yes some of it is. But I am still living in his office. Which is pretty miserable.

I work from home and this my dh must be desperate for me to go back to the office, he has days off through the week and whenever I come out my home office he jumps to attention as if to prove how busy he is! It’s quite funny!

@MauvePinkRose you are right, that is unhealthy. But that sounds like more than just a wfh issue.

I totally get it OP. I love having the house to myself & need time alone. It’s completely normal in my view.

We both WFH full time but DP’s working habit is to technically work right through, no lunch break, but constantly get up and faff around and come in and out of rooms. Whereas I deep focus for 4 hours, take a proper lunch break, then deep focus again. Except I can’t focus because of the above faffination, and I don’t get a solo lunch break to read/nap/garden because of further enfaffening. I’m also more likely to leave the house for a big walk or occasional meeting, so he gets space in the house without me, but I get no space in the house without him.

Delighted to learn he’s being called in to the office 1-2 days a week and I can have some alone time at long last.

I was retired young due to chronic illness and got used to the school run twice a day and then having my time to me to do the millions of things you have to do in family life, or on bad days lie down

7 years ago DD developed a condition that meant she had to go to school from home, and she’s been under my feet ever since

We developed our own groove each year with a new timetable but her condition means I can’t do anything noisy like vacuuming when she’s in lessons as she’s horrifically noise intolerant
And then came March 2020, DH arrived and our dining room became a noisy office, DS also arrived to do school from home too and we had to develop a new way of living that didn’t result in murder

I often find myself just sat quietly in my corner waiting, waiting to do school runs, to make drinks/lunch/dinner or sort anything that they need me to

I’m CEV so I couldn’t just go out and it did at times feel like I was becoming the house slave

DS is finally back in school but DH’s firm has restructured and he’s now home based so realistically at 57 he’s never going back to an office

It’s nice to have them all around but I’m the only neurotypical person in the house and I can’t have anyone over because my home is effectively an office and a school

It’s very much a double edged sword

I agree, I love the bones of my DH but I absolutely need alone time to recharge.

Also when I'm home alone during the day I spend a lot of time walking around the house spot cleaning and putting things back where they belong, often listening to podcasts. Well if DH is here then whenever I walk through where he is I have to turn my podcast off, make conversation, keep the noise down, not do any hoovering etc - so it stops my flow.

He also likes to stop for ages for elaborate lunches that leave the kitchen a right mess. I'd rather grab a banana and keep going! I adore him but I find him working from home almost claustrophobic.

i have to agree it would drive me nuts , even when i was in a relationship i liked being on my own a lot , someone that worked on an oil rig would do me just fine lol ,

Can't you coordinate it so that he works from home on the day that you are at work out of the house?

Ignore everyone who is saying you love your husband less because you want some time alone, they are talking rubbish.

Any other thread on here about partners results in cries of 'stop living in each other's pockets' 'he is entitled to a life' 'you are entitled to some space' 'you are needy being together so much' and other such shit.

Most homes are not set up to be permanent workspaces. Most couples do not, and never wished to, spend every waking moment in the same space. There's a reason that many couples get divorced when they hit retirement age. Or that many firms run retirement courses to prepare people.

Needing space and time to oneself if totally normal. But at least you have one day a week, just try and make the most of it.

For the record, we have been together for over 40yrs, married for 35 and retired for 3. The last 3 have been the most challenging in all that time. When you carve out a life between 6pm and 8am, and two days at the weekend (plus holidays of course) it's a bloody big shock to the system to find yourselves together all the time regardless of how much you love each other. Being in a pandemic might give you a glimpse into your future 😁