Is anyone else finding having partner wfh all the time really difficult?

[stilllovegeorge]

I work 2 days at home and 2 days in the office. My partner works 1 day in the office. I am becoming increasingly resentful of only having 1 day at home alone. How do other people cope?

So many women seem to want the 1950s

Hubby goes to the officec all day while wifey at home cleaning.

@AICM

So many women seem to want the 1950s

Hubby goes to the officec all day while wifey at home cleaning.

So? If it works for some people why not? Seems odd to me that in order to love your partner on MN you need to love being around them 24/7 and having lunch with them every day. Some people just like their own space.

Yes I'm with you OP .

Does he work in a separate room or is he in your living space?
I'm wfh with 2 days in the office and my OH works wierd shifts so he's at home a lot during the day.
I chose to set up my "home office" in the spare room as I didn't feel it was fair to be on calls, clicking away on my laptop in the lounge when he's at home as he would need to be quiet, I also have a technical role so need to concentrate, don't want to hear the TV on in the background.
Otoh I'm a bit resentful, even though it was my choice, that he sits in comfort whilst I'm working squashed in the back bedroom 🙄
I think my point is it's about balance, if he's disturbing your normal day / use of the living space he should take this into consideration and move to another room or bedroom.
Or is his job "a big, important job" where he couldn't possibly be considerate due to his importance?
My jobs important but I still take others into consideration

Gosh what a lot of sanctimonious posters on this thread! 🤣 Although I don't know why I'm surprised.

It is possible to like, nay even love your husband and not want to be in the same space as them all the live-long day.

YANBU OP. I too miss being alone in my own house. This is entirely normal. Don't be made to feel bad about it!

I absolutely understand OP! This would drive me insane.

DH recently went away for the weekend, DS (15) and I watched a series we’re both into then he goes up to online game. He periodically checks on me to ask if I want company, as he assumes I’m lonely with DH being away, bless his heart! I didn’t have the heart to say I’m bloody loving it 😆

Of course it was lovely to have DH back but equally it was lovely to have alone time. Nothing wrong with that.

Interesting topic, my DH has spent periods of time working away during our long marriage. From February 20 to just very recently he was WFH as was I. The frequent forays into the kitchen did drive me mad at times but also gave good insight to how retirement will look, he may finish work in next 12 months and i have sort of already early retired (doing the running round for both sets of parents now).
We are fortunate to have a separate office space. However be careful what you wish for as he has gone back to the office ( Asia) and with COVID restrictions is not likely to be back home this year. There can be too much time alone at home too.

It’s getting really stressful. I work 3 days in a really busy hectic environment and 2 days from home. DH has been WFH since March 2020. He only started the job in Feb 2020 so hasn’t got to know his colleagues beyond minimal work contact. He can spend the whole day not speaking to anyone.

I get home talked out and he is desperate for entertainment. I have had to give up my one night a week social as it clashes with his only night out and I am desperate for him to have human company other than me! ( and I get the house to myself for an evening...

We are fortunate to have enough space for us both to work seperately but I am desperate for him to go back to work... Even 2 days a week would be good. But his work are dragging their heals to make any decision on if/when they are going to be back in the office.

I am getting incredibly fed up with this too. My son's been home every day for months as well. I know some people think this is unreasonable, after all it's his home too. However, my mental health (fucked by work) needs to have some days at home where I can switch off from work; that's impossible at the moment.

I hear you op.

I seem to have become a sounding board for all of dh's work problems, throughout the day, and I am getting a little bit exhausted by it. I do want to support him of course, but I am wfh too and have my own shit to deal with! And miss my days off in a silent house. There are pros of course, and I like it sometimes but would like a better balance.

My OH is one of those types who goes around tidying/cleaning all the time which can be pretty irritating but he just started working away full time again and I really need him back to do some tidying because I miss him.

I’m happy to go to work to get away from my dh! He’s at home all the time and it feels like he’s not actually working, although he is. In lots of ways it’s great as he does a few jobs at home such as the washing and cooking which is great. I do long for space though!

Reading all these comments makes me realise how lucky we are that my OH has a separate office room upstairs. I’m on mat leave now but used to wfh downstairs and neither of us interrupted each other or impinged on each other.
I guess we’ve always known to let each other get on with work, now I’m on mat leave and have time to myself before baby arrives it still feels like alone time as he’s upstairs working

I can have my mum/dad round for a brew and basically do what I want throughout the day as long as I’m not being loud so I respect his working time

We still speak to each other throughout the day when he comes down for a brew or I’ll bring one up to him - I just text him first to make sure hes not on a call etc

I guess it’s just having a shared understanding that eventho he is at home he is working so that’s how we treat it, we still speak to each other throughout the day though in his spare time

At least no one has said ‘well you get a job then’ as was once the trend on these threads, ignoring the fact most of us do work.

I think there is a MN Myth about the Man Working From Home. He is upstairs tucked away in a spare bedroom, feverishly tapping over a laptop.he goes in there at 8 and emerges at 5, taking an hour for lunch where he does household chores and helps with any children at home.

Hahahahahahaha.

The reality for many of us is a man in a central position booming out phone calls, on Teams meetings so you can’t pass through that area, constantly wandering in and out ‘what’s on TV / what are you watching’ interfering (you know how you’re told to put a screaming baby down for a few minutes and calm down yourself? I’ve never had the luxury of that) waking sleeping children and disturbing everybody and commenting on everything.

I’ve had PND which has had to go untreated as I’ve never had the privacy to discuss it with anyone and nowhere is open.

I have really started to resent him for it.

I’m glad my DH and I have returned back to the workplace. I found it very difficult him being here but unavailable…… was lonely without my colleagues I happen to like company. He also worked lingers days as he used his commuting time.

He also seemed to do less housework but that’s another thing.

Don’t understand why you have more right to time at home than he does?

I think your house must be bigger than my flat! There isn't room for us to spread out or give each other space really. Would you really play music and sing while your DP was trying to work? I would think that that would be inconsiderate, rather than feeling uninhibited.

Well I'm the one WFH full time. My hours don't always align with DP's so even in normal times there's plenty of time he's in the flat while I'm working. I don't mind hearing faint music and kitchen noises from a couple of rooms away. I don't usually require total silence to work or even to go on a call. If I do I can ask for it.

When he worked from home last year we just went to opposite ends of the (small!) flat.

The other thing I don't understand about these threads are the posters stamping their feet about needing alone time in "MY house". It's his house as well? Presumably he's paying for some or even all of it? If he's at work all day then comes home to family being around, when does he get HIS house to himself?

@nokidshere

Ignore everyone who is saying you love your husband less because you want some time alone, they are talking rubbish.

Any other thread on here about partners results in cries of 'stop living in each other's pockets' 'he is entitled to a life' 'you are entitled to some space' 'you are needy being together so much' and other such shit.

Most homes are not set up to be permanent workspaces. Most couples do not, and never wished to, spend every waking moment in the same space. There's a reason that many couples get divorced when they hit retirement age. Or that many firms run retirement courses to prepare people.

Needing space and time to oneself if totally normal. But at least you have one day a week, just try and make the most of it.

For the record, we have been together for over 40yrs, married for 35 and retired for 3. The last 3 have been the most challenging in all that time. When you carve out a life between 6pm and 8am, and two days at the weekend (plus holidays of course) it's a bloody big shock to the system to find yourselves together all the time regardless of how much you love each other. Being in a pandemic might give you a glimpse into your future 😁

Great post and bang on the money.

That long thread where the OP was told she was selfish for having to go out every bloody day with her baby during mat leave and sit in a bedroom when at home while he had the rest of the house🙄.

WFH only works if there is ONLY one person in the house or the house is large and the person working has a designated space.

I am lucky in that we do have lots of space and everyone comfortably had their own space during lockdown BUT I am so relishing my empty house now that they are all back at school/University/work.

I adore the peace and quiet.

OP,
His selfishness is what you should reflect on, don't ignore that at all.

YANBU.

I hate the expectation that I have to cook a proper lunch every day. If he were WOH, I could have leftovers or something more snacky.

My DH worked from home for 20 years.

Then he retired...it was a challenge to adjust, which surprised me!

If you're struggling now, think on.

My husband WFH doesn't bother me so much as he has an office space in the house but the kids all back at education is an absolute gift.

The constant never-ending feeding of them as otherwise they were all in the kitchen making different things.

One frying eggs for eggs on toast, one doing pancakes, one making toasties, one rummaging in the pantry saying there is nothing to eat in this house....every day🙄.

So I ended up doing fulltime short order cook to keep them out of the kitchen and under my feet.

The thought of another lockdown this winter gives me hives😳

Oh and I think it has been massively presumptuous of companies to just say unilaterally that you HAVE to WFH.

I’m hating it too and for the purely selfish reason that one morning a week I like to collapse on the couch watching crappy tv and drinking coffee. Of course I can’t still do this with my DH in tbe house but I hate him seeing me iyswim

@DressBitch

I haven't had a day at home alone since before March 2020. But I don't mind because I actually like my husband.

What a horrible thing to say. Liking someone doesn't mean you have to be happy being stuck to them 24/7. How ridiculous.

We have a dedicated workspace so I'm ok downstairs in the open plan kitchen dining room but what I do want is a lock on the bloody office door to keep the fecker in there. We have our own spaces so stay the fuck out of mine. I do not need to be talked at regularly with no consideration if I'm in the middle of something. Taking work calls on flaming loudspeaker in my work space. It's not about being there as such but the invasion of space and totally lack of consideration. The problem though is that the behaviour itself is caused by wfh, it's the need to talk things over face to face, just to get things clear in their own mind, which is easy to do in an office but not from home.