To not give son "his" savings

[Comingup]

17 year old and is currently trying to find a part time job to fit round college. I have saved a few thousand pounds towards a car or travel etc for him. He's been taking it out in dribs and drabs increasingly regularly and has nothing to show for it. I've found out he's smoking weed. He is aggressive and demanding Igive it to him when he asks as it his " his" money, and I havent restricted his siblings access to theirs ( who have used it for legit things). Why on earth should I facilitate his habit? Or should I just let him squander it and hope he learns a lesson when there's none left.

Whose name is the account in?
What are the access arrangements for that account?

(This is why we don't save in the names of our DC.)

Its in my name, he has to ask for it to be sent to his account.

Your DS is a prime example of why mine do not have Junior ISAs. Junior ISAs get handed over at 16 and their nothing parents can do.
I have a savings account ear marked for them but in my name. I'd be sick if they blew or frittered away the money I'd saved for them.

It's in your name then tell him no. It's your money.

If it is not in his name, it's not his money.

It is your money you intended to give to him but have the right to change your mind.

Is the account in joint names or just yours

Oh god I am worried about choosing the JISA route for just this reason! DD is only 2 but I do wonder if I should stop it now

No chance. Your name. Your money until he can prove he’s responsible enough to have it.

Shouldn’t be automatically handed out at same age as siblings. Should be given out when each child is responsible enough.

I have money in my name for my teen too, she won't be getting her hands on it for quite a while after the way she has sqandered every penny she has earned over summer. Her money her choice, but then she comes asking for more. I've said no and she's taken it well, I warned her I'm not fronting her more money as she has spent so much with absolutly nothing to show for it.
A little tough love is good.

Put it in premium bonds in your name so it's not easy to withdraw. It's a faff to take out so prevents silly withdrawals.

No, stick to your guns. Your son is behaving entitled (as some 17-year-olds do sometimes). He won't develop anything other than more entitlement if you give him money at his demand. He needs to learn gratitude and responsibility and unapologetically standing firm for the reasons you've given is more likely to teach him that in the long run.

This is exactly why I decided against a junior isa. Teens can be silly and reckless, or just easily led by greedy friends who want to spend or “borrow” their money. I sacrificed to save up and I intend to keep control of the money and ensure DC will spend it on a car or house.

I gave my DS his £1000 premium bonds when he turned 16. He blew it all (not on drugs luckily but on things for his hobby etc and lots of takeaway pizza!). Luckily he had a job so had to save up from that for his car and insurance etc.

TBH if he’d been smoking weed I’d be glad he couldn’t afford a car - wouldn’t want him losing his license as soon as he got it! DS2 is much more sensible and asked me to keep hold of it for him while also saving his wages from his summer job, so he now has about £3k saved up.

I would definitely keep it back until he’s sensible enough to do the right thing with it. Does he not understand that you will have had to forgo things that you could have bought yourself for that money to be saved? Why does he think you went to the trouble and sacrifice of saving it, so that he could literally send it up in smoke? Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.

If you are the one who put the money into the account, then you have 100% control over it. Don't let him bully you. It's your money until you hand it over to him.

@Lockdownbear

Your DS is a prime example of why mine do not have Junior ISAs. Junior ISAs get handed over at 16 and their nothing parents can do. I have a savings account ear marked for them but in my name. I'd be sick if they blew or frittered away the money I'd saved for them.

DS junior isa is until 18. However, as he would do exactly as OP’s son is doing, I’m not even telling him about it!

My kids don't know I've got a secret second bank account with ten grand saved in for each of them. The account they know about has £400 each in it, that's all they need to know.

Don't let him have it
You made sacrifices to save it - would be galling to have him just smoke it away
Keep holding on to it - he will either thank you in the future, or if he is still grumpy and not mature enough - he doesn't get to have it

I have accounts for both mine but they are under my name and staying that way. Neither of them know how much is in there either

ds would know better than to challenge me for the savings as he knows I would give him one last chance and spend it all on the dog withdraw it completely.

Can you give him an ultimatum? Then don't mention it again for another couple of years until he has matured a bit and shows a bit of gratitude.

DS also knows there is zero tolerance to aggression in our house and he would need to find somewhere else to live.

These are not "his" savings. It is money you have set aside so that you can choose help him with certain life events, on your terms, at a time of your choosing.

Echoing what everyone else has said about Junior ISAs - a completely barking idea. My DC have a nominal amount in theirs - all other savings we are making on their behalf will stay firmly in our name until we think the time it right!

No, wait until he’s older and more mature. 21 or 25 maybe? Or until he’s saving towards something in particular like a car or a deposit for a house.

Ask how much of it he saved if they're 'his' savings.

I wouldn't give him any more money.

Nope, he can find is illegal habit by other means.

My sons are only very young (3 and 51) but I immediately thought to put their savings in my name so I can choose when to hand it over. As my mum trusted me and she shouldn't have as I blew it all at 19 which I regret now

@shapes1

My sons are only very young (3 and 51) but I immediately thought to put their savings in my name so I can choose when to hand it over. As my mum trusted me and she shouldn't have as I blew it all at 19 which I regret now

51

If you can prevent his access to the account, I would.