‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Husbands. As it turns out.

Valentines Day and any forced Date Nights, despite adoring time with DH
Clothes Shopping, despite adoring clothes
‘Me time’ activities - hairdresser, beautician etc are all an absolute hassle and only in my day because of the fucking structural patriarchy. I would rather be doing something else
Prosecco - so vile

You are all very wrong about tea in bed though.

So many I agree with!

Spa day - no thanks. Went to a tv-famous one once for the day - was depressing as fuck, soulless. Never again.

"Relaxation" massage - nope. I am a massage therapist, deep tissue. My massages are not usually "relaxing" anyway, although I have had clients fall asleep during them - they're therapeutic. I hate having them myself unless I trust the massage therapist doing them (I have a friend, she's very good, we swap treatments)

Foot massage - fuck off.

"shopping trip" - nah. I don't much like shopping on a general basis - it's not fun for me.

Day out to the beach - no issue unless the sprogs plan on going in the water. In Australia. Where a large percentage of the sealife wants to kill us. The sprogs mostly don't want to go IN the water, to be fair - we like walking on the sand, looking for things, and maybe getting our feet wet in the shallow water - but going further out than knee deep is not much fun (rip tides too). Oh and rockpooling - that's fun.

Camping. Just No.

Picnics - hhahaahah. We don't have European wasps to contend with here (thank god, bane of my life in the UK!) BUT we do have some threatening species of birdlife! So far we have been disrupted by seagulls, currawongs and magpies. DS2 is particularly bothered by currawongs, and DS1 has been swooped by magpies. So have I. And our ants are spectacular! Some are over an inch long!!
It is entertaining when a goanna comes out to grab leftovers though - just don't get in its way.

BBQs are better - the smoke keeps the birds away and we have free municipal gas bbqs in many areas for anyone to use. Open fire ones are heavily discouraged because of bushfire risk.

"Nice perfume" - nope. Most perfumes smell like cats' pee on me (acid skin) so I have to select them very carefully. Have found 4 or 5 that are ok in my 40+ years of wearing it. And they keep being discontinued! Even Chanel smells like cats' pee. :(

Bath products, especially stinking ones like Lush. No. Make my eyes sting and my nose itch.

Bunches of lilies, stargazer style. Look fab! Stink and make my throat close up. Oh and then the pollen staining but I never get that far because throat closes up. (Ditto jasmine, hyacinth, Neutradol - although that wouldn't really count as a "nice thing")

Surprise outings. No. I like to know where I'm going and make sure I have what I need with me and am dressed appropriately. Surprise parties double ditto with bells on - just NO.

Gosh I'm a whinger!

Oysters. They look like snot on a shell. Only not as nice.

Ori3 excellent post, especially this bit -

Having children. Yeah it's alright sometimes. You love them. But it's hardly roses round the door, they fuck up your house and you have no money. Sometimes they catch you having sex. And they drop your precious things down the loo which really pisses you off.

I'm enjoying this thread, I'd like to go to tye oun with you lots and continue this convocation with wine.

aware so many aspects of such a suggestion are on people's dislike list!

Picnics

Staying in people’s houses

Holidays (most)

@IntermittentParps

Do people specifically mean London theatre? As in, is theatre in Chichester/Glasgow/Sheffield better? Or do you mean particular shows?

Rainmother, surely/hopefully soon everywhere will have a nice independent cafe!

I think London is particularly disappointing because it's so expensive. My regional theatre puts on the big musicals with tickets at around £35. The same show in the West End will have decent tickets at £100+. The current London production of Anything Goes £100 only gets you a mid priced ticket.

The London version will have more well known actors and glossier production but it's the same show.

Takeaways

I am one of the 3% that loves a gin martini. But I do get that they’re not for everyone (or for me to be honest as they are dangerously strong).

Evening dos at weddings - it is ‘nice’ to be invited but it’s a bit like turning up to an all day drinking session at 7.30pm and expecting to just blend in.
(Sorry but) Baby Showers
Afternoon tea

I so agree about fruit tea. It's like drinking a pomander.

I bloody love oven chips though..

Driving gloves.

Another vote for holidays that involve flying anywhere.

I listen to all the complaining about not being able to go abroad and staycations and wonder if I’m from another planet.

Also, sex.

Yeah, okay, maybe I am from another planet.

Ooh and agree with PPs that have said flowers. Such a nice thought but a faff to arrange.

I agree with almost all these things

Suggestion earlier was the pub.
Damn auto correct.

Camping - all the people I know who love it are quite evangelical about it and look at me like I like to kick kittens when I say otherwise.

And why does champagne/Prosecco/Cremant give me such a fucker of a hangover?

Afternoon tea.

Sound nice but invariably pre-made slightly stale sandwiches, often bought in cakes and lukewarm tea.

Baths

RunningStrong, thank you. So you mean specifically the kind of shows that one associates with the West End.
Things at the Donmar, National Theatre etc are usually fab and not always too expensive.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Martinis. I suspect that only about 3% of people who order them actually like them.

Have a pornstar martini, you’ll change your mind 😂

Posh lettuce - a few bits in the mix are fine but when they replace all the greens with curvy endive and the spikey red one it is just bitter and unpleasant.

Agree about baths. I get bored very quickly and if the water temperature drops below the level of volcanic lava, I feel cold and miserable.

Also agree about the beach. Lovely for a walk on cloudy day. Otherwise it's just getting sand up your arse and all over your sandwiches.

Sweets. Always feel sick afterwards.

Small village school with a "family atmosphere" = run for the hills before it's too late!!

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Cocktails.

Oh thanks, I've got to pay £11 for a vodka and tomato juice in a wanky glass, because your bar staff dress like Tommy Shelby and chuck a cocktail shaker about for 30 seconds

So much this!!!!! I'm looking at you, The Botanist!