‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Street food. The food itself is delicious, but:

• queuing
• food instantly goes cold
• inadequate cutlery/crockery or none at all, so you end up wrangling a giant burrito with a couple of sheets of greaseproof paper so it then drips down your clothes
• nowhere to sit in comfort

Spas, beauty treatments, massages etc
Saunas

I’m very low maintenance

Coffee on any format
Nightclubs
Processco

@hamstersarse

Hotels

They are always much more sterile than the fantasy. Sparse plug sockets, limited tv channels, everything bolted down, everything designed for no wear and tear.

Sterile

I never seem to sleep that well in hotels either, be it super expensive or cheaper ones.

The air con noise will wake me up or it’s too loud otherwise or too light so I end up taking ear plugs and eye mask!

Definitely fruit tea. I am a mug and imagine it will taste the way fresh garden raspberries taste, with a lovely aromatic hint of rose or mint or whatever else is in there.

It tastes I imagine biting into rose scented toilet duck would taste. Bleugh.

Also 'date night' when you have a newborn. Or rather, the pressure to go on 'date night'. Why would you want to shave your legs in order to sit in a restaurant falling asleep and waking up with a jolt of panic every time you remember you don't know what's happening with the baby?

Plants given to you by non-gardeners. Invariably they are either something shit (like those naff mini rose bushes that look like someone vomited a 1980s Chelsea flower show into your garden), or they're a colour you don't want. And you're meant to say thanks so much, I love my garden so I totally wanted this random shit to plonk in the middle of it. Then you let them die by forgetting to plant them and you feel guilty.

'Themed' gifts about work. I love my job, I really do. But no, I do not want 'the time traveller's guide to medieval England' again. One, because medieval history is my job not my hobby, and two, because, it being my job, I actually know my shit already, without recourse to the bargain table in Waterstones. I don't know why some jobs seem to attract this? My mate's a nurse and her mum seems to think it means she will want to read every single thing related to Call the Midwife that's every been printed.

MN!

I think I'll just "treat myself" to 20 mins and hours later I over invested and have the hump

London Theatre. I want to enjoy it, some shows are very good, but never good enough to justify the cost. Always slightly disappointing and sometimes very disappointing indeed.

Also breakfast in bed, baths, any shop bought cake, massage, cocktails.

Agree about many cocktails except - dirty martini made with gin, a Gimlet or a Negroni.

And yes to having a massage

I agree about a lot of London theatre. Love the idea of going, mostly sit there thinking about whether or not there’s time to squeeze in a nice glass of wine and chat with whoever I’m with at the pub on the way to the tube.

Most things involving young children summer in general with a baby...

Blame if it's made with decent olives and is served colder than than the North Pole you shouldn't be able to smell it. Or your friend was drinking too slow

@RunningStrong

MN!

I think I'll just "treat myself" to 20 mins and hours later I over invested and have the hump

London Theatre. I want to enjoy it, some shows are very good, but never good enough to justify the cost. Always slightly disappointing and sometimes very disappointing indeed.

Also breakfast in bed, baths, any shop bought cake, massage, cocktails.

My last London theatre show was Les Mis - taken by my ex boss (elderly man).

I’d seen it before live but recall watching, clapping etc and thinking it really wasn’t all that and the film was better!

Work parties/drinks - anything involving work. No.

@PolytheneRam
Snap, Audible is great when your in the bath. ( and other times to of course)

@IntermittentParps (amazing username, I'm cracking up) I agree, the odd time I've had a decent coffee, it's been an independent chain but I've yet to find one near to me, sadly!
I had a friend who is obsessed with Costa/ posting it on Instagram and would regularly request we met up in one; the coffee was never enjoyable.

Cup of tea in bed. By the time it's brought up I'm bored of reading while waiting for it and just want to get up. I'm
Then I'm behind all day and expected to be feeling pampered because I had tea in bed.

Nope.

//// Oogly this is so true.

Sharing a bed. Hate it.

Those little fish pedicure things - rank.

Oven chips

Love this thread.

Agree on anything spa-related. I feel awkward and confused most of the time, and my brain refuses any sort of "mindfulness". It was nice to accept that this kind of thing just isn't me and never do it again.

There are a couple of really good quality takeaways I like but something like a Chinese takeaway or chipper always makes me feel rotten. Took me ages to stop ordering them though.

Hosting dinner parties, or kitchen suppers or whatever they're called nowadays.

You spend the week stressing over a menu that has to suit everyone. Vegans, intolerances, foodie snobs... then when it's planned and you know what you're doing you spend £200 on the one meal, you spend the day stressed out trying to cook and clean at the same time, making your precious Saturday miserable for yourself and the whole family, you are still prepping and sorting when guests arrive, you stress all evening about making sure they're having fun and that their glasses are filled, and you spend the fun part of the evening in the kitchen while everyone else is getting drunk without you in the sitting room.

After everyone has finally fucked off hope you have a mountain of washing up (the dishwasher is never sufficient for all of it) and clearing to do. The next day is spent hungover and still cleaning up.

I was relieved during the pandemic not to have to entertain and I'm considering continuing to not do so for the foreseeable.

Do people specifically mean London theatre? As in, is theatre in Chichester/Glasgow/Sheffield better? Or do you mean particular shows?

Rainmother, surely/hopefully soon everywhere will have a nice independent cafe!

@DinosaurPantz

Naps.

I can’t be the only one who wakes up hot, dry mouth, headache feeling worse and more tired than I did before I dropped off. Doesn’t matter if I nap for 10 mins, 30 mins or an hour. Sounds nice, but you wake up wishing you had just rode the day out.

All of that plus, hungry, really hungry so shove down the first biscuit, cake or sweet calorific thing I can get my hands on.

A previous poster mentioned the tinkly music at a spa ... go yes. If I've not emptied my bladder at least 6 times in a row before going in the music makes my need to go again. So it's even more difficult to relax especially when on your front.

On the few occasions when I have absolutely definitely completely emptied bladder first managed to relax it's when the masseuse has mastered the balance of a little small talk then silence. Lord I've been known to snore myself awake then. But if they venture beyond small talk that's it - I get drawn in to chatting too then it feels rude to suddenly stop.

God it's so stressful.

If you are thinking about how you are getting home and about oven chips, you need to refocus. Start focusing on your breathing, or on how the massage feels. Feel yourself sinking into the massage couch with every out breath. Allow yourself time to just be in the moment. It will make the world of difference.

This is the sensation I got when getting tattooed. Breathing deeply to minimise pain, the gentle low buzz from the needle and the not unpleasant feel of the needle on my skin. I nearly fell asleep

And hen nights. Great for the bride, not so for her guests, many of whom will have travelled 300 miles only to share a bed with a complete stranger. Having spent hundreds of pounds. And only to return home hungover knowing they have to make the journey again three weeks later for the wedding (shudder)... another horror to endure.

Christmas markets

What actually is a pornstar martini?

Does anyone really believe camping is fun?

I hate massages. Don't touch me.