‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Birthday cakes. Always the worst kind of cake. Crappy sponge with awful icing that looks way better than it tastes.

Pantomimes. Fuck pantomimes!

Certain foods that are meant to be treats:
Game
Salmon
Champagne
Caviare

Also, hot tubs, barbecues (already pointed out!), spas.

Works Christmas parties- spending a large portion of your salary to buy a new outfit, get your hair done and a dinner and drinks with a load of people you have to spend every day with. I can't help feeling guilty as to how many grocery shops or family outings could get for the same amount.

Agreeing with so many of these, especially:
Beach with young kids - nightmare
Daytime naps - always leave you feeling rubbish

Birthdays. Mine. The last was a big one and I felt like jumping off a cliff. I resisted that urge and pulled the front of my car off on the railing of a trolley bay at ASDA.

I went in a floatation tank a few years back. Bored rigid after ten minutes and had booked an hour.

@onlychildhamster

lush bath bombs- its just coloured water. Give me bubbles anyday (and you don't need to pay £££ as its just sodium laureth sulfate).

Massages- I don't feel relaxed at all.

Someone bought me a yellow sparkly bath bomb - it looked like I was sitting in a bath of glittery wee…

Bunches of flowers from kind dinner guests while your trying to cook and really can't be doing with cutting stems and finding vases.

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

Cocktails.

Oh thanks, I've got to pay £11 for a vodka and tomato juice in a wanky glass, because your bar staff dress like Tommy Shelby and chuck a cocktail shaker about for 30 seconds

Prosecco - effervescent white vinegar
Crisps in strange flavours, viz. Prosecco (again), game bird
Diet yoghurts - more or less chemicals and sweetener

Hen nights (never been one one, now never will), beach holidays, 4x4's with bull bars (bulls rarely to be found on our roads), politicians, phone calls (can't think of anything to say and can't wait to get off phone).

Tropical beaches - avoid them like the plague. Have been to the Bahamas and the Caribbean a few times, but only ventured onto the beaches very reluctantly. Sand still gets bloody everywhere even if it's pink or white. Still have to treak to the loo or to get a drink. Constantly hassled by local traders. Why put yourself through it? Just stay on your lovely day bed, next to the pool while someone brings you cold drinks and a fresh towel on an hourly basis.

Surprise visitors
Wine
Days out with kids
Snow I hate the stuff
Winter

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Our last family walk was over a year ago, and I got fed up with the literally non-stop monologue from both DH and DS, so sped up and left them behind and then got hopelessly lost

Headphones!

Mine would be

Really sunny days - often just too hot to actually have fun

Massages

Cruises

Going on holiday.

@peppermintpat

I went in a floatation tank a few years back. Bored rigid after ten minutes and had booked an hour.

I got that with sunbeds. Even pulled my goggles off out of boredom. Which is probably a bad idea.

Spa days - boring
Hot chocolate - sickly
Cup cakes - also sickly
Breakfast in bed - sticky and crumby
Anything "cosy" always feels stifling

You lot are mad 😉

I love baths , spas , martinis , late nights ha etc

I would have to agree with , shower or bath sex and getting your hair done .

Making stuff .. craft things like Christmas door wreathes and jars of body scrub .. 1. Hate crafts , would put them in room 101. 2. Makes me think of Kirstie Allsopp ( who I would also like to shove in there) ..

Also cupcakes .. yuk .. they look pretty but are just sickly

@Buttercup54321

Yes! Visitors of any sort...I woke up this morning having had a nightmare that my DH had invited visitors over for pizza....I was quite upset with him after I woke up since he KNOWS I don't enjoy visitors!

Spa days
Hen DOS
Pamper nights
Girlie nights
Afternoon tea
Christmas

Basically anything that involves large groups of women or enforced enjoyment with family.

Saunas/steam rooms/jacuzzis 🤢