‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

@MuckyPlucky

“Nice new handbag” (what’s nice about having something hanging off your shoulder wonkily, or being touted around in the crook of your elbow?).

I adore handbags, always have.

I also like a 'mixed grill'; cannot see anything wrong with them unless you're a vegetarian.

“Girlie nights in” (boring, bland, rather be on my own watching something dark thanks)
Not that anyone's asked me to a girlie night in in a hundred years I wonder why but YES –cannot think of much better than some peace and quiet so I can binge on Walter Presents and its grim foreign dramas featuring a loner cop and some fabulous interiors.

I have a baby!

And @Lanique I’m still probably going to pretty indifferent to other people’s babies 😂

Bbqs
Bath bombs
Weird flavoured food
Board games
Short breaks. Pointless.
Pedi/manicures
Hairdressers
Camping

@WheelieBinPrincess

I have a baby!

And @Lanique I’m still probably going to pretty indifferent to other people’s babies 😂

Yay!

Congratulations OP !!

Agree with many of these....

My contribution is childhood foods you get a sudden hankering for and track down in a wave of misty eyed nostalgia for a sneaky bit of comfort eating.....

So far I have been thoroughly dissapointed by wagon wheels, which have shrunk, are now made from two disks of reconstituted sawdust, a slick of something that reminds me of artificially sweetened PVA glue, and something alleged to be jam that has never seen fruit, covered in a film of what appears to be the scrapings from a dried tin of brown paint. Bleeurgh.

Toast toppers - a staple on toast when I was wee. The current mushroom one is like slime with flecks of what I hope is mushroom, but your guess is as good as mine..... the cheese and ham was like plastic and toasted nothing like cheese or ham.

Angel Delight - butterscotch was my favourite.... now watery and devoid of the sweetness of real sugar.

Also Christmas when your kids are adults - cant afford the things they really want or need so I bung them cash towards it, plus a "jokey / personal" token gift that is still on the sitting room side table in March, I get a selection of toiletries and a plant which does as soon as I touch it or has to be put somewhere obscure because it's poisonous to the cat . Cook a feast and eat it, wwhile fielding phone calls from family and face timing- everyone who does this is immaculate and quaffing bucks fizz while I'm sweating and doing a fair impression of a Sumo wrestler still in my dressing gown wrestling with a turkey and on the verge of mainlining vodka through my eyeballs, wash up for hours, drunkenness ensues, no-one wants to go for a walk and just as the last shred of tinsel has finally been sucked up the Hoover in November it's time to do it all again.

Not sure if this counts but I HATE watching TV with big groups of people. DH is fine but anymore than me and him is a big fat no. I think it’s because, whilst it’s supposed to be fun and sociable, it always feels awkward. People always talk when I’m trying to listen, people are always going ‘who’s he?’ ‘What just happened?’ 😤 Then when I want the loo I can’t just pause it like I would with DH because if everyone did that then the film would constantly be on/off.

So far I have been thoroughly dissapointed by wagon wheels, which have shrunk, are now made from two disks of reconstituted sawdust, a slick of something that reminds me of artificially sweetened PVA glue, and something alleged to be jam that has never seen fruit, covered in a film of what appears to be the scrapings from a dried tin of brown paint.
I thought they were always like that
I always loved them, don't get me wrong.

Everything that constitutes nice middle class "family time".

More specifically:

Family "fun" days
Festivals
Picnics - you just have lots of bitey, stingey things bugging you.
Having to read Christmas cracker jokes

Going shopping with a friend! Both of you are too polite to say where you really want to go for fear of boring each other, so you end up in shops neither of you are particularly interested in, and if you do find a shop that interests you, you can't spend as long as you normally would investigating or trying on for fear of holding up proceedings. Worst of both worlds! And actually I think I have decided that I don't like shopping in actual shops anymore anyway!

And I know I sound like a laugh a minute but I don't really like lunching with a friend either because I don't find talking and eating very relaxing.

Maybe I'm terminally unsociable?

I have a couple more...

Those squashy, low backed, very deep sofas. I hate them - they're bizarrely not comfy and I feel like I'm being swallowed. We've just ordered new sofas, and I shopped around quite a lot to get unfashionable high backed, quite firm ones, which may not be very stylish but are genuinely comfy.

And people commenting on what I'm eating. Obviously no one likes the "urgh, what on earth are you eating?!" comments, but Imeven positive comments make me stabby and possessive:

"Ooh, what are you eating, smells delicious!"
Me, protectively hugging my food to be and threateningly waving my fork: "yes it is, and it's MINE, back off!"

Much like Joey, I don't share food.

Festivals - camping, dirty, crowded. My own personal triumvirate of E.V.I.L.

DD2 was at Leeds this year, but she would only agree to go with friends if she could stay in a hotel. I was so proud of her.

@lockdownmadnessdotcom

Everything that constitutes nice middle class "family time".

More specifically:

Family "fun" days
Festivals
Picnics - you just have lots of bitey, stingey things bugging you.
Having to read Christmas cracker jokes

I wouldn't have called any of those particularly 'middle class'; people either like and do them or they don't, irrespective of social status and nobody does them all the time.

I used to enjoy festivals.
Picnics are OK, you can use insect repellant, but I prefer cafes.
Children love reading Christmas cracker jokes!

I'm not quite sure what a 'family fun day' is, presumably it's when the whole family, big or small, enjoy doing something together. Not much fun if one member doesn't want to do it but is coerced into going along.

None of the above are compulsory.

Camping with small kids

Pizza

Head massages at the hairdressers .

I love a spa day, my brain switches off as soon as my head hits a massage table.
What I don’t get the fuss over though is pedicures. I had one after being persuaded that “I’m missing out” but I didn’t find it remotely relaxing or enjoyable.

Sharing a bath with a partner - not sexy, just squashed and uncomfortable.
BBQs - DH has a great time cooking the meat with a cold beer taking all the credit, whist I'm indoors in charge of salads, coleslaw etc.
Canapes - so awkward
Tapas - having to share and not look like a greedy bastard

fancy afternoon teas - nice idea, but ultimately its £50+ per person for sandwich, scone, cake, cup of tea, all washed down by a sad sense of loss.

@LeafOfTruth

Anything involving a spa. Spa Days honestly sound like torture days, to me.

If someone gave me the option of a spa day or a day cleaning the fat out the sewers, I'd take the latter

Yes this

Agree with you @DinosaurPantz !!!!

Christmas
I hate Christmas

I know I'm supposed to like going out. But mostly I'm just as happy on the sofa. If I am going out, I definitely want a seat, good food, somewhere I can hold a conversation without shouting over music and a taxi home at a reasonable hour. I hope I never have stand at a swanky bar again. I just want a comfy pub.
Festivals? No, no, no.

Any kind of roast, Sunday roast or Xmas dinner or Wednesday afternoon 😂😂 I hate having to try and time everything so it’s ready at the same time, the kitchen always ends up a mess and no one bloody appreciates it!!!

Hot tubs must have been mentioned, surely?