‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Buffets

You end of with a plate of mismatched food, that is bland and full of Mayo

If you’re late to the buffet , it looks like a sad pile of leftovers where everyone has already dug around for the best bits

A breakfast buffet however is something I love, not sure why that is

Christmas day.Love the build up.to it,love Christmas eve but the day itself is meh.

Afternoon tea - no one can eat that much cake.

I genuinely love most of these things! And I thought I was a grouch. Love taking kids to beach, drinking cocktails and having baths.

Centre parcs
BBQs
The fact that Christmas now goes on for fucking months. No decs, no music until December. The later the better.

Eating out at chain restaurants such as Harvester etc... mediocre/disappointing food which seems to cost a small fortune which you instantly regret afterwards. You go because you think it's quick and convenient then wish you'd either just cooked at home or gone to McDonald's..

I recently had the most amazing massage so think it depends. I couldnt relax initially but she told me to concentrate on the exhale and she was brilliant. I have had wanky ones in the past...once the masseuse spent the whole time telling me she was saving up for a washing machine which made me feel guilty, and once the masseuse put a pebble in each of my hands and I got a bit hysterical/ giggly with an urge to chuck them.

I agree with baths. I rarely have one, but now and again I've thought it sounded like a good idea - it's not! Takes too long, the water constantly needs topping up as it goes cold, and I sit there wondering what on earth I was thinking! Fortunately my bath was removed on Monday so I won't have to be tempted again.

The fact that Christmas now goes on for fucking months. No decs, no music until December. The later the better.

Yes, that too. I've been known to put my tree up on Christmas Eve.

There's mediocre jam as far as the eye can see and at least 4 bearded hipsters claiming to have made the world's hottest chili sauce.

Once i vomited on the spot after sampling some hipster chilli sauce. Now I just stay well away from things like that.

@Flumpaphone

Food Festivals

In your head you have the lovely idea of wafting around the stalls sampling new an interesting flavors and discovering new, local producers whom you'll buy from regularly then trying a lovely street food stall and sitting on a beautiful lawn eating and enjoying the ambience.

Reality, it's rammed there are 15 'artisan' gin stalls selling bottles of stuff which tastes no different to Tesco's own for £40 a bottle. You then have to get through a crowd 15 deep whole have mostly hovered up the free samples of twenty quid cheese. There's mediocre jam as far as the eye can see and at least 4 bearded hipsters claiming to have made the world's hottest chili sauce. You can't watch any of the celeb cooking demos from someone who came 9th in Bake Off because tickets were sold out weeks ago.

Then you queue up for half an hour at a 'street food' van to get some overpriced dried up chicken thing which you have to pile 4 high and elbow through the crowds to get back to your family who've only managed to perch on a wall next to an overflowing bin covered in wasps.

Kids spot a Greggs and ask for a sausage roll on the way back to the car.

Never a more accurate account of a food festival.

Why is this not more acknowledged?

Pizza.
Its been a really long time since I had an actually nice one.

Spooning. Don’t spoon me. Don’t even touch me. Stay the fuck over on your own side of the bed.

(Also, people who talk about being the big spoon/little spoon: spoons don’t work like that. Spoons only nestle properly when they’re the same size.)

Easter for children. Every family member 'kindly' offering up sweets and chocolate eggs, ending up with months and months supply of tooth decay and so much packaging to recycle per egg.

Babies! I'm just not that into them.

Agree with Christmas day. Love the build up, day itself is always disappointing.

Getting your hair done, usually sitting in misery for an average of 6 hours for the pleasure of a cut and colour. Absolutely dread it and grow my roots as long as possible.

Already mentioned ‘nice family walks’ it’s two steps forward and ten back with a good couple of moans or some sort of drama from one of two children. Love them to bits but oh dear god I’m usually fantasising about my next glass of wine 🤣

Being a total misery here, but stay cations, pack up your life to holiday with so many items for two small children, which takes days, then seems to take forever to unpack when home……. Oh I’m a joy eh 🤣

I think I'm going to completely cancel Christmas day this year and do exactly what I please. I will celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve with a lovely meal with my close friends and family, go to church for the midnight service, get up on Christmas morning and take my dog for a walk, go for a swim in the sea and then just laze around.

Unpacking after a trip away.

Bbq
Picnics

Cat cafes. I went to one in London and it was £30 to have a mediocre afternoon tea and be ignored by some cats. I could have done that for free at my parents' house.

Also sunbathing and hot weather. Absolutely hate it. So uncomfortable, makes me feel sick and gives me a headache and sleeping is a nightmare.

Hen parties
Fancy dress parties
Office Christmas parties
Fancy hotels; too many soft furnishings just convince me that the room is a germ pit. Totally agree with the pp who said a Premier Inn is preferable.
Posh chocolates. Give me a box of Thornton’s any day.

I am truly miserable and thoroughly enjoy my own miserableness!

Baths! Since I got into a lovely hot bath last month ready for a lazy soak, and a huge bastard hairy arsed spider crawled out of the overflow right into the bath with me. I shot out of there, arthritis and all. Showers only now.

Christmas, I actually quite like the idea of it, but my Mother can only cope with being nice in company for a limited period of time before she resorts to insults and threats of violence.