‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Christmas Eve is the only bit of Christmas that's any good. There's still a chance on Christmas Eve that it won't be total shit.

Actually, yeah - crafts with children. It takes ages to set up, they pay attention for mere minutes then you have to clear up again.

@Flumpaphone

Food Festivals

In your head you have the lovely idea of wafting around the stalls sampling new an interesting flavors and discovering new, local producers whom you'll buy from regularly then trying a lovely street food stall and sitting on a beautiful lawn eating and enjoying the ambience.

Reality, it's rammed there are 15 'artisan' gin stalls selling bottles of stuff which tastes no different to Tesco's own for £40 a bottle. You then have to get through a crowd 15 deep whole have mostly hovered up the free samples of twenty quid cheese. There's mediocre jam as far as the eye can see and at least 4 bearded hipsters claiming to have made the world's hottest chili sauce. You can't watch any of the celeb cooking demos from someone who came 9th in Bake Off because tickets were sold out weeks ago.

Then you queue up for half an hour at a 'street food' van to get some overpriced dried up chicken thing which you have to pile 4 high and elbow through the crowds to get back to your family who've only managed to perch on a wall next to an overflowing bin covered in wasps.

Kids spot a Greggs and ask for a sausage roll on the way back to the car.

Until I read this I would have sworn I love a food festival - but you're absolutely right.

BBQ are divine , but I grew up in a hot country where everyone knew how to bbq properly. If the meat is burnt it's put on when the BBQ is too hot. Also bbq decent meat not burgers eg steaks, kebabs, chicken, ribs etc..

Baths - stewing in your own filth
Spas - stewing in other people’s filth and being prodded by a stranger
Cut flowers - a couple of days in, you have a bunch of dying weeds in slimy water
Fruit teas - hot water tasting of cheap perfume
Shop-bought cakes - always disappointing
American-style cupcakes - HOW much buttercream?!
Breakfast in bed - crumbs plus I don’t like food being taken upstairs
Clothes shopping - so depressing if you’re over a size 12

Apart from all that, I’m generally quite a cheerful soul!

@DragonflyFairy

Champagne and Prosecco.

Love a fizzy drink but always disappointed by these.

I do like Cremant and Nyetimber though!

You need to try Chapel Down sparkling Bacchus if you're a fan of Nyetimber!

I'm with the whole bath thing-we had a gorgeous copper one fitted in June. Still hasn't been used...

Have never had breakfast in bed so can’t comment on that one, but, I look forward to meeting friends for coffee or lunch and it turns into a form of torture with 2 of them constantly talking and no one else can get a word in edgeways! Then the message comes through later-“ sorry ladies, just had lots to get off my chest” So, they obviously realised they were hogging the conversation and guess what, other people have stuff they like to talk about as well!! Think I need to get some different friends!

@CruCru

Actually, yeah - crafts with children. It takes ages to set up, they pay attention for mere minutes then you have to clear up again.

Quite. This is precisely why I paid a small fortune sending our DDs to nursery 2 days a week so they could get all that messy glitter, water play and crafting malarkey out of their systems. Baking was always, always done at Grannie's house, obvs.

I was going to add bubble baths but see I’ve been beaten to that.

Camping, seems fun until you are on a slowly deflating air bed and the Dawn wakes you at 4.30

@H1Drangea

Baths .. disappointing waste of time Massages …I don’t actually like people I don’t know touching me Holidays with young children …expensive and stressful Holidays with teenagers…even more expensive ( a cruise was an unexpected success ) Afternoon tea in posh eaterie … meh Expensive hotels …. I’m a pleb , I like Premier Inn , much better value There’s probably more ….

Bloody love a Premier Inn, me!

Farmers markets (some are shit)

Strawberries dipped in chocolate (rank)

White chocolate (ugh)

Clothes shopping with friends (just no)

Tapas nights

Caravan resorts. Because other people are loud, the potted entertainment just makes me want to die & the beds are uncomfortable. Never again

Days at the Races or 'days' at anywhere en-masse / weddings or most big celebrations (misery guts here) / baths / anything spa related / girls lunches to celebrate anything

69 or anything 'adventurous'

Also have amazing/incredible/RELAXING stress-free massages @ Thai places..

@FurrySlipperBoots

Having 'Happy Birthday' sung to you. There cannot be anyone out there who doesn't just cringe through it.

Gawd yes!! The horror

Degustation menus. After 3 courses of oohing and ahhing over the chef's cleverness, I'm ready to go home. What do you mean there're 9 more courses?

@Glssr195726113493

Aperol Spritz.

This really is hideous stuff!

Most traditional Christmas food. Yuck yuck.
Roast dinners- unless my mum cooked it.
Any pub or restaurant that tries to serve roast dinner. Invariably revolting.
Meals on laps.
Almost all pubs and bars
Nightclubs
Massages- unless it's a proper sports job.
Painted nails.
Banana bread.
Babies.

Fire pits, unless you like every fibre of your clothes to stink of smoke.

Massages
Facials
Going to the hairdressers

All take about 10x as long as they need to.

The Christmas Market comments brought this brilliant thread to mind...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/4091892-To-try-and-recreate-a-Christmas-market-in-my-back-garden?pg=1

sushi

Oh god. Facials. As someone who gets huge, painful spots rearing up from the depths like the bastarding Kraken and leaving livid marks for weeks (despite me being so careful) if anyone tries to "really open the pores" on my face, I HATE facials!