‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

But have literally nothing to show for all your activity, except that no one has died.
I'd say that's quite an achievement

Yep I have to agree with baths absolutely boring. Especially as I'm petite so I have to use all my effort in using my toes at the end of the bath to keep myself afloat

@bonbonours

Drinks in pubs generally. Paying the price of a bottle of wine for a single glass. Cocktails are one of the exceptions because I would never have all the ingredients at home so I actually don't begrudge it so much. Whereas wine and beer you can just buy in the supermarket. So why spend so much on to drink it in a crowded place where you have to wait ages to get served?

I think this every time I’m in a pub. I only drink pints of beer in there for this reason ie I don’t drink pints of ale at home.

I hear the coffee shop dissenters for this reason too.Even worse. Nearly £3.00 for something I have loads of in the cupboard.

Going out to the pub why is the toilet always miles away. I took my headphones with me this time it was soo far away.

Board games

Jesus CHRIST I love a bit of misery but I just CANNOT BELIEVE that someone has said Christmas Eve???? Wtf?! Christmas Eve is the best day of the year and everyone knows it.
I love that you began this with “Jesus CHRIST”. The best day of the year is Boxing Day because:

• it’s the furthest from fucking Christmas as you can get
• leftovers, the only reason to make a horrible and disappointing Christmas dinner
• you can take down THE FUCKING TREE

On which note I add Christmas trees to this thread: allegedly joyful but actually another bit of family fun admin, expensive, hard to lug home, someone always swears putting it up, the cat drinks all the tree water, the toddler necessitates putting all the baubles at the top, the lights don’t work every single year, and it makes your sitting room half the size. Such a RELIEF when it fucks off at 00:01 on the 26th.

Sex
Going to stay with friends or family for any length of time- I'd rather stay in a nearby hotel so I can have my own company and privacy at the end of each visit day.
Shopping for food, clothes, anything- couldn't understand the excitement when shops reopened after lockdown

Card games, board games charades, in fact any kind of game played after dinner. Just leave me out of it. I'm absolutely crap at them and just hate them.

Most alcohol. It just tastes of nasty chemicals to me.

@Brindlepaws I'm with you on the PJs during the day. We always had to get dressed growing up unless ill. My mental health would be affected pretty badly by mooching round in PJs all day, especially now the days are getting shorter.

Holidays - there's usually always something which goes wrong or you can't get comfortable in the bed, or someone gets grumpy and you've spent a fortune to go on it

Any beauty treatments including getting hair done -seems to take ages and I hate having to make small talk for so long

Breakfast in bed - overrated like OP says

Spa days and massages

unannouced visitors

Clothes and shoe shopping - seems to turn me into a zombie and I can never decide what to get

Sunbathing - I can last about 10 minutes before I get bored or sweaty

Christmas dinner - so much effort and seems to just wreck the kitchen

Barbecues unless someone else is cooking

Family get togethers

Agree with most of these - especially bbqs - always shit dry tasteless food (esp at my mother in laws) and then loads of leftover dry cold burgers, sausages, you name it that are pressed on you to take home for lunch the next day - why the fuck would I want to torture myself twice?!

Skiing holidays - yuk - tramping around in painful bloody boots in the freezing cold whilst sweating your nuts off then overpriced food and drink in some restaurant at the top of a mountain with a sweaty head and goggle mark eyes then needing a bloody wee all the time

Shop bought desserts - just don’t bother

And very recently food at restaurants has been awful. My DH has massively upped his game in the kitchen and his food is honestly way better

Posh chocolates. They all taste the same (a mix of the entire box worth of flavours)

‘Significant’ birthday parties in hotel function rooms. Doesn’t matter what age 18,21,30,40,50,60,70,80,90. Just awful.
I always look forward to going to parties and as soon as I get there I remember that I hate them ... I never learn.
(Same applies to weddings)

@burritofan you are simply mad. Boxing Day is a month of Sundays, second only to New Year's Day in the dreary anti-climax stakes.

I do agree somewhat re the tree, I absolutely love it once up but it has taken me 13 years of motherhood to realise I'm better off decorating it alone.

Food Festivals

In your head you have the lovely idea of wafting around the stalls sampling new an interesting flavors and discovering new, local producers whom you'll buy from regularly then trying a lovely street food stall and sitting on a beautiful lawn eating and enjoying the ambience.

Reality, it's rammed there are 15 'artisan' gin stalls selling bottles of stuff which tastes no different to Tesco's own for £40 a bottle. You then have to get through a crowd 15 deep whole have mostly hovered up the free samples of twenty quid cheese. There's mediocre jam as far as the eye can see and at least 4 bearded hipsters claiming to have made the world's hottest chili sauce. You can't watch any of the celeb cooking demos from someone who came 9th in Bake Off because tickets were sold out weeks ago.

Then you queue up for half an hour at a 'street food' van to get some overpriced dried up chicken thing which you have to pile 4 high and elbow through the crowds to get back to your family who've only managed to perch on a wall next to an overflowing bin covered in wasps.

Kids spot a Greggs and ask for a sausage roll on the way back to the car.

@Steelesauce

Days out with little kids. They tantrum and there's always some kind of drama. Always costs a fortune as they want everything.

Yes!!

Totally agree with posh chocolate and would add posh crisps too.

@Joystir59

Sex Going to stay with friends or family for any length of time- I'd rather stay in a nearby hotel so I can have my own company and privacy at the end of each visit day. Shopping for food, clothes, anything- couldn't understand the excitement when shops reopened after lockdown

This too. Although I like sex once I get going. Every now and again.

1000000% agreement with whoever said shower sex. You're damp, so one of you gets cold because there's never space for you both to be under the water, it washes away any natural lubricant, there's a solid chance of slipping over, it's the WORST.

@Flumpaphone that is SUCH an accurate description!!!

I hear the coffee shop dissenters for this reason too.Even worse. Nearly £3.00 for something I have loads of in the cupboard.
But you can't (well I can't) make a lovely flat white, with a perfect balance of froth and milk and strong coffee, at home!

mrsbitaly, I hate baths for the opposite but same reason (IYSWIM); I'm tall and bony, so the bath isn't long enough and my arse bones/elbows/hips/something else will always complain!

When I had a massage I realised how much I dislike being touched by almost all people. So now don't do massages, mani/pedis, hair cuts or waxing. DH is the only one allowed to massage me.

I only go to weddings for the food 😂 Announcement of the buffet gives me goosebumps. But I have to reign it in and pretend I'm totally normal and wait for a few other people to go up first...

Camping

Hen parties that aren't just a night out. Don't like staying overnight in a house with people I don't know. Anxiety about doing a poo with strangers around, and worried about snoring. Sharing a bed or a room out of the question. At a push I might be able to do it if I had my own room with an en suite. I'd only do that for my best friend.

Sitting in the garden. I'll do it occasionally but the livingroom is so much more comfortable with much less insects! I used to love being in the garden as a child though.

Shopping with other people. Clothes shopping. All the getting changed gets me hot and flustered.

cream cakes

I much prefer something sticky and sweet

Ahh so many. Baths. Hot and boring. Having a haircut/manicure - expensive and boring.
Marriage - also expensive with less sex than I expected