‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Hen nights -it's either an afternoon tea which cost me £30 and I only get 1 glass of fizz or cocktail making which cost me £30 and I get one drink or pottery painting - kill me now!
Baby showers - so dull unless you love pretending you are having fun by eating twee cakes and playing stupid games.
Baths - dirty.
Someone (usually husbands) cooking for you when they don't usually - where's the chicken? Which salt do I use? How do I cook potatoes?
Beach days - nope. I can manage a paddle and a bimble but I do not want to sit on a towel for 6 hours.
Massages, spa days, treatments - I'd rather have a root canal done.
I do however like naps, flowers (when I'm not ill), presents, walks and cafe's.

Houseplants - cannot stand them. I am very at houses on RightMove where they have an excess of them (ie more than 1 )
My DD has three catci (one is less than 1" high) but their in her room

Going to the hairdressers . I don;t like my head being touched so the shampooing isn't pleasant ( I refuse any head massage)
When my hair was short I went in pre washed . Now its longer I cannot .

People just dropping in to say hello. Nice and friendly I suppose but absolutely hate it.

Def ensuite bathrooms. Hate them. We have one in the house we are in now and DH uses it to to shave, that's it neither of us use it for anything else, luckily thre are are options. We are building a house and it is def not going to have an ensuite. Nice comfy big bathroom down the other end of the hallway please!

Dinner guests who bring cut flowers as a gift. Which you then have to spend time arranging in a vase while trying to serve them drinks/finish cooking etc.

Suprises

@DinosaurPantz

Naps.

I can’t be the only one who wakes up hot, dry mouth, headache feeling worse and more tired than I did before I dropped off. Doesn’t matter if I nap for 10 mins, 30 mins or an hour. Sounds nice, but you wake up wishing you had just rode the day out.

Complete agree @DinosaurPantz - naps just make me feel sick when I wake up. I never nap. Even if I'm exhausted. Also, I feel like I'm wasting part of my life by sleeping during the day. It's a weird mental block type thing that I've always had.

A large garden, just more work.

Fairy lights outdoors other than Christmas.

Cinema.

@Steelesauce

Days out with little kids. They tantrum and there's always some kind of drama. Always costs a fortune as they want everything.

I love days out with my grandchildren far more than I did with my children, their parents! They behave very well for me and as I now have more disposable income I can treat them to more fun things!

I love Christmas markets as long as they're in other countries. Christmas markets here feel so fake and forced as if everyone is trying to pretend it's a British tradition but I swear they just sprung up here in the last twenty years.

Apart from (overpriced) food they sell utter shite, that you can only buy as a gift for someone you don't like.

Takeaways. I only like 2 places. Anything else most likely awful.

All-inclusive holidays. Unless its a cruise, self-catering is so much nicer.

Champagne. Ewww!

Theme parks. Do I even need to elaborate?

Long, relaxing baths & vodka martinis got me through the pandemic 😬 Often having both at once!

Things I would add to the list of “nice things which actually aren’t”:

Aperol Spritz - tastes like really bitter fizzy marmalade mixed with sawdust.
Having a lie in - I end up feeling cranky that I have wasted the day.
Anything DCs baked/cooked at school & then brought home to share 🤢
Buffets - a large number of people sharing food like that makes me feel ill. Especially any dishes with mayo/sauce of any description 🤮
Takeaway.
Any event requiring the exchange of small talk. I just can’t do it.

@LeafOfTruth

Anything involving a spa. Spa Days honestly sound like torture days, to me.

If someone gave me the option of a spa day or a day cleaning the fat out the sewers, I'd take the latter

Love this. Made me laugh out loud.

Everything on this thread except takeaways. We must be lucky because ours are amazing.
When DS was small, I found going to parks and pushing him on swings etc a special form of hell. I don't know why parks more than any other activity made me bored and depressed, but they did.

Marriage

Sex in a sex pond

Going to the hairdresser. Lying back at the sink is torture. Sitting under a hair dryer is torture.

Cinema food, great big buckets of stinking popcorn, nachos with orange slime dripping everywhere and gallon-pots of fizzy pop!
I should add that I mean cinema trips ruined by all this vile stuff next to me, I would need a very long barge pole to join in. I once had to change seats with OH because a woman came and sat next to me with stinking popcorn, even though I explained she was very offended!

Another vote for shower/bath sex.

Too awkward.
People in danger of injuring themselves.

I agree with just about everything people have mentioned, which must make me a really grumpy so-and-so. The OP is particularly right about breakfast in bed, which must be one of the worst so-called "treats" ever invented.

Also spa days, house visitors, cinema food, days out with small children. And scented candles. WHAT IS THE POINT?

Takeaways. DH frequently tries to persuade me we should "as a treat". No thanks. I always end up with a horrendous IBS attack from the high oil content, wheat, chillies or too many onions. And usually a migraine as well, from the MSG & soy. So my options are pretty limited.

@TokyoSushi

Afternoon tea.

Sound nice but invariably pre-made slightly stale sandwiches, often bought in cakes and lukewarm tea.

You need to go to nicer places!

I cannot stand massages. They make me tense, grind my teeth and wish violence on the person doing it

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

"Saturday Lie ins (bare with me!)"

The joy of this unintentional mistake!
You've just invited the whole of MN to have a naked saturday lie in with you - love it!

Can I be the only one who didn't think it was a mistake, rather a very descriptive word for a Saturday Lie-In, as I remember from many many years ago!

Work Christmas parties/ any work party/ forced social event
NYE
Camping
UK staycations- don’t get me wrong, there are many beautiful places in the UK but a week in the UK costs as much as a week in Dubai and I’d rather be in the sun.
Centre parks- utter rip off
Christmas pudding-a fragrant cannon ball of stodgy

Have only read Page 1 so far. I agree with all of them, with the caveat that I don't have children and so am only thinking I wouldn't find the examples involving DC nice.

Gel manicures

@RaptorInaPorkPieHat

Hot tubs (particularly ones in swimming pools/spas). I used to like them but I had the sudden realisation that it's just an outdoor bath with people I don't know using water that's been in there for far too long.

Reminds me of being on a course and we saw a well-known snooker player in the jacuzzi with a person we assumed wasn't his wife, we took great delight in piling in with them, if looks could kill!