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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is the competitive under eating on mumsnet harmful?

406 replies

foreverlobsters · 13/09/2021 20:35

Full disclaimer- I have a history of eating disorders myself so am possibly over sensitive to this.

Have been reading through another currently active thread as well as what we eat in a day etc (which I occasionally post on and do find interesting). Why do people feel the need to post about their extremely low calorie days on here, or give potentially harmful advice? What's the incentive exactly- and are these people lying about how much they really eat or is most of the mumsnet population in an extreme calorie deficit? Do these people not see how selfish and damaging these posts can be?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 06:46

I don’t really see all this comp under eating and fat shaming. The hyper bole is making it hard to understand what people are referring to. 1200 calories is a perfectly reasonable amount to eat when loosing weight.

I do see lots of competitive over eating and would say that’s much more common, people posting about what they like to eat in th evenings, their fave takeaways their perfect meals, their fave snacks, urging each other on, talking about how much they can eat, how much they drool etc.

DustBathforZebra · 14/09/2021 06:47

I read one of those thread for the first time the other day. Whilst initially fascinated I did leave it questioning myself and what ate, and not in a good way. People even remembering how many cups of tea and other drinks they have had. Breakfast: Half an apple, smeared with 'no sugar added' peanut butter and a small cup of black coffee... then nothing until lunchtime when it would be a small bowl of soup with a handful of grapes and a sparkling water... I would be ravenous and barely able to function.

How did we get like this - where we behave like this over food.

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 06:55

The thing is restricting your calorie intake to loose weight is not competitive under eating, it’s simply dieting, I suspect that’s what people are referring to. Dieting to loose weight as long as done correctly is a positive thing if someone needs to loose weight

And the mythical mumsnet chicken and the poster who posted her family ate a single portion of fish and chips between the family is less about portion size and more about being skint. Sure they declare its huge portions, but it’s very clear those sort of comments are more about finances and less about the fact someone thinks a quarter of a fish or a quarter of a chicken breast is a reasonable portion .

traintraveller · 14/09/2021 07:14

RE the competitive undereating such as a lettuce leaf once a day, I see loads of posts taking the piss but rarely see anyone posting that they undereat. They might eat less than you would but we are all different. Shock horror 😱

EspressoDoubleShot · 14/09/2021 07:33

No. It’s nothing a to do with being skint it’s everything to do with competitive under eating
The posts describing the restaurant salad shared over days which is always humongous. A giant fish and chips. An enormous takeaway
This isn’t thrift. It’s well described controlled food intake. The husband is always tall, the kids are always sporty and portions are always too big , enormous etc. Followed by a diatribe about how huge portions are.

Fincklebinckle · 14/09/2021 07:48

Yep OP I’ve also noticed this.

The board should be moderated I agree.

Although calories are a load of outdated bollocks anyway! I can’t believe so many people live by them.

We are all so different… Our genes and our gut bacteria contribute to individual weight and appetite.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/09/2021 07:55

I do see lots of competitive over eating and would say that’s much more common, people posting about what they like to eat in th evenings, their fave takeaways their perfect meals, their fave snacks, urging each other on, talking about how much they can eat, how much they drool etc
I agree.
I suppose it is down to pps personal reaction to it.
You're thinking WTF reading 1300/1400 calories as disordered whereas when someone lists their large takeaway order or eats a 6 pack of crisp with a family size chocolate bar in one go,my reaction is WTF.

knittingaddict · 14/09/2021 07:58

@Theredjellybean

You should know that you really shouldn't reas those threads. If you have an eating disorder you're never truely free, it's like an addiction. So you are triggering yourself reading this stuff. Just stop.
That's great advice for people who have the self awareness to know that they have an eating disorder. It doesn't make the disordered eating posts any safer if the people reading them are vulnerable or in denial about their eating issues. That is why they should be dealt with. It not as simple as telling others to keep away from those threads.
EmeraldShamrock · 14/09/2021 08:02

It not as simple as telling others to keep away from those threads.
It is really. I stay away from the SPAG or WC or expensive spending threads.
You can't police a large forum.

The only option is if HQ requests a trigger warning on diet threads.

Original poster
foreverlobsters · 14/09/2021 08:03

@knittingaddict This.

As someone who's been through several years of intensive treatment for eating disorders I should know better than to click on and read them.

My worry is for more vulnerable groups such as teenagers who read those posts and don't realised how disordered some of them are (and yes, I have no doubt that a young person starting to struggle with food/weight issues could easily find these threads when typing things into google, which I used to do obsessively as a teenager)

OP posts:
SmokeyDevil · 14/09/2021 08:05

Bragging about not eating for 24 hours is just bragging about having an eating disorder. They just haven't realised yet and think it is normal.

However more people could do with restricting themselves on what they eat, myself included. I exercise a lot and don't lose much weight, because I keep snacking and struggle to stop. Blush I'd probably have lost the 3 stone I want to lose by now if I had any self restraint. People are getting fatter, and it's unhealthy. They will suffer health issues and likely die young, which is horrible to think of.

TrifleCat · 14/09/2021 08:08

Celebrity culture doesn’t help- the very slim & fit women in the public eye whose job it is to maintain their figures, people don’t see the amount of work that goes into those figures ! They have nutritionists, personal trainers etc .

Some very famous overweight women who lost weight over lockdown really ought to be more forward about how they did it, using a team of trainers/dietitians/chefs etc.

gofg · 14/09/2021 08:51

My worry is for more vulnerable groups such as teenagers who read those posts and don't realised how disordered some of them are (and yes, I have no doubt that a young person starting to struggle with food/weight issues could easily find these threads when typing things into google, which I used to do obsessively as a teenager)

I agree with you on this OP. Those who can't see the point in what you are saying are in the main, I suspect, those who reel in horror that others actually enjoy their food, don't see the need to cut out whole food groups, and occasionally enjoy something containing sugar!! I have read some disturbing posts on MN and it's not good.

Mummyratbag · 14/09/2021 09:24

It's not just food threads which are competitive - it's so many things where people think there is a virtue in extremes...

I run 10k before breakfast, see to the chickens, walk the dog, do the school run, fit in 10 hours work, cook a wholesome meal (cooked from scratch from my homegrown organic veg), teach refugees English (whilst knitting for premature babies), put my kids to bed with a bedtime story I wrote myself, work on my PHD, clean the house through and then find time to come on to Mumsnet to critique other people's grammar diets..

Kiwiinparis · 14/09/2021 09:31

100% agree! I’ve read some threads where people only eat one proper meal a day plus 2 coffees and a piece of fruit…that is NOT healthy and can trigger people with EDs so easily.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 14/09/2021 09:32

Yanbu. I don't even have ED issues and find these threads disturbing. I am not touching them anymore.

Kiwiinparis · 14/09/2021 09:32

Mumsnet is so far removed from reality

Annoyedanddissapointed · 14/09/2021 09:33

Also, it's not just undereating. People either eat 1 leaf of lettuce a week or 18 inch pizza for breakfast🤷🏻

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/09/2021 09:39

Most things are competitive on here.

Ultra skinny energetic children
Super sporty children
Super clever children
Only Redbrick universities matter

My dc now 27 was bone idle, never energetic. Got quite chubby at12, but lost it when he got older. Went to a ‘new’ uni. Despite this he is fine, happy and has a good job.🤷🏼‍♀️

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 10:02

@Kiwiinparis

100% agree! I’ve read some threads where people only eat one proper meal a day plus 2 coffees and a piece of fruit…that is NOT healthy and can trigger people with EDs so easily.
But so can stuffing down a tiger loaf in your car before you go home with the shopping, or ramming bars of chocolate ans biscuits down your neck as an evening picky snack. It’s not healthy either and can also trigger eating disorders.

And quite frankly some fruit and couple of coffees and a proper meal can actually be healthy depending on what the meal is , how much water is consumed and the activity levels.. Much healthier than considering a six pack of donuts a portion or a sharing bag of crisps as a light snack.

FairyWings4 · 14/09/2021 10:06

@foreverlobsters I had a chat about this very topic with DH the other day as I read and felt compelled to add to the 'what I ate today' thread. I got sucked in as I felt guilty that I ate three good sized meals and a couple of snacks and fed the narrative of it being 'carb heavy'.

I too have a history of restrictive ED (all fine now). I eat well and healthily but can't help read these sorts of threads even though I know they will frustrate me and make me fixate on food intake.

It's a residual effect of the ED (like a previous poster said). I try and avoid but it's not that easy. I agree with you that I have no idea what the incentive is, the level of competitiveness is scary. The last thing I want is to pass this on to DC and I make a conscious effort not to discuss weight, calories or anything like that with or around them. They're only small but they pick up on so much.

I'm not sure what I'm adding here, just wanted to say I understand.Take care OP :)

Berkeys · 14/09/2021 10:07

@Gorl

Mumsnet is terrible for fat shaming and promoting disordered eating. I think it’s something MNHQ should make more of an effort to combat it tbh.
This
Hardbackwriter · 14/09/2021 10:10

I do see lots of competitive over eating and would say that’s much more common, people posting about what they like to eat in th evenings, their fave takeaways their perfect meals, their fave snacks, urging each other on, talking about how much they can eat, how much they drool etc.

But surely the big difference is that the threads about eating a whole large pizza from Dominos and then ice cream etc - which absolutely do exist - don't present it as normative? Most posters also note that they don't do it daily. The problem with the undereating posts in my view isn't that people say they eat very little, it's that so many of them say everyone should be eating very little, insist they feel revulsion and disgust at the idea of eating more, and that it's presented as a moral issue, with eating more being some sort of character failing. I've never seen that with a post about overeating.

SoupDragon · 14/09/2021 10:12

It is so tedious reading about "fat shaming" when people think "thin shaming" is perfectly fine.

SoupDragon · 14/09/2021 10:15

But surely the big difference is that the threads about eating a whole large pizza from Dominos and then ice cream etc - which absolutely do exist - don't present it as normative? Most posters also note that they don't do it daily. The problem with the undereating posts in my view isn't that people say they eat very little, it's that so many of them say everyone should be eating very little, insist they feel revulsion and disgust at the idea of eating more, and that it's presented as a moral issue, with eating more being some sort of character failing. I've never seen that with a post about overeating.

The thing is, if you comment on someone eating too much, you are called out for fat shaming. The "competitive overeating" type posts are seen as perfectly acceptable.