To leave a small child high and dry?

[SewhereIam]

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

@mummaelle

That's such a kind thing to do, I know she would appreciate this ❤️ Me being me would still have to pick up the child even if my child wasn't in that day because that's the sort of person I am, too kind for my own good.

I think we've found the CF mum 😂

Why should op do this until half term? Or even the end of the week so the mum isn't put out?

The mum isn't even grateful, she fully expects this random stranger to give up time and money to do her a massively inconvenient favour and gets indignant about said stranger saying she can't do it.

Its like expecting someone you barely know to do one shift a week at work for you and you being paid for it.

@Houseofvelour

"Hi (cheeky bitch),

I was happy to help you with school runs for one day and as it has now been a week, it's come to my realisation that you expect me to do this long term.
That will not be happening. You live 20 mins in the wrong direction of the school and although your son is a pleasure, it is not fair to expect me to drive an extra 40 minutes a day.
Might I suggest you find suitable transport (you can find bus timetables online) or move your son to a closer school.

Regards,
One very pissed off MNetter"

This is perfect

Seriously can’t believe posters think you should give notice and do a long school run for a random child even when not doing it for own child.
I really can picture scene at pick up. Teacher sends out dc to you - no I’m not getting her she’s with her Dad - cue own child crying, the dad at best thinking mum forgot or at worse shouting the court order says I have her Wednesday. You ask teacher for ‘Brian’ and teacher says I didn’t know you were a child minder - you reply I’m not I’m just a mug. The mum must be telling school to release Brian to you.

@SewhereIam
PLEASE come back and reassure us that you now understand what a CF this mum is for expecting you to this. That it's not normal to agree to this arrangement and that you ought to stop it right now.

@CoronaPeroni

Posters saying she chose this school but it might have been the only one available because nearer schools were oversubscribed or she applied late having only just moved to the area. No sane person would apply to a school a 20 minute drive away with no means of getting there!

If it was the only school available she should turn to the council and ask for transport. She can't seriously expect random parents to be a source of transport for the next 7 years.

Ultimately the reasons for the child being in school so far from home isn't the Ops business or concerned, he only concern should be removing herself from this crazy situation.

I worked it out wrong…..it’s more than 50 mins each day
I’ll have to go back to my calculations

@MarleneDietrichsSmile

Just stop it OP

You are not responsible

Why are so many women on MN so scared to say “no”?!

Madness

Because we are socialised to be nice, helpful, self-sacrificing, and a woman who stands up for herself isn’t considered to be confident and assertive, she is a mouthy bitch.

But the more we tell women that it IS OK for them to say No, to stand up for themselves, to prioritise their needs, the more we make this the new normal, the fewer women will end up being used by cheeky fuckers.

It’s 80 mins a day additional
So, quite a lot of petrol there too

Why on earth are you doing it if she doesn't pay you? Is she so poor she can't pay and you felt sorry? Are they a relative? Is it DD's best friend? I am really confused as to why you are going 40 mins out your way without payment and why she says you still "need" to do this when you don't have a school run?!

Think about your DD in all of this. I assume she has just started reception too... poor little thing will be exhausted anyway and you are turning her 10 minute journey to and from school to a 50 minute on?? That journey length would put me off a school at secondary level... I would certainly not entertain it at primary. And you are within 10 minutes... how much more time at home will your child have if you stop doing this.

I suspect you have been taken as a doormat not only by the mother but also as a bit of a mug by the person who offloaded the duty to you... they are certainly cheeky too to not be honest about the set up. But I assume they also had been dumped on and were looking for an easy way out.

@Redwinestillfine

Give her a cut off date. Say it's all a bit much and won't work long term. Say as a guesture of good will you are happy to continue until the end of the week but she will have to arrange alternative transportation for next week.

Absolutely NOT! It isn't the OP's responsibility, it's the child's PARENTS' responsibility.

I get nearly as baffled on these threads by the people who gush ‘You sound lovely!’ as the cravenly people-pleasing behaviour that sets people up for longterm exploitation. This isn’t ‘lovely’, this is having no boundaries at all. You are very nice about the little boy, OP.

The boy sounds lovely and it's nothing against him at all.

You can't let this parent take advantage of you. Just say no xxx

WTAF?! How on earth is HER child's transport your responsibility?!

Please please confirm you've told her this ends today?! 😱

@PreparationPreparationPrep

It is a bit much for you to put yourself out like this . But I would suggest message her to say you can't do it any longer as it is very inconvenient. But I would suggest give her notice and you continue until half term and then she should find other arrangements from then on. She will find a way.

So - another 5 weeks of free transport for a child the OP isn't even vaguely related to, then?

You've been very kind and definitely done your bit, but that does sound like a lot of unnecessary time in the car for your own little girl (as well as yourself!). You would be perfectly reasonable to make today your last day, totally guilt free.

I am

There’s no way you should be doing this or feeling guilty about stopping doing this! Madness!

Look on the user app or your local taxi firm. Get a price for the journey- yours to hers + hers to school - then text her and say you will only continue if you are paid this amount each day in advance... she'll soon fine another mug.

This kind of parent will always find another mug. By the end of reception the kid will have no friends because no-one wants him offloaded on them. So you won't be leaving him high and dry as they will just move onto the next one!

That's such a kind thing to do, I know she would appreciate this ❤️
Me being me would still have to pick up the child even if my child wasn't in that day because that's the sort of person I am, too kind for my own good.

It's so easy to be 'too kind for one's own good' when you aren't the one being imposed upon. "I would drive 3 hours each way to carry a perfect stranger's grand piano down 4 flights of stairs all by myself. It would be the kind thing to do! Why are you being so mean, OP?". On every one of these threads there is at least one poster who would be oh-so-willing to accommodate a CF request because they are 'just too kind'. Like bollocks they would IRL!

And I often find that people who purport to be 'too kind for their own good' are often the ones doing the imposing rather than being the ones imposed upon.

Don’t be alone in the car with someone’s else’s child esp a family who you don’t know particularly well. Leaving yourself open to all sorts there OP.

[quote PicardyRose]@PreparationPreparationPrep, no way until half term, it needs to stop today![/quote]
😂😂 I know it sounds a long time but she has been doing it for so long already, I'm only thinking the stress for the child as she said the boy is very well behaved so no issues there. Maybe say a week and if she later comes back to say can't find anyone then give her a deadline of half term holidays.

Yanbu!

WTF?!?!