Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
LimitIsUp · 13/09/2021 14:59
Hmm
RedToothBrush · 13/09/2021 15:00

This is not leaving a small boy high and dry.

This is cf parents not taking responsibility for their own child and instead dumping it on someone else and making them feel guilty if this is not convenient for them.

Not your problem. No matter whether a little boy loses out.

If you let his parents do this, they will never learn that they need to take responsibility - it will effect the little boy more in the long run if you let them do that.

me4real · 13/09/2021 15:01

YANBU, on any day. It's adding an hour to your driving for a random. Are you a registered charity? Even they expect donations sometimes.

If you weren't doing it she would've found some other way to get him there, presumably.

Just say 'I can't carry on giving Zammo lifts as the drive takes such a long time. It's adding an hour to the time I spend driving.'

If you're feeling nice then give her another couple of days to think of a plan B.

GU24Mum · 13/09/2021 15:03

Echoing 99.9% of the previous posters, you need to knock this on the head asap!

Don't send a chippy response - you don't need to as you are so far up on the moral high ground already.

Just say that you'd thought it was a one-off but it can't continue but you'll drop him back this afternoon/until tomorrow/until another day this week when your own child is also going to school!

DO NOT mention any of the following.........

You are sorry - you aren't as you haven't done anything wrong...
Your child not going in on certain days - she'll assume you will do the other days
The petrol - because you still won't want to do it even if she offers...
Suggesting taxis/buses - it's not your problem to solve...
You hope she'll sort something else out - that implies she can twist your arm until you do...
Why is she at a school so far away - not your issue so it's irrelevant

Do it today else, little by little, it will be December in the snow and you'll still be doing this.

Unsure33 · 13/09/2021 15:03

Absolutely you say I am sorry I can not provide transport for your child . End of .

Not your responsibility.

cheesegloriouscheeseyum · 13/09/2021 15:03

@SewhereIam I'm curious as to how she told you that you need to do it anyway. It's such a ridiculous imposition from the get-go, that I find it hard to believe she's then said this on top of you're already doing (I believe what you're saying, but the whole thing really does beggar belief!!))
What conversation was had when you first agreed to this? Does the mum realise how far away you live?
And if it's a 30min drive from bus to school, isn't he over the two miles seat where the LA are responsible for transport? (>2 miles I believe for the youngest children)

ShuddaBeenMe · 13/09/2021 15:04

You need to do what the other parent at school did to you. Pass on the baton Grin

FatCatThinCat · 13/09/2021 15:04

I'm currently doing this but the mum has had an operation so it's very much temporary. Plus she's my friend and she keeps trying to pay me. But overall, she's obviously extremely grateful and isn't taking the piss.

You've managed to get yourself hooked by a pisstaker OP.

Atalune · 13/09/2021 15:04

Crazy! Send the text, be brief and friendly. No excuses no reasoning.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 15:04

I love a CF thread and am now over invested in this!

Need an update @SewhereIam

Goldie9931 · 13/09/2021 15:07

If you're feeling nice you could give her a bit of notice but absolutely say you can't do it anymore.

"From next week I won't be able to do the school run for X anymore just letting you know."

That's all you need to say

Scoobygang7 · 13/09/2021 15:08

YANBU my child is in the out of catchment, it's in the arse end of nowhere. I don't drive and he gets a concessionary seat that we pay for. Due to the school transport team seemingly can't get organised for concessionary seats til the end of this month. It is our responsibility to get him there and back daily for a month. On outdoor days my dp goes in to work an hour early and his boss allows him to do pick up and drop offs, twice a week a have to get a taxi. I am lucky as they pick me up to get him or they bring me back after drop off for the cost of a one way journey, costs us £20 a trip. Its a royal pain in the arse but I would never hunt round the other parents to see if they'd do it. Even though if I would I'd offer to pay for it. She a right cf and I'd be flat out saying no.

bigbaggyeyes · 13/09/2021 15:09

Hi CF, I'm afraid you need to make alternatives arrangements for X to get to and from school as of next week, the current arrangement no longer suits me. Thanks byeeeeeee'

NCBlossom · 13/09/2021 15:09

Entitled woman treating you like staff?!

No thanks!

Gorl · 13/09/2021 15:11

You’re an unbelievable mug if you continue this.

Tell her it doesn’t work for you any more and she needs to make alternative arrangements from X date.

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/09/2021 15:13

I know it sounds a long time but she has been doing it for so long already, I'm only thinking the stress for the child as she said the boy is very well behaved so no issues there. Maybe say a week and if she later comes back to say can't find anyone then give her a deadline of half term holidays.

Schools have been back just over a week...And of course the CF mum will claim she can't find anyone else! it's not the OP's responsibility.

Ellmau · 13/09/2021 15:14

Is it at all possible she thought you lived near her? Still unbelievably CF though.

MrsAvocet · 13/09/2021 15:16

You need to stop this immediately OP.
No matter how nice the child is, or how bad you feel he is not your responsibility and the longer you leave it the harder you will find it to stop.
A one off lift is one thing, even a short term commitment to help a friend out (I was massively grateful to friends who rallied round to help our family with lifts when I was seriously ill a while ago) but to do a large detour on a daily basis for someone you don't even know is madness.If she was your next door neighbour and was asking you to share the load it would be reasonable, but she is someone you barely know, lives miles away and she is putting all the load on you.
You'll end up doing this for 7 years if you're not careful! And what happens when your DD and this boy develop different interests as they most probably will as they get older? When she gets invited round to a friends to play and he doesn't or he joins an after school club your DD isn't interested in will you be expected to provide your taxi service when your own child has other plans? Someone who is hard nosed enough to expect you to do what you are doing now is not going to get any less demanding as time goes on.
Get out now before it gets any more difficult. Don't make excuses or offer alternatives. You don't owe her anything and none of this is your responsibility. She must have had some kind of plan for transport when she chose this school so just leave her to it. Or even if she didn't it isn't your problem. Think what the cost will be to you in a year, with the additional petrol and wear and tear on your car, and that's before we even think about the impact on your family life and well being. Its a huge responsibility and a completely unreasonable imposition on you. Just say no, and don't let anyone guilt trip you.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 13/09/2021 15:18

"I'm sorry, I can't keep giving your child a lift."
End of story.

This is not your responsibility.

GettingItOutThere · 13/09/2021 15:18

what! stop the entire thing now! monday to friday! not your problem AT ALL!!

wow. what a CF she is

Goldbar · 13/09/2021 15:20

I think I might be tempted to ask her what her plan is for the rest of the year. Just to see whether she has the effrontery to admit she's expecting you to give her DC a lift indefinitely.

Whydidimarryhim · 13/09/2021 15:20

The child legal doesn’t have to go to school until he’s 5 - she needs to change school. She is a CF.

AFuturisticalSound · 13/09/2021 15:21

This can't be true, no one is daft enough to do this Grin

Sorry OP, not accusing you of being a troll but, come on, you'd be mad to do it for even one more day

mrsm43s · 13/09/2021 15:22

Just tell the mum that you won't be doing it, and that it is her responsibility as his parent to arrange transport for him. And then have a chat with the school because either this mum is really genuinely struggling and needs extra help, or she's neglectful in her duties as a parent and the situation needs looking at.

The child's transport is not your responsibility at all. Pass it over to the school to deal with.

MaryHadALittleRam · 13/09/2021 15:22

She told you you had to do it?
Laugh and walk away