To leave a small child high and dry?

[SewhereIam]

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

@mummaelle

That's such a kind thing to do, I know she would appreciate this ❤️ Me being me would still have to pick up the child even if my child wasn't in that day because that's the sort of person I am, too kind for my own good.

LOL. No, that’s not being kind, it’s called something else entirely and it smacks of a desperation to be liked.

It’s clear that the other mother does not appreciate the OP in the slightest as she hasn’t offered petrol money, given her flowers or anything that would generally be considered ‘showing ones appreciation’.

OP needs to stop this lift giving completely before she ties herself in knots running around after this cheeky fucker mother.

OP, you need to put a stop to it pronto. A day or two in a dire emergency may be a nice thing to do, but this is absolutely bonkers, the mum is a CF and will only get worse if you let her!

This is insane, why are you sacrificing an extra 40 mins in bed in the mornings to pick up a stranger's kid? Are you really making your kids get ready 40 mins before they need to - why are you putting this random kid's need before your own kids needs?

She managed to get him there the first day so she’ll just need to manage it again. Tell her if she’s unable to get her own child to school then she needs to take it up with the school/LA, he’s her child and her responsibility and p,ease don’t fall any bullshit sob stories.

Aha! The class CF parent has found you! Theres always one! Nip this in the bud immediately or before you know it you'll be agreeing to all kinds of favours. Don't give a reason just say you can't do it so they can't talk you round.

@Beautiful3

Omg you need to stop this, all of it. Otherwise you'll be doing it for the next 7 years! Please stop! Message her saying, "I honestly thought I was helping you out, until you had your permanent lifts sorted. I can't offer lifts any more, because its turning my 10 into a 40 minute journey, each way. I cannot afford the fuel, nor the time."

Definitely this!

Cannot believe the CF is expecting you to drive miles out of your way every day - free of charge - and now has the audacity to add that you still need to ferry her dc around when you don't have your dd. 😱

Words fail me!

@listentomydeclaration text is good but I would leave out the ‘doing it for free’ in case she starts of offer money. Everything else is good to send

For a close friend I might. For someone I barely know, not a chance.

For those saying it’s doubling her journey time, it’s not. It’s 5 TIMES longer! Should take OP 10 mins but it’s taking 50, same at home time.

Basically OP should be doing 80 minutes of school run driving per week, this cheeky tucker wants her to spend over 8 hours a week ferrying her child about. Crazy.

This is crazy. It has to stop now.

Text her this very instant and say it straight: you will no longer be giving her son lifts as it's a huge detour for you. Fullstop, end of.

Good grief. Say no. You have already done so much more than you should have. It's her child so her problem to sort out. I think it's something that the school should be made aware of too so they can ring and ask her what support she needs. It doesn't sound right.

1 hour 20 extra mins in car per day, or 6 hours 40 mins per week, with you paying the extra fuel.
No no no!

Sometimes I just cannot visualise how these conversations go. If that were me (and, I imagine, 99% of the population) it would be something like;

Strange woman: You need to collect my child from school otherwise he has no other way to get home.
OP: I am not collecting my child that day.
Strange woman: Nevertheless, you need to collect my child.
OP: Are you quite mad?

I mean, seriously, how can you even take that request seriously?

I have no sympathy for you OP you got yourself into this ridiculous situation if its even true. I just can't imagine a grow woman with school aged children agreeing to a 40minute journey each day for a stranger, I also find it hard to imagine a woman with school aged children expecting a stranger to run her child to school every day for the next 7 years.

Both of you need your heads banged together

This is bonkers, OP. Just put a stop to it now, I can't believe you agreed to it even as a one off to be honest. It's the kid's parents responsibility to get him to and from school each day, absolutely fine to help each other out in an emergency but this isn't an emergency the CF just can't be arsed to do the school run herself!

She can cough up for a taxi. You've def got to toughen up and not fall for the sob stories - these people expect everyone else to do their shit for free.

You are not leaving him high and dry his parents are. If there’s no way they can get him to school then he needs to go to a nearby one - better to swap now. As a one off dire emergency fine but it’s clear she’s expecting it. If it was his closest school with spaces and over so many miles eg you are rural council should offer transportation to him.

Well, she saw you coming OP

listentomydeclaration text is good but I would leave out the ‘doing it for free’ in case she starts of offer money. Everything else is good to send

I was going to say this too!

If she pushes back I’d add - “I applied for a local school for my child so that they didn’t have a long journey in the morning. Taking your child to school clearly defeats that object”

You're spending a ridiculous amount of time catering to somebody else's schedule. Asking a parent who lives close by to help is fair, especially if there is a trade-off of favours involved (ie one parent bring both children in the morning, the other picks up in the afternoon). But this is just ridiculous, especially due to the extra amount of time required of you.

Please just tell her no immediately - and let us know how it goes.

Give her a cut off date. Say it's all a bit much and won't work long term. Say as a guesture of good will you are happy to continue until the end of the week but she will have to arrange alternative transportation for next week.

She’ll be tapping you up for unreciprocated play dates in holidays too aka free childcare.

@mummaelle

That's such a kind thing to do, I know she would appreciate this ❤️ Me being me would still have to pick up the child even if my child wasn't in that day because that's the sort of person I am, too kind for my own good.

You sort of sound like you are to “kindness” what David Brent was to “fun”

Your child spent almost 7 extra hours in the car last week when they could have been playing, exercising or relaxing. There's no way I'd be doing it again.

You’re not letting the little boy down if you stop this totally one sided arrangement, you’re letting his incredibly entitled and selfish parent(s) down.

Honestly just say no, you’re not doing this anymore. If she keeps asking you send her invoice for the miles you’ve driven already. That’ll get her to piss off quickly.