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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
that1970shouse · 13/09/2021 15:47

You drive 20 mins to their house and 30 mins from there to school, instead of 10 mins from your house to school? Then the same in reverse? That's 1 hour and 20 minutes you are losing out of your day. Every day. Think what you could be doing with that 1 hour 20 minutes extra.

Of course you're not unreasonable to not do this when your ex has your DD. However you are very unreasonable to do it at all. Grow a backbone!

GabriellaMontez · 13/09/2021 15:47

Text message
"I can't do anymore drop offs or pick ups due to other commitments, see you soon"

Then End.

MinnieGirl · 13/09/2021 15:48

Am I the only person who finds it very worrying that this mother is happy to allow her child into a car with a total stranger? And indeed, strangers by the sound of it, as I think OP mentioned another mum had being giving lifts? Thirst is incredibly worrying.

I think I would actually have a very discreet word with the safeguarding lead at the school.

Also, should school be handing over a child to strangers?

Topseyt · 13/09/2021 15:49

@listentomydeclaration

You just send her a text something like:

"Sorry, I am not able to take your child to and from school anymore. I was happy to help for a few days but it seems you expect this to be a long term thing, and for free. That is not reasonable so please source alternative arrangements".

This is the message you need to send. Now. It is her responsibility to ensure that her child gets to school.

For your own good and sanity, stop being such a doormat. Grow a spine or cheeky fuckers such as this mother will walk all over you.

You bear no responsibility whatsoever towards anyone else's children with regard to getting them to school. Only your own.

Hankunamatata · 13/09/2021 15:50

She needs to move him to a nearer school

Frazzled2207 · 13/09/2021 15:53

@SewhereIam

There is no backstory, I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day. I said I was dropping my elder dd off in the nearby town the next morning, so that would be fine. Then his mum asked if I could collect him too, then if I could get him the next morning or he couldn't go in, and so on. It's only been a week but it is feeling like this could get tricky very quickly.
what do you mean 'she had done it that day'. She'd already done the school run once so couldn't face do it or she had taken your child in?

Either way she's been a complete CF.

send her a text 'I'm sorry i won't be able to help you with school runs anymore'

I would only ever agree to this for a close family member or friend, in return for petrol money or whatever.

Frazzled2207 · 13/09/2021 15:54

@Hankunamatata

She needs to move him to a nearer school
ha ha its never that straightforward. Perhaps this school was the closest the authority could offer. But it's not the OPs problem!!
Kindleandacuppa · 13/09/2021 15:55

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WitchBaby · 13/09/2021 15:55

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Chloemol · 13/09/2021 15:58

Sorry xxx I can’t do your childcare it’s taking me out of my way and I simply don’t have time

Sure you can sort something else out

Topseyt · 13/09/2021 15:59

I also agree with those saying that the school should be made aware of this situation. It could be a safeguarding concern.

It does sound as though this child could potentially qualify for free home-school transport. This cheeky fucker mother should be looking into that really, and that might well be the way the school steer her.

None of it is OP's concern.

When mine were at primary school friends and I VERY occasionally gave lifts to each other's children. Like if help was needed because someone was ill, in hospital etc. There was no piss-taking.

Mrsmadevans · 13/09/2021 15:59

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/transport/

FatCatThinCat · 13/09/2021 16:02

@itsgrand

who is the 1% that voted yabu??????????????
The mother and the other people who think they'll be put upon next?
Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 16:04

To be fair to OP, this child started school last week and OP has apparently done all but one of the pick ups and drop offs. It is entirely possible the school assume she is his mother or stepmother, and not some random who happens to have a child in the same year. The teachers won’t have learnt who all the parents are yet.

But yes, if the school do know, they definitely shouldn’t be handing the child over to OP.

Kiduknot · 13/09/2021 16:05

Just why is the child enrolled at that school rather than a closer one?
Surely transport was considered?

AuditAngel · 13/09/2021 16:08

It’s not your responsibility to get her child to school.

Either they chose this school knowing the journey, or, school transport should be provided if the school was allocated to them.

Bollindger · 13/09/2021 16:11

Simply text her, sorry you seem to be confused, I did this as a favour and will not be doing this again, hope you can sort your lifts out,

Zucker · 13/09/2021 16:13

No need for a text or anything. Block her (assuming you do have her number). Don't collect the child again.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 13/09/2021 16:13

Blimey, she really has found a complete mug in you hasn’t she?! There’s being kind and there’s…being a doormat. Sorry to be blunt but it’s beyond me why you would do this even on the days you take your own child. Is it good for them to spend extra time in the car instead of at home? This is utterly bonkers. I usually feel bad for people being taken advantage of but there’s the odd case where someone is being so completely wet that I find it hard to muster much sympathy. Sorry to be blunt but I’m a bit astounded at what I’ve just read and it feels like you may need to hear it!

JosiahJosiahKate · 13/09/2021 16:14

What a CF!
I would message, so it's in writing ,
"I will not be providing school transport for your child after today"
and block.

CaffeineAndNicotine · 13/09/2021 16:14

Just no. They must have had a plan in place when they got enrolled.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 13/09/2021 16:14

Actually come to think of it I think the whole post is bollocks. There’s just no way this is true.

Bollockstothat · 13/09/2021 16:15

Ah well, maybe the mother has a Span Gran who can take the child instead.

Staryflight445 · 13/09/2021 16:17

Message her tonight and put an end to this now. CF

caringcarer · 13/09/2021 16:19

You need to ask her how she will.br getting him to school next week as it is not working for you as adding far too much time on to your school runs.