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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Rach888 · 13/09/2021 15:22

Abort! Abort! Do not fall into the trap of doing this daily. Over my dead body would I allow it to continue if I were you x

LimitIsUp · 13/09/2021 15:28

@AFuturisticalSound

This can't be true, no one is daft enough to do this Grin

Sorry OP, not accusing you of being a troll but, come on, you'd be mad to do it for even one more day

Well quite!
DillyDilly · 13/09/2021 15:28

You need to tell this woman that you will not be able to offer this not a lift any day at all from next week.

Just think logically, doing this means there is 40 minutes added to your school run both mornings and afternoon. You’re being taken for a mug. Put a stop to it.

billy1966 · 13/09/2021 15:29

🙄

diddl · 13/09/2021 15:30

I can't believe that it wasn't even the mum who asked.

And the other mothr seemingly didn't tell the mum, just handed it over & that was it??!!

Hopefully when you drop off today you'll tell her that's it.

QueenBee52 · 13/09/2021 15:30

@TinnedPotatoesRock

The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged

Anyone who spoke to me like that would be getting a mouthful, he's not your responsibility to get too and from school. You need to tell her the arrangement stops now and tell her why - cheeky cow

Yip

2bazookas · 13/09/2021 15:31

Assuming you're in UK, pupils living far distant from their allocated state school get free transport provided by the education department.

www.gov.uk/free-school-transport

In any case, you are under no obligation whatever, and given the mother's nutty attitude I'd stop transporting her son right now before her manipulative behaviour gets worse.

DillyDilly · 13/09/2021 15:31

It’s really no concern of yours how this boy will get to school if you don’t bring him.

QueenBee52 · 13/09/2021 15:32

@SewhereIam

There is no backstory, I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day. I said I was dropping my elder dd off in the nearby town the next morning, so that would be fine. Then his mum asked if I could collect him too, then if I could get him the next morning or he couldn't go in, and so on. It's only been a week but it is feeling like this could get tricky very quickly.

She was getting rid of the 'problem' by passing it right onto you...

IntermittentParps · 13/09/2021 15:32

She's having a laugh.
'I can't pick up or drop off xx any more; it was only ever meant to be a short-term thing and it's not working for us.'

whatthejiggeries · 13/09/2021 15:36

This is nuts

Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 15:37

I’m also pretty surprised the school are ok with handing over a child to a random adult each day. And how many spare car seats do you all have that this is possible for multiple mums to do?

SafferUpNorth · 13/09/2021 15:38

@SewhereIam
Please come back with an update (once you're back from the super-long school run)! We need to know that you're OK and that you've ended this today.

Dixiechickonhols · 13/09/2021 15:39

Please update to say you’ve said no. I’d also think about mentioning to school as it’s a safeguarding concern. It’s reception presumably no one knew anyone before two weeks ago. Random mum asks you to take him you say yes. Presumably his mum was then told and told school to release boy to you (had you even met his mum?!) if you’d said no random mum would have kept asking people. Boy could be being palmed off on anyone - what’s situation with car seat?

thenightsky · 13/09/2021 15:39

Does the CF mum actually know you are driving 40 mins out of your way?

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 15:39

@Changechangychange

I’m also pretty surprised the school are ok with handing over a child to a random adult each day. And how many spare car seats do you all have that this is possible for multiple mums to do?
The vast majority of schools wouldn't dream of doing this. Poor op must have chosen the only one in the country who would. Very bad luck all round.
Teacupsandtoast · 13/09/2021 15:40

This doesn't work for me, I won't be giving any more lifts.

That's all you need to say

Whatevernext33 · 13/09/2021 15:40

Honestly, I'd check in with school teacher, as they shouldn't be letting a small child go home with anyone that's not been designated - there is a safeguarding issue here, surely? The parents are often asked how they would get child to school in pre meetings wouldn't they? The child may be eligible for travel help?

itsgrand · 13/09/2021 15:41

who is the 1% that voted yabu??????????????

WaterBottle123 · 13/09/2021 15:42

This cannot be real....

thelastgoldeneagle · 13/09/2021 15:42

What kind of person applies for a school place for their child without considering how they will get them to school?! She's bonkers and a CF.

perfectasalways · 13/09/2021 15:43

So if your child was ill or you were isolating due to Covid, what would the boy's mother do then? Did she not have a plan in place to get him to school. Just don't do it. What a lot of stress you just don't need.

leavesthataregreen · 13/09/2021 15:43

It's a type and you do need to be very direct with them. I admired a neighbour's puppy once and within seconds she was saying could I walk him just twice a day, could she drop him off during the day every day while she worked. I was so shocked I almost said yes but some sense kicked in and I said no very firmly.

Just say you can't keep doing this and she needs to find a nearer school or pay for appropriate transport.

Lweji · 13/09/2021 15:45

Just stop. Not only it's 1h20m extra every day (40 min each way), but it's all that time with your child in the car. It's not fair on her either.

The first mum asked you because she wasn't willing to do it either.

Just tell the boy's mum that it's well out of your way and that she needs to make other arrangements.

WitchBaby · 13/09/2021 15:45

Yeah yeah, nice one OP.

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