Feeling terrified about NI increase and UC uplift ending

[Isthereroomonthebroom]

Both me and my DP are in low paid jobs. We both have mental health issues, but because we’re considered high functioning, we are still expected to work. He works 30 hours, I work 15, mainly because of childcare costs. We are eligible for the 15 hours free childcare.
We are ‘just about managing’ with help from UC. But because we have a mortgage we don’t get any housing element.

The cost of living has increased since covid and we are now expected to manage on significantly less than now, but on top of that, the NI increase too.

We haven’t had to use a food bank yet, but I think it might happen soon I honestly never expected my life to turn out like this, I’m starting to feel suicidal.
We have a nearly 3 year old son who has his birthday close to Christmas, so that’s two lots of presents we’re going to need to buy, not to mention our nieces and nephews and other relatives, who are in a much better position financially than us, so we’re embarrassed to say we can’t afford to get them anything.

We rely on our parents a lot and they often have to help out financially as both sets of parents are reasonably well off/comfortable, so we are fortunate in that sense, but neither of us likes asking them.

We are both educated to degree level, but are stuck. He doesn’t want to get another job, as he really struggles with change and is abysmal at interviews.

I just don’t know what to do

I think you need to explain to your family that you can't afford to buy presents for everyone this year. As far as your three year old is concerned, he won't know how much his presents cost, or if they're 2nd hand, or even how many he has.

You need to get over yout embarassment and explain no presents and you can buy second hand toys etc as a gift for your child. You don’t need to spend a lot of money.

First of all, no presents for anyone but your own child. It's madness to use a foodbank but still feel you need to splash out on presents for other people's children. Not to say you shouldn't use the food bank - but you need to quickly look at your priorities and prioritise your own child/family above extended family. That's nothing to be embarrassed about.

To be blunt - one of you will need to pick up an additional job / hours. 45 hours between two of you in a low paid job is not enough.

Yes you need to explain to your family why there are not going to be be family gift, s this year, im sure they will understsnd and regarding your son, i have a son whose birthday is on boxing day so i understand the expense, but at three your son wont be able to tell the difference between new and second hand.

Be open with your families - you shouldn't be struggling so much if they're OK financially, families are meant to be a support group when times are hard.

Can you get more support with child care costs?

I also think you both need to pick up additional hours, and possibly look for better jobs if you are educated to a degree level. You said you are struggling and that job interviews are a challenge, but the self confidence from getting a job, the satisfaction of a fulfilling job, and the extra money (so you can stop worrying about it), and the extra free childcare hours you’d get will more than make up for it and might alleviate some of your MH issues.

Could you say what your degrees are? Could help people to advice you. Also as alumni both of you should be entitled to free life long careers advice from your unis

*advise

Why can't you take additional hours? 15 is unrealistic for anyone I sustain a family.

There is no shame in having no money on Christmas gifts.
I'm sure your family are aware of your financial situation it wouldn't take a genius to see things are tight.
The only way out of this is to stop spending any extra, or try take on extra hours.
Even 3 hours extra each will increase your income by over £100.
I know childcare is a problem.
I always worked evenings and weekends when the DC were smaller.
We rarely saw each other but it was worthwhile for covering outgoings.

I agree with @EatYourVegetables it's a cycle you need to break. Sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone to make ourselves feel better in the end. There's no reason why either of you can't be looking for other jobs/hours whilst you still have jobs. There's nothing to lose by gaining interview experience.

Have you gone through all of your outgoings with a fine toothcomb @Isthereroomonthebroom, have you renewed electricity, phone, broadband contracts? Have you canceled unnecessary subscriptions? Etc etc

Im awfully sorry you are in this situation, sadly, there will be many like you. Firstly, don't be embarrassed, there is absolutely no shame in being hard up. Whichever nieces and nephews you buy for, approach their parents and explain the situation. Im sure they will understand and may even be relieved that they won't have to reciprocate. This will take a lot of mental pressure of yourselves. Look at any thing in your house that you could cut down on, or cut out altogether, expensive TV packages or hobbies. Any subscriptions to things you don't use. The Citizens Advice Bureau is a good source of money advice as is the Martin Lewis site online. Sign up for his newsletter. If you do need to use a foodbank, there is no shame in that either, you can get a referral from your GP or Social Work Dept. The suggestion of a second job for one of you is a good one, as it would perhaps give you a buffer, or enable you to save a wee bit, or pay any debt off. I agree with other posters re only buying for your wee boy. Children do not need expensive presents or these Christmas Eve boxes (sorry but do they not get enough on Christmas Day?). As another person said the child won't know if Santa brings secondhand toys. Go around the charity shops, sometimes they get good things handed in and you can buy them at a reasonable price. Wishing you and your family, all the best.

You need to either up your hours or reduce your expenses. It’s that simple I’m afraid.

But don’t feel pressurised about Christmas. You don’t need to buy for family. Your little boy doesn’t need huge amounts spent, they are easily pleased at that age.

Your parents know you are struggling financially.
Tell your siblings that you will not be buying for children at Christmas.
My siblings and I stopped that years ago. As did dh's. Only buy for godchildren.

Many people with mental health issues manage to work some hours, but would not manage a full time week. Pushing themselves to do more could result in further illness that ends in them not being able to work at all.

Think before answering people!

Ok so I hope this isn’t too outing.

We both work in schools. Him as a cover supervisor/general pupil support at a secondary school in the classroom and I work as a part time TA in a primary school.
Therefore there aren’t any additional hours to pick up.

My degree is Sociology and his is Science.

@MattHancocksSexTape

To be blunt - one of you will need to pick up an additional job / hours. 45 hours between two of you in a low paid job is not enough.

This.

I’m sorry for your mental health issues, but when you had a child you took on the greatest of responsibilities and it is your duty to work and provide for him.

Working part time isn’t a luxury you can afford if you’re close to needing food banks.

I would suggest looking into mentoring schemes etc for help with your Cv and applications. Good luck.

I don't receive UC

However, we are all going to have to pay more NI

Yes, you could both work more hours

You can buy reduced price food which is near to its end date after 6pm at supermarkets with yellow stickers or via food waste apps like "olio" or "too good to go"

Christmas, you could buy presents or sweets for £1 or make something cheaper.

Lots of brand new items are donated to charity shops

Try not to borrow worry by panicking about Christmas, it’s only just September. But do tell your family times are tight and you’re ducking out of gift swapping this year. You say both sides are already helping you financially so they won’t be surprised and I’m sure they’d rather their support was giving you what you need - food, essential bills - not gifts for other people. Tell them now and cross that off your list.

Have you got debts you’re spending money on other than the mortgage? Can you speak to a charity for help if so?

Ditch anything that’s not essential and focus on keeping food in. Mortgage, council tax, food.

Our situation has improved now but a few years ago the majority of my DCs presents were second hand. They were both older than your DC too. My DS got a lot of secondhand Lego, my DD got a lot of secondhand Sylvanian Families.

It's good for the environment and your purse. We also stopped buying for lots of family members and in one group stopped buying 6 different gifts and only bought one gift as we did a Secret Santa instead.

If you need to use a food bank use it.

Is there any additional help you can get for your MH needs?

Finding a way to increase your income is the best thing you can do and you must give yourself some credit, you are managing to cover a mortgage.

More hours and more pay gives your more stability.

UC, NI etc, etc, they are always at the whim of politics. (I fully support a well funded welfare state, but as it's a political thing, it's not something to rely on, ever)

Take this one step at a time.

Are there any residential educational settings near you? I work in a college that delivers FE and HE and had a 250 bed residential provision, meaning there are more hours available and it means I can work five days a week as I work evenings with the students and my husband works days, so we don’t have to be worried about childcare costs! It really took a weight off our shoulders.

I also wouldn’t be massively worried about the presents for other children that are your own, and I’ve found some amazing bargains on eBay and Facebook marketplace! I got my daughter a bike that didn’t have a mark on it for less than a quarter of the brand new price, and then two days later she got frustrated with her sister and pushed her into it, scratching the bike all down one side - so I was blooming glad I hadn’t spent the full price!

Sorry but another one saying you need to pick up extra hours. Ok you say you both work in schools, so how about one of you getting an evening job?

Lots do what they need to to bring money in. If you were both full time, you would have the money needed, working 45 hours a week between you isn’t a lot

I’m also worried about Christmas. It’s my first Christmas properly as a single mum (my ex was still living here last Xmas even though we weren’t together) so it feels like I have to prove that I can still do it well.

I only started to claim UC when the uplift was in place so I’m gonna have to adjust to not having it, and I just got a letter from my energy company saying my bill is going up.

I’d love to get a Saturday job or something, but there’s just no way I could. My ex constantly cancels visits last minute or texts me in the middle of the day to say he’s bringing the baby back.

I know from other threads about UC that it won’t be long before a bunch of smug gits declare that I’m just not trying hard enough but I’m literally backed into a corner by my circumstances and living in the #1 city in England for wealth inequality.