Feeling terrified about NI increase and UC uplift ending

[Isthereroomonthebroom]

Both me and my DP are in low paid jobs. We both have mental health issues, but because we’re considered high functioning, we are still expected to work. He works 30 hours, I work 15, mainly because of childcare costs. We are eligible for the 15 hours free childcare.
We are ‘just about managing’ with help from UC. But because we have a mortgage we don’t get any housing element.

The cost of living has increased since covid and we are now expected to manage on significantly less than now, but on top of that, the NI increase too.

We haven’t had to use a food bank yet, but I think it might happen soon I honestly never expected my life to turn out like this, I’m starting to feel suicidal.
We have a nearly 3 year old son who has his birthday close to Christmas, so that’s two lots of presents we’re going to need to buy, not to mention our nieces and nephews and other relatives, who are in a much better position financially than us, so we’re embarrassed to say we can’t afford to get them anything.

We rely on our parents a lot and they often have to help out financially as both sets of parents are reasonably well off/comfortable, so we are fortunate in that sense, but neither of us likes asking them.

We are both educated to degree level, but are stuck. He doesn’t want to get another job, as he really struggles with change and is abysmal at interviews.

I just don’t know what to do

@JustLyra

I’m sorry for your mental health issues, but when you had a child you took on the greatest of responsibilities and it is your duty to work and provide for him.

No wonder mental health issues are still stigmatised with comments like this.

You’d never dream of saying “I’m sorry for your MS/Parkinson’s/physical disability, but…”

Indeed. So easy to say and so unkind

Oh, and well done for reaching out for advise, good on you!

Couple of things that stood out to me

1. If your sim is 3 you will also be eligible for the additional free funded hours at childcare - could you explore this?

1. If you work 15 hours and your partner 30 could one of you look to pick up some weekend or evening work? Would probably make sense if this was you to make the most of tax/ ni brackets

1. As others have said - can you look at your outgoings? Money saving experts has some really good starting points for cost savings eg go one brand lower on your supermarket shop and see if you notice the difference. Batch cooking (just double up what your making and freeze one lot) also helps.

1. Christmas - set a budget for your son & don’t exceed it. He has no idea if he gets 2 or 15 gifts nor what they cost. You need to just explain to your family you can’t do gifts this year. I am sure they’ll understand.

Hoping some of this helps x

@Isthereroomonthebroom

Ok so I hope this isn’t too outing.

We both work in schools. Him as a cover supervisor/general pupil support at a secondary school in the classroom and I work as a part time TA in a primary school.
Therefore there aren’t any additional hours to pick up.

My degree is Sociology and his is Science.

Have you exhausted all school options - breakfast club, after school club, midday etc? I work on a small school and our TAs do all these. They don't get a lunch break necessarily but you can manage that on 9-3.30. Sorry you're struggling.

Previous posters comment about working hospitality at major events is a good one - you can choose which ones you work at and even though basic pay is standard if you can get into the hospitality suites the tips are great.

If you both work within a schoolcare setting would you think about one/both of you becoming a qualified childcarer and doing wraparound care? Just wondering if something like that might be less of an intimidating change than a completely new job. Otherwise, yes particularly when son gets a bit older and is in school full time you will probably have to increase your hours somewhere even if its doing supermarket picking in the early hours of the morning or something. How about exam vigilation in the summer next year? As for now is there anything the two of you can do in your free time to just earn a bit extra? Loads of ideas on the money board on mn - from surveys to ironing, matched betting, data entry work etc. Things that arefairly low stress and can be done any time of the day just to ease you into working a bit more.

Also agree you need to tell family you won't be doing presents now. As pp said your parents are happy to help you with essentials but might be a bit annoyed if they realise that their money is basically going towards extra presents for their grandkids etc just with you getting the credit for them!

For those saying I’m unkind, how will trite phrases like ‘go easy on yourself’ get Op the money she needs?

There’s been some good suggestion re Christmas but that doesn’t help in the grand scheme of things.

Op needs money, she is on the brink of going to a food bank. She works part time. What would you suggest?

Be honest about buying Christmas presents, most people will probably be relieved at cutting back and don't get into the habit of giving big, expensive presents for your own DC ... it really isn't necessary. Lots of nice things can be picked up at charity shops or Freecycle etc.

And there is no shame in using your local food bank, I volunteer at our food bank and (I appreciate this is probably unusual) but we have far more food and donations than people to give it out to ... we would love to support more low income working families like yourselves.

Also see if there is a 'surplus food' or community fridge type project in your area.

Could either of you mark exams.

@Pinkdelight3 Gives some great ideas on the jobs front.

I was also wondering whether your DH might not be well placed to get lab work with a science degree? Lots of it about at the moment and it’s not a job where you take your stress and work home with you unless you are in a research role, which he wouldn’t be. The pay isn’t amazing but he could pick up more hours without great physical or mental exertion.

Also other posters are right about presents. You are lucky with your son’s age; a few cardboard Amazon/ whatever boxes saved and wrapped containing second hand toys and he’ll be thrilled. I spent very little on them at that age anyway, the magic isn’t in the £££ and hopefully you already have decorations from previous years. Covid is making it a lot easier for many people to have the cards and token chocolate only conversation, same with smaller weddings etc.

“Doesn’t like change and is abysmal at interviews”

DP may have to accept that change is necessary in order to earn more money, which I’m sure with a science degree he’s capable of doing.
With regards to interviews, I’m crap at them too, but when I have to do them practice makes perfect. I would encourage him to apply for jobs that he may not necessarily want but just to get the interview practice / experience in

Have a look at Qmee.com where you get paid for doing surveys.

I do it on the side of a full time job and,while it's time consuming and repetitive, you can do it while watching the TV etc and I can make about £75-£100 a month putting in about an hour a day - spread over the days.

It won't make you rich but it might help fill (some of the) gap created by UC and NI changes?

Don't be embarrassed about using a food bank this is why they are there. Also look for a local Community fridge who hate waste and want the food used.
Have you got anything you could sell?
You are right the cost of living has gone up and it is terrifying. I am a single parent with two jobs totalling 42 hours a week and I worry all the time.
Just do anything you can to get through.

@Realyorkshiretea

For those saying I’m unkind, how will trite phrases like ‘go easy on yourself’ get Op the money she needs?

There’s been some good suggestion re Christmas but that doesn’t help in the grand scheme of things.

Op needs money, she is on the brink of going to a food bank. She works part time. What would you suggest?

How does telling someone with health issues to work more help?

If it was as simple as working more then the Op would have already done that.

It’s insulting both due to the health issues and your assumption that that would have occurred to her.

@JustLyra how will not working more hours and ending up on the breadline help OP’s MH? Working full time has to be better than that, I’m not saying it wouldn’t be challenging but everything is these daysZ

For Christmas - talk to your family. They’ll understand.

Use the food bank if you need to. Also find out if there are any other community schemes in your area like a community larder.

Look at all your outgoings and double check there’s nothing missed - I recently discovered that switching from standing order to DD got me a small discount on one bill.

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@JustLyra how will not working more hours and ending up on the breadline help OP’s MH? Working full time has to be better than that, I’m not saying it wouldn’t be challenging but everything is these daysZ[/quote]
How would pushing herself beyond capabilities and doing long term damage help?

Not everyone can work full time. It’s simply not possible for some people.

Cpuld this be of interest? I appreciate it might be a bit much for you right now but thought it worth flagging, just in case?

www.savethestudent.org/make-money/make-money-as-a-private-tutor.html

@JustLyra ok I think we’re just not going to agree on that one, so let’s leave it there and not derail.

The ableism on this thread is shocking.

Mental illnesses are illnesses!

I've had to drop from 40 hours, to 30 hours and then down to 20 hours because I can't get through a full day without having absolutely debilitating anxiety attacks despite being pilled up to my eyeballs by the GP.

I have a toddler.

I don't have a partner any more because he decided before last Christmas that he wanted me dead.

The uplift was the difference between sleeping soundly and laying awake worrying about money on top of anxiety and PTSD.

The uplift was an absolute life line.

And now not only is that gone, but NI is going up too.

And people will happily just bleat on about how that's right because they didn't get paid any more from their own jobs when either a. They don't need it or b. They were entitled to it but didn't claim it so it

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@JustLyra ok I think we’re just not going to agree on that one, so let’s leave it there and not derail.[/quote]
You’re right. We’re never going to agree

And now not only is that gone, but NI is going up too.

The unfortunate truth is that there's nothing anyone can actually do about that so the OP needs to make adjustments accordingly.

Either she cuts her expenditure or increases her income. I'm not sure what other kind of solution anyone is expecting from this thread, aside from managing expectations about Christmas.

@myrtleberry

Could either of you mark exams.

You need to be a qualified teacher with something like 3 years' experience.

Christmas: as pp have said, get a present for yoyr child only. Make their day as special as possible. There is no shame in cutting back the present list. I don't bother buying presents for anyone but DH, DD and my parents. It caused a ruckus but I said, we simply cannot afford your expected gifts any longer. Jog on.

Food bank: Heavens, yes, use it. And get on to Jack Monroe's website about thrifty eating. cookingonabootstrap.com/

I don't agree with picking up up extra work when you are already overwhelmed mentally...been there, done that. Working MORE pay help pay the bills but you should pick what your limit IS and stick with it.

Your priorities are shelter, food, warmth and clothes. Everything else are luxuries that make life a little better but are not essential. Review your outgoings monthly.

Sending hugs We are all going to be hit by the NI rise but low earners will be hit the WORST. It's a shitty thing.

Is your LO not entitled to 30 free hours childcare due to him being 3?

First you need to not do the presents or at least do an affordable budget, charity shops pound stores, homemade etc. Your children are young they won't care of the value of the gifts its more the excitement.

Cant you increase your hours I thought childcare was 30 hours not 15 and as its term time and you are both in school so presumably get school holidays off?

Well Done for seeking advice its the first step. But without meaning to sound blunt if you want or need more money you will need to do something about. I look to getting another job Full time or 30 hours. Perhaps a job in a pub etc on a evening, can be very sociable and fun in the right environment and will top up your wage. Lots of jobs in hospitality which hours will probably suit you dont be afraid to ask around you may be exactly what they are looking for.