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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if someone left your wedding half way through the day because they're unwell ?

156 replies

robbie1999 · 12/09/2021 22:38

This happened to me a couple of weeks back. I was very unwell ( not covid ) and decided to pull myself together to go to a wedding. After the drinks reception, I had to go home as I became too unwell.

I sent my apologies to the bride and groom and parents afterward with flowers. Is that OK ? Would you think I was an idiot ?

OP posts:
PalmarisLongus · 13/09/2021 06:49

@robbie1999

I didn't want to go in the first place, but he really pushed and said- don't worry- we will stay as long as you feel OK to. Then when I indicated I wasn't feeling better, he kept trying to prolong the stay.

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore Sad he is so upset and ashamed. I really don't see why it's such a problem at all. Hence why I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous, because he's so upset about it.

Not all bullies use fists. Not all bullies leave welts and bruises. Not all bullies leave physical traces of their bullying. Some bullies nag. Some bullies emotionally peck. Some bullies leave mental traces of their bullying.

If this type of emotional abuse, and I say abuse and mean abuse, but if this is a regular thing, of its 'just how he is'...
The solution you need is to leave, as soon as you are able.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 13/09/2021 06:50

If he is ashamed because you were I'll then frankly there's something not quite right about him. Has he always been such a self absorbed wanker?

lockdownalli · 13/09/2021 06:59

He's ashamed?

He sounds a bit deranged.

polkadotpixie · 13/09/2021 07:02

My MIL went home early because she wanted to see her dogs, I really wouldn't worry!

Clarice99 · 13/09/2021 07:12

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore sad he is so upset and ashamed. I really don't see why it's such a problem at all. Hence why I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous, because he's so upset about it.

His behaviour is the problem, not the fact that you left the wedding early because you were unwell.

Is he usually this nasty and controlling?

I cannot imagine my DH behaving like this. I didn't go to my MIL's funeral as I was unwell. DH was more worried about leaving me at home alone.

It says a lot that your DH's primary concern when you're unwell is how he feels.

Equimum · 13/09/2021 07:13

Not at all. If it makes you feel any better, the mother of the groom has to leave for the same reason at a wedding we once attended. Illness happens and you were very polite in managing your exit.

Wiredforsound · 13/09/2021 07:16

Your husband is being ridiculous. There’s so much going on at weddings I doubt anyone will have even noticed.

TheGirlCat · 13/09/2021 07:20

Of course not. That you even attended is something. Your husband sounds cold, cruel, lacking compassion and selfish. Embarrassed because his wife, who made a herculean effort to go, was unwell? What a nasty piece of work he is! You should tell him you're ashamed of him. Not much of a caring husband is he?

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 13/09/2021 07:28

You did the right thing.

Your husband’s reaction and behaviour is really bizarre (and a bit scary).

LidlMiddleLover · 13/09/2021 07:31

If you are unwell far better to leave quietly than ruin the day by collapsing at the reception or vomiting on the cake

Annoyedanddissapointed · 13/09/2021 07:34

@robbie1999

I didn't want to go in the first place, but he really pushed and said- don't worry- we will stay as long as you feel OK to. Then when I indicated I wasn't feeling better, he kept trying to prolong the stay.

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore Sad he is so upset and ashamed. I really don't see why it's such a problem at all. Hence why I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous, because he's so upset about it.

You both neeed to pull your heads out of your arses. He needs to stop being whatever the heck that is (agree withh pp about bizzare reaction) and you need to stop tolerating that, let alone going alone with that behaviour.

Also, as pp. You shouldn't go ill anyway at all if there is chance of it being infectious.

FlatStanletta · 13/09/2021 07:37

Of course you weren’t being an idiot to leave. If you had a stomach bug or something infectious then I would argue you shouldn’t have gone in the first place, but certainly it’s fine to leave if you feel really unwell! A wedding is not an endurance event (although sometimes they can feel a bit like that Grin).

FlatStanletta · 13/09/2021 07:37

And your husband is being very strange about it!

HPFA · 13/09/2021 07:38

At my brother's wedding the best man didn't attend the reception because he left after the service to go to a football match.

So I think being ill is a decent excuse!

SmokeyDevil · 13/09/2021 07:41

@Tulips15

You say you were ill before the wedding, if it was an infectious illness, you were selfish to go in the first place.

If non infectious, then No , it wasn't rude of you to leave early & your husband shouldve been supportive.

This. If I was the bride or groom, I'd be especially pissed if you turned up with something infectious. They usually have a honeymoon to go on after the wedding, that would be ruined if you turned up and gave them anything.

Your husband is being an ass though. Could maybe get him being embarrassed that you went if you were infectious for the reasons above, but he kept nagging you to go and just to what, magically feel better? Confused He's a moron.

NapoleonOzmolysis · 13/09/2021 07:43

People that offended me at my wedding: 1. The woman that showed up in jeans and a fleece and 2. BIL and wife who left the ceremony at 7pm to go to their room and never came back, which didn't bother me but but since they never told anyone I spent the entire night being asked "where is BIL" and getting worried, completely unnecessarily. Anyone who left because they were ill? Nah.

Is your DH usually this dramatic?

PaulGallico · 13/09/2021 07:43

If you are unwell, you make your apologies and go home. I think more than ever people feel uncomfortable around poorly people at events so it was the right thing. Did your husband want to stay and party? This is different but I have a son with SN - we usually accept wedding invitations but only stay as long as he can cope in comfort.

chipsandgin · 13/09/2021 07:43

As long as you didn’t stand up as they were saying their vows & dramatically run down the aisle vomiting I think it’s fine! Discreetly leaving after the drinks reception is perfectly understandable & your husband is being a dick.

respecttheforum · 13/09/2021 07:46

@robbie1999 is your husband generally controlling and unkind? His behaviour is awful and ringing big alarm bells for me about how he might treat you.

Beautiful3 · 13/09/2021 07:50

No not at all. I'd think it was nice that you came for most of it, even though you felt unwell. Ignore your husband. You cannot help feeling poorly.

BoredZelda · 13/09/2021 07:53

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore sad he is so upset and ashamed

Then he should have stayed, if it is that important to him. He’s an adult and made the wrong decision. You were quite right to leave. I had a guest ask if I minded if she changed into some leggings and a top as she felt really unwell. Frankly, I thought it was weird she would ask, but just said she should do whatever she felt comfortable with, I wanted my guests to have a good time.

SkinnyMirror · 13/09/2021 07:53

Huge overreaction on your husbands part. He doesn't found very nice.

girlmom21 · 13/09/2021 08:01

Your husband is acting very strangely.

He should have stayed if it was a big deal to him. He needs to grow up and stop using it against you.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 13/09/2021 08:04

I'd feel sorry for you and wish you hadn't struggled to attend in the first place

MyOtherProfile · 13/09/2021 08:04

I would drop the B and G a text saying lovely time at your wedding, really sorry I had to leave early, just felt so unwell. Have a wonderful honeymoon x

If you can send that to a WhatsApp group with B and G and your DH in that's even better. He has no reason to be upset and hopefully the B and G would reply kindly and show they are fine about it.