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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if someone left your wedding half way through the day because they're unwell ?

156 replies

robbie1999 · 12/09/2021 22:38

This happened to me a couple of weeks back. I was very unwell ( not covid ) and decided to pull myself together to go to a wedding. After the drinks reception, I had to go home as I became too unwell.

I sent my apologies to the bride and groom and parents afterward with flowers. Is that OK ? Would you think I was an idiot ?

OP posts:
Wingedharpy · 13/09/2021 00:00

Well, you did better than me OP.
After day reception at the wedding I was at, there was a bit of a lull while Hotel staff cleared the room and set it up ready for evening celebrations to begin.
DH and I were staying at Hotel.
I went up to our room to use loo and make a cup of tea and kill a bit of time.
Just had a little lie down, fully clothed, dropped off to sleep and didn't wake up until next morning!
I was mortified.
Asked DH, why he didn't wake me.
He said " you looked so cosy, I thought I'd leave you in peace. I did consider, at one point, getting in with you and having a snooze too but thought that one of us should show willing"!

We haven't been as close to the married couple since, but they really shouldn't have made me partake of alcohol at lunchtimeBlush

Lilymossflower · 13/09/2021 00:00

Your hubby is the problem here Hmm typical case of putting his ego as a man above your physical health as a woman

Pazuzu · 13/09/2021 00:01

Going home is better than throwing up on the bride.

BathMatToe · 13/09/2021 00:03

Was he annoyed that you went ill then left?
It's not that I agree with him but if I went to a wedding with DH and he said he was unwell halfway through after knowing he wasn't great and we had to leave, I'd probably be irritable thinking he should have stayed home.

I'd be more concerned you turned up infectious to my wedding rather than the leaving. But if it was ibs or period cramp etc then I'd be more than happy you went home to recover.

Hopefully you're feeling better.

MaryBeery · 13/09/2021 00:06

As long as you weren't actually infectious, it's better to discreetly make your excuses and leave, than puke all over the place or keel over dramatically in the middle of the festivities.

MrsMaizel · 13/09/2021 00:17

@PalmarisLongus

I wish id left mine half way through the service, or at least before the "I pronounce you man and wife bit"

I think you're good op. You did more than most by sending flowers and such, I'd have likely just snuck off and forgot it.

😂😂😂😂😂
EccentricaGalumbits · 13/09/2021 00:35

If you had something potentially contagious I'd be really annoyed that you came at all.

RogueV · 13/09/2021 00:41

Flowers are a bit OTT

momiamarichman · 13/09/2021 01:00

@EccentricaGalumbits

If you had something potentially contagious I'd be really annoyed that you came at all.
Same Shock
Mamanyt · 13/09/2021 01:17

You did exactly as you should have done. And your DH needs to get over himself. All that worry about how he looks to others, when I doubt more than two people thought anything at all, and those two only briefly, "Oh, they've gone. Oh, well."

PrincessNutella · 13/09/2021 01:59

Your husband is simply being cruel. You are a human being who did the best she could, but you reached the end of your endurance. What are you supposed to do? You were sick. You could not do more.

gofg · 13/09/2021 02:01

Your husband is horrible. Of course it's okay to leave if you are unwell - you couldn't help that. Please don't give it another thought.

canigooutyet · 13/09/2021 02:23

Does your husband often nag you to do things regardless of your health?

I would be annoyed that someone was forced in some way to attend my party when they aren't well to begin with.

If I was going to judge anyone it would be him. Knowing you were ill beforehand he should have either gone alone or sent his apologies depending on how much support you would have needed at home.

SherlocksSocks · 13/09/2021 02:43

I've been both sides of this, was 8mths gone with DD at a wedding and so very tired early evening, a friend staying at the venue gave me her key so I took myself off for a lie down and came back, stayed for another couple of hours then we went back to our hotel, no one batted an eye and wished me well.

At our wedding though my husbands cousin n his wife disappeared and as he was on crutches I assumed they'd gone home.... nope they'd took themselves off to see Mr's Brown's Boys at the local theatre then came back afterwards. They knew about the wedding before they bought the tickets.
Cousins mother gave them what for when they got back.

Don't be embarrassed, illness is a very valid reason, you need to take care of yourself and forget about what others think, even if its your husband with the problem.

Original poster
robbie1999 · 13/09/2021 02:55

I didn't want to go in the first place, but he really pushed and said- don't worry- we will stay as long as you feel OK to. Then when I indicated I wasn't feeling better, he kept trying to prolong the stay.

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore Sad he is so upset and ashamed. I really don't see why it's such a problem at all. Hence why I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous, because he's so upset about it.

OP posts:
LBirch02 · 13/09/2021 03:00

In answer to your question- no

onelittlefrog · 13/09/2021 04:01

Your husband is the one being an idiot and it sounds like he has a massive and rather fragile ego.

If you're unwell why would he want you to be anywhere other than in a comfy bed recovering?

I wouldn't give it a second thought, it's stupid to push yourself to stay at an event that is meant to be a fun celebration if you're not feeling it.

I wouldn't want miserable poorly guests at my wedding any more than they would want to be there.

BathMatToe · 13/09/2021 04:03

@robbie1999

I didn't want to go in the first place, but he really pushed and said- don't worry- we will stay as long as you feel OK to. Then when I indicated I wasn't feeling better, he kept trying to prolong the stay.

Now we can't even talk about the wedding anymore Sad he is so upset and ashamed. I really don't see why it's such a problem at all. Hence why I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous, because he's so upset about it.

Well he's a total idiot then. He said to go knowing you were unwell. Then complains when you do what he said you could, and leave. He's embarrassed. Does he think you were exaggerating your illness or is he ashamed of you in general.

What spoilt brats these men are.

baceBen · 13/09/2021 04:10

Ahh, you poor thing. You can't help being ill. I can't imagine the bride and groom would be cross with you for a second. Surely you were invited because they like you and care about you. I'd hate to think a guest at my wedding was sitting there feeling ill and wanting to be elsewhere. I'd much rather them be comfortable and resting.

VienneseWhirligig · 13/09/2021 04:23

We left DSS's wedding earlier than everyone else, DH was terminally ill and having chemo the next day, and was completely exhausted. DSS and DIL were fine with it, and said they would rather have had him there for some time than no time at all. It wasn't his fault he was unwell, and they understood that. Your DH is worrying unnecessarily.

Mothership4two · 13/09/2021 04:27

Yes he is being ridiculous and massively unfair.

We left a family wedding straight after the ceremony because dh was ill (not contagious). He'd tried to pull himself together to go in the first place but realised he couldn't cope any longer. We apologised but the couple (and rest of family) were fine about it, just felt sorry for him and that we were going to miss their reception.

Shoxfordian · 13/09/2021 06:13

Does he always push you to do things when you don’t want to or aren’t well enough? He probably just wanted to stay drinking and is annoyed he couldn’t but he’s acting like a total knob

londonrach · 13/09/2021 06:26

Of course not. My sister left my wedding before the meal. She discharged herself from hospital against doctor advice to come to the wedding...I didn't expect her due to what happened....due to severe blood loss my bil refused to take her to the meal and took her to my parents home and called someone to see her....she was still in bed white as a sheet at the next day party which was hold at my parents house and upset she missed the meal but her health other thing that mattered. Various family members popped up to say hi as she physical couldn't walk down the stairs. Luckily she ok now. Just bad timing and honestly doesn't matter long term. If your unwell leaving best for you and anyone under stand. Hope better now x

PocketPeanuts · 13/09/2021 06:44

The one who looks bad here is your arsehole of a husband.

HeartShapedBalloon · 13/09/2021 06:47

Your husband is being a dick. I had a friend leave my wedding early....straight after the food. She wasn't well. Sounds awful I know but I was so busy with everything going on and doing the rounds of everyone there etc that I didn't notice until she phoned me to apologise the next day! Blush

Unless you and your husband were the only 2 guests there I doubt it made any difference to the bride and grooms day.