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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if someone left your wedding half way through the day because they're unwell ?

156 replies

robbie1999 · 12/09/2021 22:38

This happened to me a couple of weeks back. I was very unwell ( not covid ) and decided to pull myself together to go to a wedding. After the drinks reception, I had to go home as I became too unwell.

I sent my apologies to the bride and groom and parents afterward with flowers. Is that OK ? Would you think I was an idiot ?

OP posts:
sylbunny · 12/09/2021 23:03

Of course not! We've just been to a wedding yesterday and my husband wasn't feeling well. He went to bed early with my youngest and I stayed up with the older child. Nobody even asked! Your husband needs to remember he's not the most important person at the wedding!

Original poster
robbie1999 · 12/09/2021 23:05

@sylbunny

Of course not! We've just been to a wedding yesterday and my husband wasn't feeling well. He went to bed early with my youngest and I stayed up with the older child. Nobody even asked! Your husband needs to remember he's not the most important person at the wedding!
I did keep telling him to stay. But he didn't want to let me go home alone.
OP posts:
Gardenlass · 12/09/2021 23:05

The OP said she was unwell, she didn't say she had an infectious disease.

Pinkchocolate · 12/09/2021 23:07

I think flowers is so sweet but so unnecessary. You were unwell so you left, your DH is being ridiculous. In the nicest possible way, unless you are incredibly close to the couple, once you’d left they probably didn’t give it much thought other than to hope you’re ok.

Original poster
robbie1999 · 12/09/2021 23:10

@Pinkchocolate

I think flowers is so sweet but so unnecessary. You were unwell so you left, your DH is being ridiculous. In the nicest possible way, unless you are incredibly close to the couple, once you’d left they probably didn’t give it much thought other than to hope you’re ok.
That's what I thought ! My only brother left me wedding during the meal and never returned. I just had to deal with it. I was a bit sad, but that's my brother !
OP posts:
PalmarisLongus · 12/09/2021 23:13

Your DH is a Bellend.

That's not a word i use often, but in this case, he's worth it.

He's putting other people's opinions of his wife before his wife... Yeah, no, i wouldn't like that, he'd not be my husband long if that were a regular occurrence to be honest.

Parkmama · 12/09/2021 23:15

Not at all, I left a wedding half way through as I was fine one minute and violently vomiting the next, it wasn't alcohol or food poisoning, I just had a big. I couldn't stay, I just had to leave, luckily my husband was sober and able to drive me home. Bride and Groom had a marvellous time and didn't even notice I had slipped away, I'm not offended by that, I just know they were busy enjoying their special day. I sent my sincere apologies the next day. Nobody wants a very unwell guest at their wedding!

LawnFever · 12/09/2021 23:18

Your DH is an idiot, you can’t help being ill.

Kindlethefourth · 12/09/2021 23:20

We had one guest leave as she was in the hotel with her husband who didn't attend at all as he had D&V and uncle of DH who didn't make reception due to issues with colostomy bag. Haven't ever given it a second thought until now. I remember the complete no shows to the evening do as being rude 21 years after the event but all I felt about the unwell guests was that I hoped they were ok. I had to miss a lot of DS's reception as had a secondary chest infection at 7 months pregnant. I don't think anyone noticed I had gone

Bagelsandbrie · 12/09/2021 23:20

Your dh is an idiot. People can’t help being unwell!

Kindlethefourth · 12/09/2021 23:22

Dsis not DS! Now that would have been an age gap!

NiceGerbil · 12/09/2021 23:24

What you did was sensible and perfectly fine and no one in their right mind would be pissed off.

You say you said to DH to stay so presumably you didn't have to drive home 200 miles after or something.

He is being a complete arse. He could have stayed. Why the hell not? It's his own fault he left. Not yours.

hellywelly3 · 12/09/2021 23:25

I had to leave my sisters wedding and I was a bridesmaid. I was very unwell (I think food poisoning) I passed out having wedding photos taken. If you’re ill you’re ill nothing you can do about it

ColorMagicBarbie · 12/09/2021 23:26

I'd think it was admirable you tried.

Carpedimum · 12/09/2021 23:29

Crikey @robbie1999 not at all! I had to leave a wedding reception once, I was absolutely fine in the day but during the evening I had sudden, horrific diarrhoea. It was extremely unpleasant and obvious that I was dashing off, not the sort of thing you want happening in communal loos. I was at the stage where I was sweaty, anxious & just needed to be at home, so I left. My then DH was snarky about it, he thought I just wasn’t enjoying myself, and I left him there. He later realised I wasn’t faking & apologised.
I really don’t think that you need to apologise for being ill, you made the effort to go after all.

RVN123 · 12/09/2021 23:30

It would have been much more embarrassing if you had tried to power through and ended up being violently sick all over the bride or something! Far more dignified to slip out quietly and probably unnoticed if you were not in the main bridal party.
I'm sure they don't care in the nicest possible way.

HaveringWavering · 12/09/2021 23:41

My cousin left my wedding in an anbulance!

Wine plus six inch heels plus more wine plus ceilidh...

Tulips15 · 12/09/2021 23:44

You say you were ill before the wedding, if it was an infectious illness, you were selfish to go in the first place.

If non infectious, then No , it wasn't rude of you to leave early & your husband shouldve been supportive.

me4real · 12/09/2021 23:46

Your husband is a twat @robbie1999 , expecting you to carry on through something when you really couldn't, you were feeling so poorly.

It makes me think if there are other things he tries to push you to do when you don't feel able to, or if he often objects if you happen to be ill (as if you can help it, when you can't.)

I had a health condition which means I had to lie down for a short time each day. My then boyfriend pronounced this boring of me (when I couldn't help it or do anything else) and one time even stormed off out of the house because I had the gall to be lying down when I had to.

He expected me to entertain him at all times. What a bellend.

Driftingblue · 12/09/2021 23:47

I got food poisoning the afternoon before a wedding once. I missed the night before the wedding and all the friends are in town festivities and XH was mortified. I barely managed to drag myself off the tile floor to make it to the wedding the next day and he was upset I wasn’t festive enough. He said it made us look bad.

Note that he is my xh.

flumpo · 12/09/2021 23:48

Gosh no - I wouldn't be in the least offended.

WTF475878237NC · 12/09/2021 23:51

I'd be annoyed if you came with a bug people could catch but something like the signs of a migraine etc no. I'd think it very nice of you to try and to come for the ceremony. If your being unwell caused your husband to have to leave and this negatively impacted the wedding ie he was best man I might think it a shame but wouldn't blame you at all.

TheFairyCaravan · 12/09/2021 23:54

I left my sister’s wedding early because I had a horrendous migraine. I’d done the ceremony and the meal but I couldn’t tolerate the flashing disco lights. It was the perfect excuse really because we overheard a conversation between her and my mum that was less than pleasant about me and my children, which wasn’t unusual, so I thought fuck it and went back to our hotel.

If you’re ill, you’re ill. There’s nothing that can be done,

Porridgealert · 12/09/2021 23:56

If I were the bride or groom, I'd have been very touched that, despite being ill, you'd made the effort to go at all.

ikeepseeingit · 12/09/2021 23:58

My nan left my wedding after the meal last week because she was tired! No offence taken we all need to look after ourselves. I'd much rather know she was well.

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