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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
dunkaccino · 11/09/2021 23:00

'Independent' and 'confident' can be used to put a positive spin on badly behaved children with no concept of appropriate behaviour. Next time she decides 'no' to your request lets just hope it's not crossing the road to get to the park.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2021 23:00

My child would have been gotten hold of by the arm the second they tried to open the stall door with a loud "Don't you dare!!".

If they had gotten away from me I would have followed immediately, even if I was tugging up my clothes en route. They would have gotten a stern talking to and we would have gone straight home!

Adam Walsh's mum left him for just a few minutes, too.

JustLyra · 11/09/2021 23:00

@DoormatBob

Honestly not a troll, reverse or anything else. Posted as I obviously didn't feel comfortable with what happened and its playing on my mind a bit.

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park).

She was over excited, we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

She’s three.

You need to find some authority.

Please tell me you took her straight home for her behaviour and didn’t just ignore it?

FOJN · 11/09/2021 23:02

we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

That's normal for a 3 year old but you don't just let them do what they want.

It's difficult to tell from your posts whether you are minimising the seriousness of the situation to sooth your own anxiety or you really don't understand how dangerous it was.

Flowers500 · 11/09/2021 23:03

An “independent” three year old is a road fatality waiting to happen.

NoWordForFluffy · 11/09/2021 23:03

Please tell me you took her straight home for her behaviour and didn’t just ignore it?

The OP appears to be ignoring this question.

PurpleOkapi · 11/09/2021 23:03

I'd never have left a three-year-old outside the stall I was using, so none of the rest would have happened. If she'd somehow squirmed away, she'd have been punished on the level of playing with the stove or running into traffic, because this is an equivalent safety issue.

WetWeekends · 11/09/2021 23:03

This news story happened near me earlier this week, no way would I leave a 3 year old…

“A boy has been arrested after another boy was sexually assaulted in a park.
The child was playing near Halton Community Centre in Low Road, Lancashire, when he was approached and then attacked in nearby woodland at about 17:30 BST on Tuesday.
The boy has been arrested on suspicion of sex offences and remains in custody.”

wombforanotherone · 11/09/2021 23:04

Ignore the posters saying you should punish her for running off. There's no need. Her brain told her she wanted to play, that's all. All you need to do is not allow her to run off. You are the parent and you keep her safe, and teach her what to do by showing her not telling her. No matter what her 3 year old brain tells her to do (which obviously will not be sensible or reasoned most of the time because it is a baby brain but this doesn't mean she is "naughty"). Simples.

Mummy7777 · 11/09/2021 23:06

No way. Absolutely no way.

TartanJumper · 11/09/2021 23:07

@wombforanotherone

Ignore the posters saying you should punish her for running off. There's no need. Her brain told her she wanted to play, that's all. All you need to do is not allow her to run off. You are the parent and you keep her safe, and teach her what to do by showing her not telling her. No matter what her 3 year old brain tells her to do (which obviously will not be sensible or reasoned most of the time because it is a baby brain but this doesn't mean she is "naughty"). Simples.
It's not about "punishment", it's about learning to listen and not run off. A natural consequence to not listening and/or running off is that she doesn't get to do the fun thing unless she listens to mummy and doesn't run off. Of course OP should try to stop her running off in the first place, but in the event she does- natural consequence is to terminate the activity.
Generalpost · 11/09/2021 23:08

There's no way I would ever do that when I'm out both my 5 and 6 year old come in the cubical with Me.

JustLyra · 11/09/2021 23:09

@wombforanotherone

Ignore the posters saying you should punish her for running off. There's no need. Her brain told her she wanted to play, that's all. All you need to do is not allow her to run off. You are the parent and you keep her safe, and teach her what to do by showing her not telling her. No matter what her 3 year old brain tells her to do (which obviously will not be sensible or reasoned most of the time because it is a baby brain but this doesn't mean she is "naughty"). Simples.
Almost 4 is absolutely old enough to face a natural consequence for ignoring her mother and putting herself in danger.
WetWeekends · 11/09/2021 23:09

I agree it would be fairly pointless to punish her for it. They don’t really get the concept of punishments like that at her age in my experience. I would definitely have followed her though and spoken very sternly to her saying that it was dangerous and she must always do as Mummy says. Also you can’t be sure she wouldn’t wander off, they can always surprise you at that age! She could’ve seen a friend or an ice cream van etc that made her leave the play area.

DancingQueen85 · 11/09/2021 23:09

You shouldn't have done it but people's reactions on this thread are totally ott. Particularly the person who suggested that they would have called the police on you!
It's difficult to comment without knowing the park and the area it's in.

NortieTortie · 11/09/2021 23:10

YADBU. Mine are 4 and almost 6 and I would lock them in the cubicle with me.

I'm a massive helicopter parent in the park, especially after that woman slit Emily Jones' (aged 7) throat as she was scooting to her mother last year. Not a chance in hell I'll leave my childrens' side.

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2021 23:12

@wombforanotherone

Ignore the posters saying you should punish her for running off. There's no need. Her brain told her she wanted to play, that's all. All you need to do is not allow her to run off. You are the parent and you keep her safe, and teach her what to do by showing her not telling her. No matter what her 3 year old brain tells her to do (which obviously will not be sensible or reasoned most of the time because it is a baby brain but this doesn't mean she is "naughty"). Simples.
And your post is just as worrying as the OP's.

Ignore posters who say the child should be punished for running off?

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away!

That ^^ is punishable all day long in my book and imo anyone who wouldn't give that child a consequence, shouldn't be in charge of small children.

Yes the OP was negligent for letting it happen, but the child doesn't get to dictate to the adult in charge or what's the point in having a parent with her at all?

TartanJumper · 11/09/2021 23:13

It's difficult to comment without knowing the park and the area it's in

It's not really, though.
The mum was in the toilet building. The child was unattended in a park. There's really no way that it's safe or reasonable to let the child run off to play while the mum finishes up in the loo. Forget the slim (but still present) chance of abductions etc - what if she'd walked in front of someone on a swing, or fell off the slide and broken her arm in those few minutes?

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2021 23:15

@WetWeekends

I agree it would be fairly pointless to punish her for it. They don’t really get the concept of punishments like that at her age in my experience. I would definitely have followed her though and spoken very sternly to her saying that it was dangerous and she must always do as Mummy says. Also you can’t be sure she wouldn’t wander off, they can always surprise you at that age! She could’ve seen a friend or an ice cream van etc that made her leave the play area.
Of course they get the concept at that age.

And they get it a lot faster if the adult in charge of them is actually in charge.

"Why are we going straight home Daddy?"

"Because you refused to listen to me and you ran off".

What's not to understand?

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 11/09/2021 23:16

You already know this is a terrible idea so I won’t add to that. What I will say is in future, take her into the cubicle with you but you go first while she waits so she won’t be able to leg it as she’ll still need to go.

Itsmeagainandagain · 11/09/2021 23:16

Im not having a go at you as i dont believe in perfect parents. You know yourself the answer to that. To much badness in the world and im sure you wont do it again

PurpleOkapi · 11/09/2021 23:18

@wombforanotherone

Ignore the posters saying you should punish her for running off. There's no need. Her brain told her she wanted to play, that's all. All you need to do is not allow her to run off. You are the parent and you keep her safe, and teach her what to do by showing her not telling her. No matter what her 3 year old brain tells her to do (which obviously will not be sensible or reasoned most of the time because it is a baby brain but this doesn't mean she is "naughty"). Simples.
I agree that OP should have tried harder to stop her from running off in this situation, but I don't think this should be generalized to all situations where a small child runs off. They can be slippery, and I don't think it's reasonable to write off all 'escapes' as the parent's fault for failing to keep a physical hold on the child, and thus not proper to punish. All you're doing there is teaching the child that if she can manage to slip away, she'll be rewarded by getting to do whatever it was the parent was trying to stop her from doing. So why wouldn't she try to escape every time? And if she does, she's bound to be successful occasionally. What if she was trying to chase a ball into the street or play with something dangerous? A three-year-old won't understand why those things are different from running to the slide on a playground, because they can't understand those dangers. But three is old enough to understand what "No" means, and to have consequences for ignoring it.
Thesearmsofmine · 11/09/2021 23:19

@WetWeekends

I agree it would be fairly pointless to punish her for it. They don’t really get the concept of punishments like that at her age in my experience. I would definitely have followed her though and spoken very sternly to her saying that it was dangerous and she must always do as Mummy says. Also you can’t be sure she wouldn’t wander off, they can always surprise you at that age! She could’ve seen a friend or an ice cream van etc that made her leave the play area.
An almost 4 year old can absolutely understand consequences as long as they are immediate and explained clearly.
minionsrule · 11/09/2021 23:24

A 3 year old should NEVER be in charge of a situation.
You should have kept her in the cubicle till you were both done

MrsWhites · 11/09/2021 23:25

@DoormatBob

Honestly not a troll, reverse or anything else. Posted as I obviously didn't feel comfortable with what happened and its playing on my mind a bit.

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park).

She was over excited, we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

Don’t want to pile on what others have said as you obviously realise it wasn’t an ideal thing to do.

Thing is, If you don’t start laying down some boundaries she is going to think more and more that she doesn’t need to listen to Mummy because there are no consequences.