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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 11/09/2021 23:32

I don't know if this has already been said but if she's got form for running off, why isn't she on reins?

Seldon · 11/09/2021 23:34

Proof that some people should not be allowed to procreate

Rein it in a little please

Yaya26 · 11/09/2021 23:35

Sorry. Think of Jamie Bulgers poor Mum. It only takes a few secs. Your darters 3. She has no idea of evil/danger.

FuckPilledLatteplus · 11/09/2021 23:39

Honestly not a troll

Me think the doormatbob doth protest too much

FuckPilledLatteplus · 11/09/2021 23:41

Proof that some people should not be allowed to procreate

This Escalated to eugenics quickly

Moonbabysmum · 11/09/2021 23:41

I wouldn't have give back for my wee, like everyone else, and i think it would be a dangerous thing to do, but ..

I have a child that's slightly older (4), and as we've been unlocking, I've found it difficult at times to work out what boundaries are right now. I had a 2yo, and then Covid hit, and I have a 4yo, who in have barely been out in public with (with other people around). There's also less opportunity to spend time with other parents, and it's hard working out what's too strict and what's too lax.

I've been recently letting my 4yo often use the cubicle next to me (on the understanding it's not locked, and only if it's a quiet/small set of loos). We chat throughout, and I've zero concerns of her running off, but compared to people on here, perhaps I've been too relaxed. But if I'm honest, i have no idea what other parents of 4yo do, because i haven't been spending time with any.

So I get that your boundaries barometer might be a bit off, and I'm not going to judge you on that, however much of a daft decision i think it was.

What I'm more concerned about is your lack of authority with your child. They shouldn't think that ignoring you like that is a possibility. If you say stop in public, or stay here, they need to. They don't just get to ignore you like that.

Mickarooni · 11/09/2021 23:46

The comments about ‘punishing’ are interesting. I don’t see this as a punishment, I call it consequences. It’s not because I’m spiteful or get a kick out of ruining their fun but this was dangerous! Even at that age, they need to learn that reckless actions - like running off - have consequences. In this case, it might be them being removed from the activity or being given a stern talk or whatever. I believe in pick your battles with parenting but when they do something that could put them at risk of harm, I feel I must respond in a way to help them understand that it’s not ok to do that.

avamiah · 11/09/2021 23:46

@Yaya26

Sorry. Think of Jamie Bulgers poor Mum. It only takes a few secs. Your darters 3. She has no idea of evil/danger.
Totally Agree with you and i was just about to post the same. I’m from Liverpool and let me tell you his mum only took her eyes off him for less than a minute when he was abducted by 2 school kids and as we all know the rest is UNSPEAKABLE.

So OP count yourself lucky you still have your child and Never do that again.

lyntheyresexpeople · 11/09/2021 23:48

Absolutely bloody not. Anyone could have taken her. That's an incredibly dangerous situation, and one id take her straight home for! She needs to know that's unacceptable and dangerous. Honestly op, I don't think you are aware of how awful this could have been. Not having an authoritative tone is a frankly shit excuse.

whynotwhatknot · 11/09/2021 23:49

youre one of them wishy washy parents

dont do that petal theres a love

get some fucking authority over your child ffs

Staryflight445 · 11/09/2021 23:49

I feel the same as you @Mickarooni

Safety is non negotiable, if my kids refused to co operate I’d have to withdraw them from the situation entirely, until understood.

HamCob · 11/09/2021 23:50

No way!
And for what it's worth my children would have had a proper b*locking for that sort of behaviour. You shouldn't be just letting her run off without consequences!

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 11/09/2021 23:51

From your username, I'm guessing you are a man?

Do men really struggle to hold their pee in that much?!

How does a 3 year old even reach the toilet cubicle lock?

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 11/09/2021 23:51

Nope. My kids were always in the cubicle with me at that age. If one of them had tried this with me, I'd have gone and got them and told them they stayed put or we would be going straight home. And I'd have meant it.

cookingisoverrated · 11/09/2021 23:56

Nope.

The big parks with toilets also have water features (pools, river) next to them. No way would I leave a 3 year old unsupervised near them.

WetWeekends · 11/09/2021 23:56

PP is right I worded that badly, they do get the concept, I don’t think it alters their behaviour for next time though, until they’re a little bit older. I think one off punishments like that don’t have an affect at that age. I think repetition that they need to do as they’re told generally does though.

momofasweetboy2018 · 12/09/2021 00:02

No way 😳

faithfulbird20 · 12/09/2021 00:03

No no no no don't ever leave a child alone anywhere. No matter how old she is or if she knows the place just don't do it. Would you leave a gold necklace out in the park whilst u nipped to the loo for a minute? No? Then don't ever leave a child.

Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 00:04

Thanks to all who have replied, certainly made me think.

Not much I can add without it sounding like a justification which it isn't, I felt physically sick for those 2 minutes and the moments up to spotting her again. The replies here show I was right to feel so sick and it should never have happened.

Thinking back how it went I was actually very weak with her as I didn't want to shout and raise any awareness of the fact she was going off unattended but that just reinforces knowing inside it wasn't good.

OP posts:
bluetongue · 12/09/2021 00:06

Chances of her being taken are tiny but 3 year olds have zero road sense. What’s to stop her wandering onto a road?

Mamanyt · 12/09/2021 00:06

It takes less time than that for a predator to take a child and be gone.

FuckPilledLatteplus · 12/09/2021 00:07

Thinking back how it went I was actually very weak with her as I didn't want to shout and raise any awareness of the fact she was going off unattended but that just reinforces knowing inside it wasn't good

Do you want some dressing for that word salad?

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/09/2021 00:09

Are you mad?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 00:10

I wasn't concerned she would be anywhere other than where she said, she would not have left the play area.
Oh, come off it, she's three! She left the bloody toilet as soon as the mood took her.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2021 00:11

@DoormatBob

Thanks to all who have replied, certainly made me think.

Not much I can add without it sounding like a justification which it isn't, I felt physically sick for those 2 minutes and the moments up to spotting her again. The replies here show I was right to feel so sick and it should never have happened.

Thinking back how it went I was actually very weak with her as I didn't want to shout and raise any awareness of the fact she was going off unattended but that just reinforces knowing inside it wasn't good.

The question is, why are you deliberately ignoring all the posters asking what consequence/punishment you gave her for disobeying you and running off?