To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

[DoormatBob]

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

Nope, she'd have been in the cubicle with me and not left until we'd both been to the loo. A 3 year old doesn't get to dictate like that and it's irresponsible to let her.

The concern here (for me anyway) is that you have a child who thinks it's absolutely fine to ignore your instructions, and just do whatever she pleases

Me too. “I told her to wait but she said no and was off” - Jesus christ OP, grow a backbone and discipline your child.

I've taken my children into the same cubicle countless times when they were young and if they even touched the door lock, they'd get a firm NO!!!
Why on earth did you allow her to open it and run off?
She'd have been marched straight home for disobeying me if she was mine.

No I wouldn’t have done it. Independence and confidence wouldn’t save her if she was snatched.

So she was in the cubicle with you already. Good.

I remember: using the loo with one leg stuck out horizontally to prevent a child from opening the door.

Using toddler reins.

Warning child that we would go straight home and no more swing/slide if he didn't wait.

Physically holding a child on my lap while weeing (tricky but possible).

It's done now but it doesn't ever need to happen again.

I had to come back to this thread.
She's THREE.
A three year old has no danger perception. Anything could have happened- walked in front of a swing, fell off the slide, wandered off to look at something interesting... to the much more unlikely but much more devastating scenarios of being lured away, leaving the park...
I really hope this isn't real actually.

No my ds2 is 3 years old and he always comes into the cubicle with me when I need to go. I am happy to sit on a bench in the playground while he goes to play but he is always in my sight.

Not at 3 no, no way! She's 3!

I’m not authoritative but you have to find your parental voice that can’t be ignored. She waits, washes her hands, walks out with you and every bit of that is non-negotiable. Being over excited has nothing to do with it. Three year olds don’t have empathy but they can learn routine.

@DoormatBob

Honestly not a troll, reverse or anything else. Posted as I obviously didn't feel comfortable with what happened and its playing on my mind a bit.

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park).

She was over excited, we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

But she heard you, back chatted you and then did whatever she pleased.

You might not ever be a manager, but you are a parent.

What was her consequence/punishment OP?

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park)

But while you were using the toilet she could have doubled back?
I don't want to join a pile on or make you feel bad. But forget work. This is your three year old daughter and you need to make her listen to you for her own safety.

@DoormatBob

Honestly not a troll, reverse or anything else. Posted as I obviously didn't feel comfortable with what happened and its playing on my mind a bit.

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park).

She was over excited, we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

But it is your job to teach her what is and isn’t appropriate.

What consequence has she had for just running off and ignoring you? Because right now she is 3. This is the easy bit. What is she going to have learnt is acceptable by the time she is a teenager?

Look. Parenting is about learning. None of us get it right all the time and we need to adapt and refine as we go along. But you can either keep making excuses and say oh well it was fine this time, or you can learn from it and do better by your dd next time.

Ok now you know. You are supposed to be in charge and you’ll have hell if you don’t buck up your ideas. Especially when the teen years hit.

JESUS I would have called the fucking police if I saw that. You’re incredibly lucky that nobody intervened and took you to task.

And TERRIBLE parenting, that should have been a memorable bollocking. To call a child that age “independent” is another way of calling yourself negligent. Absolutely shocking that you taught her to just run off when she wants. So next time unsure crossing a road, she’ll think she can run across. Next time she’ll think she can get out of the car early. Next time she’ll be out the front door. Next time she sees a cute bulldog she’ll be over there in seconds. Horrendous and this should have been a major bloody lesson for her.

I would have told her off and probably taken her home at that age- if she's nearly 4 she should know not to run off. Could you really not grab her when she undid the door?

I have a park right across the road from my house, in a really quiet estate with no passing traffic or people. There is no way I’d have left my kid there to go back to use the loo.

Also agree with those who’d have lifted her and taken her home for that behaviour.

You sound so apathetic. I'm baffled.

we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

Which, as a parent you are supposed to teach her.

Would never be a manager.
But you ARE a parent.

Would you leave a £50 note in the park while you nipped to the toilet and trust that no one would take it?

Then don't leave your child

So, your parenting is dependent on your pelvic floor?
That's not going to end well for either of you.

No bloody way.

You need to find your parent voice and use it, or you risk putting your child in danger. There are lots of parents that wouldn’t make a manager but still no how to control their child. If you can’t stop her running off use reins, you’ll do her a disservice allowing her to ignore you, only you (and her dad) can raise her to be a good listener.

I had a 3 year old who was a “runner”. She had rucksack reins for the situation you’ve described. If she has no sense to stay with you, she has no sense not to go off with a stranger. She’s 3, far too young to be out of your sight for a second.

No way I'd have done it. Also it sounds like you don't have much control over your three year old!

YABU! I have a child the same age, I will occasionally pop to the loo in an enclosed and safe space without him (ie soft play / at playgroup) where there are gates and I know the staff / workers / other Mums. Absolutely not at a public park though!!