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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/09/2021 22:36

No he would have been in the cubical with me at that age.

HonoreDeBallsache · 11/09/2021 22:36

@WorraLiberty

By straight back out the park gates, I mean I would've taken her straight home for her disobedience.
I wouldn't, as the other DD is then punished too.

However, I wouldn't have let her leave the cubicle. If she did, I would probably have made her sit on the bench with me for a certain number of minutes, while her sister went off to play.

Wineandroses3 · 11/09/2021 22:37

I was only just behind him so I was close enough to grab scream and grab him back, there wasn’t any cars coming so maybe that is why he felt it was safe to cross but that wasn’t the point, he knew the rule to stop at every road and we crossed it together. It’s actually made me feel sick all over again thinking about it. But it also made me reflect on my driving too and how out of the blue something can happen, I never break the speed limit, I do 20mph in a 20 zone and 30 in a 30 zone - it’s just never worth the risk.

Seesawmummadaw · 11/09/2021 22:37

She doesn’t go again

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 11/09/2021 22:37

WTAF OP?!

SoftSheen · 11/09/2021 22:38

You need to get her some reins until you are able to gain better control of her. Otherwise, it is only a matter of time before an accident happens.

hiredandsqueak · 11/09/2021 22:39

Mine wouldn't have been allowed to set foot on the park for running off tbh. I can't believe that in effect you rewarded her disobedience alongside taking a pretty big risk. After all if she can't be trusted to stay put when you are actually no more than a couple of feet away how can you trust her to stay put when she is unsupervised?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 11/09/2021 22:39

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away!

Erm your daughter is 3, not 30. You're in charge, not her.

TableFlowerss · 11/09/2021 22:39

Absolutely no way would I let a 3 year old be by themselves. End of. I would have told her she was coming with me, and she’d have been placed under my arm kicking and screaming if need be.

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2021 22:40

@HonoreDeBallsache what other DD?

seriouslyenoughalready · 11/09/2021 22:41

In the nicest possible way, YABVU. She’s three. You are the adult . Just because she says she won’t wait, does not mean that id acceptable .
Show her some boundaries and that you can keep her safe now, so that she trusts
You in the future

Dixiechickonhols · 11/09/2021 22:41

Saw your update. She ran off and you just let her. Surely you said stay here now x in your Mum voice. When she ran off why didn’t you follow her?? What did you do when you got to park. Stern talking to and immediately home no park would have been appropriate sanction. Hopefully next time she says no and runs off she won’t be near a road.

Mountainash · 11/09/2021 22:41

Reading the OP, immediately sparked off my anxiety. I can’t stop thinking about what could have happened. I get stressed if our 11yr old needs the toilet when we are out. I hover at the entrance to the Gents and after two minutes I shout to him to ask if he is ok.
IMO age three should still be wearing reins. I don’t care what issues people have with reins. The child’s safety is more important.

EmeraldShamrock · 11/09/2021 22:42

She needs to listen to her guardian.
I'd bring her home for not listening.
If she's ruling the roost at 3 you need to challenge her.

coconutpie · 11/09/2021 22:42

@DoormatBob

That's unanimous!

She was in the cubicle with me but she went first then opened the door and went out, I followed but had to go back, I can't really hold to be honest.

Asking as I hated it and knew it wasn't right but unsure how bad it was.

I wasn't concerned she would be anywhere other than where she said, she would not have left the play area. The concerns are general safety (hurting herself) or the more sinister.

You can't really hold? That's your excuse? I know this must be hard to hear but you were negligent today.

Holding should have been the least of your problems. Even if you had ended up wetting yourself in order to chase after your DD and ensuring your DD was safe, that would have been better than just turning around and going back into the cubicle without her.

There's no way an almost 4yo should be left unsupervised in a public place. And you should have left the park immediately as punishment for running off.

lannistunut · 11/09/2021 22:42

Yeah, you need to not do this again. You tell her if she doesn't wait for, you will go straight home I think - and mean it?

TartanJumper · 11/09/2021 22:43

[quote WorraLiberty]@HonoreDeBallsache what other DD?[/quote]
This bit wasn't clear on first read:
When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for m I had to read it twice to understand only one DD involved.

KingofQueens · 11/09/2021 22:43

Bloody hell - of course that's unreasonable. My 7 year old is very slight and easily liftable - I wouldn't let in a playground whilst I was out of sight.
She asked to go to look at the toys on her own whilst we were in the supermarket today - I didn't let her.

Gazelda · 11/09/2021 22:43

So how has she learned the lesson not to disobey you OP?
What's to stop her doing it next time?
Or seeing how far she can get away?

Pallisers · 11/09/2021 22:44

I can understand how you couldn't hold it. It must have been fairly terrifying while she was out of your sight.

I would have gone out as quickly as I could, picked her up and told her we were going home right now this minute because she behaved appallingly . I'd have been really really cross.

Because if you weren't she is going to do the same the next time. She thinks she is running the show here.

ProfSprout · 11/09/2021 22:44

No way at 3! I had a very ‘independent & confident’ 3yo but that just meant I had to be completely on it all the time, and absolutely consistent with no means no.

If that had been my dd we would have gone straight home, no playing in the park ie rewarding her. It’s rubbish because you end up feeling like you’re punishing yourself as well, especially when it’s something social, meeting up with friends etc BUT it is so important to establish consistent, secure boundaries with your child. It makes them happier too. And please be clear I’m not talking about draconian punishments here but natural consequences for actions.

SmokeyDevil · 11/09/2021 22:44

@WorraLiberty

By straight back out the park gates, I mean I would've taken her straight home for her disobedience.
Yeah I was wondering who the parent was in this. Hmm Clearly not op.
confettiballoons · 11/09/2021 22:45

Jesus no. And I’m pretty lax.

Original poster
DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 22:46

Honestly not a troll, reverse or anything else. Posted as I obviously didn't feel comfortable with what happened and its playing on my mind a bit.

Not trying to justify anything but honestly had no concerns she would go off anywhere else, there is one gate in/out, toilets by the gate she was heading to the opposite end. A long way from any road (set within a country park).

She was over excited, we had just arrived and she doesn't always appreciate other people have to do things too.

I am not an authoritive speaker and I see that with her reactions to me sometimes. I have a senior position at work but sometimes say things in meetings and no one hears. Would never be a manager.

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 11/09/2021 22:47

The reason you’re asking is because you feel bad about it. She’s ok thankfully but it’s obviously made you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure you’ll be better prepared next time.