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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 11:27

To the poster who said I was one of those men who ignores the kids and stares at their phone, absolutely not. I rarely use my phone in front of DD in the house, we interact even if it is about what's happening in Paw Patrol. DW is the phone users and I'm sure I've posted on other threads how much I hate it.

In fact at the kind of place we were yesterday I actually see more men than women engaged with their kids. You could analyse why that might be but that's a different post.

OP posts:
OrganicBagel · 12/09/2021 11:31

A child at our local park tripped on a wooden post and landed on his front teeth. Lots of blood and teeth knocked out. Took a second to happen, and that was with the parents watching! His parents were right there and able to comfort him. You can't always stop bad things happening even if you aren't off in the loo at the time, but being present in the event of a fall or other injury is kind of important to your child.
Another very small child (maybe not yet 2) ran into the path of a swing and got hit quite hard on the head. The mother, who had been on her phone, came running over to yell at the boy on the swing as if it had been his fault!
You absolutely need to keep your eyes on your 3-year-old.

Comedycook · 12/09/2021 11:32

at the kind of place we were yesterday I actually see more men than women engaged with their kids

Probably because for a lot of men (not talking about you necessarily) they don't actually spend much time with their kids so when they do, perhaps they're more involved in that moment. I would imagine if they were doing 95% of childcare they wouldn't be so engrossed in every moment.

But I digress

Look, it's done. She's fine...you were lucky. Sometimes this logistical stuff with small kids is really tricky. We all just have to learn and think about how next time we could handle it better

babybythesea · 12/09/2021 11:35

@Macncheeseballs

Babybythesea, I would absolutely not expect it to happen in a nursery setting as there would be multiple carers, not the same scenario at all.
Multiple carers, but the children still outnumber the carers. If I am with a group of 3 children and one goes, what do I do with the other two while I run to get the first? It’s not the same scenario- you’re right. It’s harder to manage because you aren’t 1:1. If the parents don’t teach this when they are one to one with their child, how on earth do you expect nurseries to manage with multiple children?
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/09/2021 11:36

How would you feel if you came out and your child was gone? Answers that one.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 12/09/2021 11:42

@DoormatBob obviously you don’t keep the reins on while she’s climbing in the play area but they make sense for a bolter in other circumstances eg while in the toilet in this case! I’d definitely consider this for the next time as you can’t risk this happening again.

Also, she needs to wash her hands after being in the toilets especially if they’re grim and piss-covered. At the very least you should have marched her back in to do that.

If you didn’t want to drive an hour home, a time out could have been appropriate. She wanted to play immediately, you could have made her sit at the side for five minutes.

Sherrystrull · 12/09/2021 11:45

So many excuses.

HarrisMcCoo · 12/09/2021 11:47

"Some responses I wonder about, reins on a 3.5-4 yo? She had these when she was 2, occasionally finds them in the house and puts them on herself to play dog walking! Very dangerous in a play area imo due to getting snagged whilst climbing about."

Just be thankful your child isn't a flight risk in public places! Putting reins on my child has saved him from going into traffic. And running along alleyways near home where anyone could have snatched him. At a park reins were taken off and one parent or older DC would follow him constantly. Very very impulsive (paediatrician involvement for this reason).

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 12/09/2021 11:48

You sound like you're blaming your personality for this, as if you have no control over how you parent, and no choice but to let her unlock the door despite it being really unsafe. That's nonsense. Your job, first and foremost, above anything else, is to keep your child safe. No excuses. Take steps to make a change to your passive attitude, because in seconds a child can be injured or worse. You're the adult: start adulting.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/09/2021 11:50

Some responses I wonder about, reins on a 3.5-4 yo? She had these when she was 2, occasionally finds them in the house and puts them on herself to play dog walking! Very dangerous in a play area imo due to getting snagged whilst climbing about.

The reins are clearly for getting to and from the playground. Yes it is unusual for an older preschooler, but if you haven't managed to address her behaviour yet then you would need to keep using them until you are more certain she will be safe without them.

What happened was really dangerous.

TartanJumper · 12/09/2021 11:51

Not sure if it's one of those MN things but who really drives 1 hour plus to a day out then comes straight home when a child doesn't listen whilst in a play area? I didn't handle it well but surely this doesn't happen

My parents did, on several occasions if our behaviour was dangerous. (Well, to be fair, one would go and sit in the car with the offending child/ren and the other would go with the other well-behaving ones)
It's not even about going home- it's about a consequence. "You didn't listen and stay with me, so now we are going to sit nicely on this bench for three/five minutes before you can go and play" would have been better than nothing.

whoisit12 · 12/09/2021 11:54

I would not have let my dd out of my sight at 3 years old! Shocked you need to ask

FinallySomeNormality · 12/09/2021 11:57

YABU

Goldenbear · 12/09/2021 11:57

Wow- it is not terrible parenting to not leave the park or do a 'Time out'. Some of us like to take a different, softer approach which will achieve the same outcome. I don't agree with time outs or any such things as I think it is damaging to your relationship with your child. I have lovely, calm and trusting older children so the OP does not have to take that type of action. A three year old is pretty much a baby, I don't know how anyone could have such harsh consequences. You can explain in an age appropriate way and warm way, what is wrong with explaining this with warmth, holding them and telling them how much you love them how special they are to you and this is why you need to be safe. You don't need to teach a 3 year old that you are their adversary, that you will put them on a lead like a dog as a consequence. We had a backpack thing to keep one of toddlers safe in central London but I'm talking 18 month old not a 3 year old and it was never a threat, a consequence for not doing as they were told. It is up to you to keep them safe at that age so there shouldn't be any threatening consequences.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/09/2021 11:59

yabu

NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN · 12/09/2021 11:59

I'd rather piss my pants than leave my 3 year old unoccupied on a park on her own

RealBecca · 12/09/2021 12:05

No matter how well you play with your kids, if you were my ex i would be citing these as examples for supervised contact.

I dont care how well you play or how engaged you are, you are a danger to your child if you open them up to these situations.

Cleverpolly3 · 12/09/2021 12:07

Did you tell your wife what happened?
I’m guessing not because if you do she will probably never feel like she can relax and trust you again

Mommabear20 · 12/09/2021 12:09

I'd have marched her straight home if she'd done that with me! It takes 2 seconds for a child to be taken, is much rather have an upset child that learnt a lesson, than one that went missing!

thriftyhen · 12/09/2021 12:13

At three she should be in the cubicle with you.

Passthewinebottle · 12/09/2021 12:18

Hell no!

Macncheeseballs · 12/09/2021 12:21

Bloody hell so much perfect parenting going on, he was asking for opinions not a telling off.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 12:22

@Macncheeseballs

Bloody hell so much perfect parenting going on, he was asking for opinions not a telling off.
Perfect parenting is a completely nonsense phrase.
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 12/09/2021 12:24

Bloody hell so much perfect parenting going on,

It's not perfect parenting, it's baduc parenting not to allow your 3 year old to do as they please

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 12/09/2021 12:25

Basic*

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