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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 12/09/2021 10:20

DS 10's nursery class went all over the place, they did a public transport day, they used all forms of public transport. He has ADHD and was a bolter until he was 6. When he ran off during a school trip in year 1, the school's consequence was that he missed the next trip. It's not that hard to keep a 3 year old in a cubicle when you pee. Some parents have no common sense.

Ifonlyidknownthen · 12/09/2021 10:25

I think you just need to ask yourself how you would have felt if you hadn't been able to see/find your dd when you came out the toilets? It would have been sheer panic and potentially had horrendous consequences, it's certainly something I'd never do have 3 dc.

Burntfingerz · 12/09/2021 10:32

I could never, never leave my child unaccompanied anywhere. Let alone at aged three and in a park.

Thankfully your child is safe .

I may suggest some boundary setting with your child as there clearly isn't any.

Honestly, this is quite shocking.

HeronLanyon · 12/09/2021 10:33

The risk is indeed vanishingly small.
But that’s not the end of our parenting skills. We balance risk and consequence if it (whatever we’re assessing) did happen.
In these circs that means Imo that it was a risk too far.
Additionally all sorts of other things were risked here where the risk was pretty high - roads getting lost falls frights dogs members of public getting concerned or involved etc etc.
As worrying for me would be that my 3 year old has learned that she can run off when told not to and that nothing happened and it was all probably exciting and fun for her. What 3 year old wouldn’t want to carry on doing similar ?

SarahBop · 12/09/2021 10:34

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

DS 10's nursery class went all over the place, they did a public transport day, they used all forms of public transport. He has ADHD and was a bolter until he was 6. When he ran off during a school trip in year 1, the school's consequence was that he missed the next trip. It's not that hard to keep a 3 year old in a cubicle when you pee. Some parents have no common sense.
This is totally different scenario.

The school were wrong here, this is discrimination!!

They should have had an adult assigned specifically to care for your Son, so that he couldn't run off....he has a protected characteristic.

I'm going to presume he wasn't diagnosed with ADHD at the time of this incident [and at the time of the follow up trip which he missed] and was therefore expected to be fully present and co-operate, because otherwise, the school have committed discrimination.

JeffGoldblumsGlasses · 12/09/2021 10:36

Oh gosh no I wouldn't have left a 3 year old go alone in the park unsupervised and also let her dictate what she is doing. I don't think so little miss.

It's time to go to the toilet not play, I don't care if you don't have to, the rest of the party does need the loo. I'd have dragged her back to the toilets kicking and screaming if need be.

BoredZelda · 12/09/2021 10:36

She was in the cubicle with me but she went first then opened the door and went out

How big was the cubicle? I find it incredible to see how it is impossible to grab a 3 year old in such a confined space.

As a 37 year old man

Men have a harder time keeping their children safe? Sounds like yet another excuse for piss poor parenting.

didn’t want a tantrum

And there we have the actual reason. You gave in because it was easier for you to avoid the conflict, leaving your daughter at risk.

NowEvenBetter · 12/09/2021 10:37

Shit dads come in so many forms, it’s fascinating.

Comedycook · 12/09/2021 10:40

It's time to go to the toilet not play, I don't care if you don't have to, the rest of the party does need the loo. I'd have dragged her back to the toilets kicking and screaming if need be

Me too...but I can see that a man dragging a screaming three year old into the men's toilets would probably look quite suspicious to passer bys

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 12/09/2021 10:49

You clearly know that it wasn’t ok and have had unanimous confirmation on here that it’s not ok.

Did you speak to dc mum about it? What did she say?

Goldenbear · 12/09/2021 10:50

I have sympathy for the OP as some of us have children that are wonderers, have strong feelings about doing things their own way. My two are beyond this stage now but my DD was like this and it is not always easy when they do have very strong emotions at that age and are guided by them. My DS never did this so I do have sympathy, I think at 3 though it is a matter of dealing with it as that is very young.

rhonddacynontaf · 12/09/2021 10:52

Absolutely never would I do this. I have children with SEN who need to be watched 24/7. But even my neurotypical 3yo is way too young to be left.

JeffGoldblumsGlasses · 12/09/2021 10:55

@Comedycook

It's time to go to the toilet not play, I don't care if you don't have to, the rest of the party does need the loo. I'd have dragged her back to the toilets kicking and screaming if need be

Me too...but I can see that a man dragging a screaming three year old into the men's toilets would probably look quite suspicious to passer bys

Comedycook probably, but then when parenting who cares what anyone else thinks. I doubt in my area anyone would jump to child abduction and simply settled for dad sorting out a tantrum about the toilets. Luckily children look like their fathers in the younger years, so it's pretty easy to tell if a child belongs to a man. It's a evolutionary tactic to stop father's killing their offspring because they don't recognise them or something apparently.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 12/09/2021 10:56

I can see that a man dragging a screaming three year old into the men's toilets would probably look quite suspicious to passer bys

Same here. Unfortunately it would look different if a woman grabbed her child and dragged it kicking and screaming into the women's loos, so I can see why OP would feel uncomfortable. My main issue, in this scenario, is that there were no consequences for the disobedience. No excuse for that and it's just poor parenting, which will be doing no one any favours in the long run.

Goldenbear · 12/09/2021 10:59

I am similar to another poster though, I have never spoken about 'disobedience', never taken them home for this or anything like it. My two are really well liked by friend's parents because they are calm and rational and can think for themselves. One's a teenager and one is 10 so I don't necessarily agree that you have to be all about the extremes to gain their respect. I think it is better to teach rationality and explain at an age appropriate level the risks involved but also you don't want to scare them as they will lose some of that resilience and spirit they obviously have!

HarrisMcCoo · 12/09/2021 11:00

@metellaestinatrio

Ok, I think we can all agree OP was totally U. As others have said, my three year old would be in the cubicle with me and if she bolted I would get up and grab her. If it’s not possible to fit us both in with the door closed, I leave the door open and just wee quickly.

However, I’m curious - to all those saying they would never let their 5/6/7 year old out of their sight, do you have more than one child? I can’t always watch my 5 year old like a hawk in the playground because I am occupied with his younger siblings. I trust him not to leave the playground and check in with him regularly but the younger two need watching more closely and it’s impossible to keep them all together all the time. How do people manage this situation?

I have two older children who help me at the park (they're 14 and 11) with the two younger ones (6 and 4). I have to still watch the 6yo like a hawk. He runs fast from one piece of equipment to another. Can be gone in blink of an eye. One of my older DC have been faster than myself at catching him. I just wouldn't go to a park on my own with two youngest as they run off in different directions, only if another parent present or older DC.
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/09/2021 11:01

I wouldn’t. It’d take only a moment for some evil person to snatch a small child. I’ve often been in a panic when little Gds has temporarily been out of sight in their nearby park.

Macncheeseballs · 12/09/2021 11:06

Babybythesea, I would absolutely not expect it to happen in a nursery setting as there would be multiple carers, not the same scenario at all.

Macncheeseballs · 12/09/2021 11:07

Metellaestrsnatio, no we do not all agree

zingally · 12/09/2021 11:11

She'd have been back in the car long before she got anywhere near the slide!
Unacceptable behaviour.

Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 11:21

To clarify one point I didn't avoid a potential tantrum because of how it may look to others or being embarrassed by her behaviour. I avoided a tantrum because mens cubicles are grim and sitting in other mens piss is not acceptable to me 'to teach her a lesson.

It's the one thing I hate about taking DD out on my own and whilst I'll take the comments about being a shit dad on the chin I take DD out a lot for days out when DW is at work.

I am 'one of those' who will take DD into a Disabled/Baby change loo even though she is neither which I know is a split argument on MN!

The independent/confident thing I just mean she goes into a play area and plays, talks to other kids and plays with them. Not constantly looking back for Mummy/Daddy.

Some responses I wonder about, reins on a 3.5-4 yo? She had these when she was 2, occasionally finds them in the house and puts them on herself to play dog walking! Very dangerous in a play area imo due to getting snagged whilst climbing about.

Not sure if it's one of those MN things but who really drives 1 hour plus to a day out then comes straight home when a child doesn't listen whilst in a play area? I didn't handle it well but surely this doesn't happen.

It has given me a lot to think about in terms of what behaviour is let slip that results in this manifesting itself so thanks to all. I won't be the annoying OP who never returns because they got told some home truths.

OP posts:
snackysnacksnack · 12/09/2021 11:24

Absolutely not, she's 3 and could fall, get lost, get picked up by someone, walk into a road etc. She shouldn't be out of sight.

You should have taken her into the cubicle with you.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 12/09/2021 11:24

who really drives 1 hour plus to a day out then comes straight home when a child doesn't listen whilst in a play area?

Anyone with an iota of common sense and decent parenting would. She didn't just not listen, you allowed her to run off into a potentially dangerous situation. You need to get a handle on this now and if that means she can't play so be it.

Rivermonsters · 12/09/2021 11:26

@Seldon nah it’s funny no need to ‘rein it in’

funinthesun19 · 12/09/2021 11:26

She would have been in the cubicle with me. I have an almost 3 year old and I just couldn’t imagine leaving her on her own.

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