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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 12/09/2021 08:39

I think I would have asked a mum to watch her

KeflavikAirport · 12/09/2021 08:40

The likelihood of anyone snatching a child in the time it takes you to go to the toilet is statistically very low

True. The likelihood of running into the road and being hit by a car or falling off a slide and breaking an arm is much higher though.

FirstTimeMommy2021 · 12/09/2021 08:42

Not even bothering to read the thread as the title is enough for me to say this was extremely unreasonable !!!

Agadorsparticus · 12/09/2021 08:43

No way would I have done this. They'd have come in with me in the cubicle.

Macncheeseballs · 12/09/2021 08:53

Kevlavik, I would say the likelihood of those things happening is also extremely low

Kiduknot · 12/09/2021 08:53

Ok, it was a mistake. You realise that. The question is, how you are going to deal with this situation going forward.

Personally before entering the park, or wherever in future, I’d get down to her level, look her in the eye and explain clearly that she has to listen to daddy or there will be a consequence. Ie in this case leaving the park. You will only have to carry this out once in twice and she will learn that you mean what you say. But you must follow through if need be, or she will learn to ignore you.

Eventually you can just say there will be a consequence not what it actually will be. If you don’t say what the consequence will be, then she can’t choose whether it’s worth it or not to continue the bad behaviour. It gives you time to consider a suitable consequence and stops rash threats that you then find difficult to carry out. You can even make up a consequence so they feel they’ve had one ie “we were going to x place, but now we are not” Even though you actually had no intention of going there in the first place. Natural consequence are best if possible though.

The key is to be consistent, then you don’t need to yell or shout. Just a calm. “Remember you need to listen and follow instructions, or there will be a consequence” at the beginning.

With general bad behaviour, ask them to stop an action once. Remind them at the same time that if they choose not to stop then there will be a consequence. Say “it’s your choice”
You aren’t actually punishing them because they have chosen that option. I never used to just punish after an event. They would always get a warning and a choice to stop or continue with the behaviour and then suffer the consequence. Unless of course they’ve been warned in the past that that behaviour will always result in a

And of course don’t forget to praise good behaviour. Specifics such as well done for listening. Well done for coming when asked.etc. Not too many general “good girl” but praise specific behaviour.

Auntycorruption · 12/09/2021 08:58

@DoormatBob

That's unanimous!

She was in the cubicle with me but she went first then opened the door and went out, I followed but had to go back, I can't really hold to be honest.

Asking as I hated it and knew it wasn't right but unsure how bad it was.

I wasn't concerned she would be anywhere other than where she said, she would not have left the play area. The concerns are general safety (hurting herself) or the more sinister.

How did this even happen? If my 3 year old had opened the door while I was on the loo they'd have got a sharp "NO" and physical grabbing of their clothes if required.

You need to parent more effectively - both to to keep her safe and also to raise her to be an appropriately behaved child

KeflavikAirport · 12/09/2021 08:59

Kevlavik, I would say the likelihood of those things happening is also extremely low

Yet something like one of them happened to me two days ago. Kids falling off playground equipment and hurting themselves is not a rare occurrence.

Notmoresugar · 12/09/2021 09:02

This has got to be a wind-up.
Paedophiles go to places were there are lots of children.
Was there a pond/river/lake/cars.
She could have run in front of a swing.
Give your head a shake and parent her properly unless you want something awful to happen.

Nomorepies · 12/09/2021 09:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

ViceLikeBlip · 12/09/2021 09:06

Toilets IN the play area? Then probably I would have done the same (depending how busy it was etc) I mean, how long does it take to do a wee? If you've got two kids, you can't keep eyes on both of them every second anyway- there are always going to be minutes when you're not looking directly at one of them 🤷‍♀️

If I were an opportunistic child snatcher (which FYI are almost non existent) then I would pick a busy, chaotic park, where no one would really bat an eyelid about a child being carried out (even if they were crying).

If the child fell and hurt herself, 30 seconds wouldn't really make a difference. And if you have two kids, you can't hands-on helicopter them both at the same time, so being physically absent for maybe 1 minute really isn't a bit deal.

ViceLikeBlip · 12/09/2021 09:08

(this is of course assuming you weren't taking a 20 minute dump 😉)

CircleofWillis · 12/09/2021 09:10

@ViceLikeBlip

Toilets IN the play area? Then probably I would have done the same (depending how busy it was etc) I mean, how long does it take to do a wee? If you've got two kids, you can't keep eyes on both of them every second anyway- there are always going to be minutes when you're not looking directly at one of them 🤷‍♀️

If I were an opportunistic child snatcher (which FYI are almost non existent) then I would pick a busy, chaotic park, where no one would really bat an eyelid about a child being carried out (even if they were crying).

If the child fell and hurt herself, 30 seconds wouldn't really make a difference. And if you have two kids, you can't hands-on helicopter them both at the same time, so being physically absent for maybe 1 minute really isn't a bit deal.

He only had one child.
DonatellaVersace · 12/09/2021 09:12

Wtaf

lillypopdaisyduke · 12/09/2021 09:27

Totally irresponsible - what reaction did you expect posting this post ? How would you have lived with yourself if something had happened ..........james bulger --maddie mccann

miltonj · 12/09/2021 09:27

Just lock the door.

ViceLikeBlip · 12/09/2021 09:29

But plenty of people have two or three young kids. Some people have twins or triplets! I don't see there's much point in this guy beating himself up over a minute of his child's life in which nothing actually happened.

Every single day there are situations which don't go "text book" perfectly, or with 2 hours of hindsight and reflection we decide we could have handled better. And even when we do everything "perfectly", small, moderate, even bad accidents happen. The number of times I've been watching my kids so carefully, and I've basically just watched them hurt themselves!

The people who are absolutely horrified by this one incident will definitely have done something risky with their own child yesterday. Driving to this place in the first place was probably the most risky thing this dad did all day.

ColettesEarrings · 12/09/2021 09:31

I am firmly in the camp of parenting for independence, and of benign neglect, but jesus wept SHE'S THREE! She should be within sight at all times when out and about at that age!

londonrach · 12/09/2021 09:32

No way. In fact I'm shocked. No single mum I know would do that. I have a five year old and never leave her even now.... I'm the adult. At three I'd carry her to the toilet and take her in with me. I remember James Bulger case...

vdbfamily · 12/09/2021 09:32

So... we are all pretty clear the situation was far from ideal but OP is a man. He may well have had his back to his daughter as she went to leave the cubicle. He may even have started to pee. I think in those circumstances it would be tempting to think the pee would not take long to finish and she cannot come to much harm in that time. I think, as soon as I realised she was escaping, I would have told her she needed to wash her hands and wait for me but this is further complicated by the fact you were presumably in the men's toilets and so hanging around outside the cubicle is not ideal either. Don' t beat yourself up, just learn from it.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 12/09/2021 09:33

I told her to wait but she said no and was off

I think your biggest problem is that you have no control over a three year old.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 12/09/2021 09:38

How would you feel if staff at her nursery took her for a trip to the park and left her unsupervised!? They wouldn't even be allowed to do that within the safe locked grounds of the nursery, let alone a public park.

You didn't keep your child safe and your child doesn't respect your authority. Luckily the consequences weren't devastating this time. Also luckily she's only 3 so you can teach her to listen.

I would've immediately brought her back, gone to the toilet, then taken her home for being so rude. Then she'd remember to listen the next time.

Regularsizedrudy · 12/09/2021 09:48

I cannot believe you let this happen. I’m sorry but you are talking about her like she’s a wild animal you can’t control. If a 3 year old won’t stay where you tell them, you bloody hold them there for their own safety. It sounds like this was more about how you felt and your embarrassment than actually protecting and parenting your daughter.

TheOccupier · 12/09/2021 09:49

You sound a bit hopeless generally. OK DD was fine at the playground but next time, she could run into the road. It's not about whether this particular situation was safe, it's about her not respecting you and not doing as she's told - particularly in situations where her safety is the reason.

What are you doing to improve your assertiveness? Could you ask work for training?

z0fl0ra · 12/09/2021 09:51

April Jones.