To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

[DoormatBob]

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

You need to make the rules very clear to her.

You have to stay in the cubicle with me until I finish. IF you run away, we will go home immediately.

Then follow through

My two year old is independent- independent as in „wants to do up her own buttons even though it mean so we won’t be going to The Park for 30 minutes“

Not as in „disobeys direct commands“

I know you know you were unreasonable but some Of these comments about independent children being a symptom of neglect and that they are poorly behaved are really rubbing me the wrong way.

Aside from anything else, independent means able to do stuff for themselves and it doesn’t mean disobedient

Genuinely surprised you asked this OP. Please don't do this again. It takes seconds.

She was in the cubicle with me but she went first then opened the door and went out
I'm gobsmacked that you didn't prevent the door from being opened. You don't have to grab the child, just keep the door closed & tell her she has to wait.
Tantrum? Completely ignore and get on with your peeing.

the act of leaving the cubicle wasn't itself immediately dangerous
Of course it was. She was going unaccompanied into a public area.

You need to be far more mentally agile in seeing danger coming up and stopping it from happening.

Have you told the child's mum what happened?

No way, sorry OP.

It's not the first time though is it Bob?
You've left her in a car before while shopping .

She could have been stolen, injured, ran off. How did you live with yourself, I would have been out of my mind with worry. Negligent and dangerous. You also left her in a car?!

@DoormatBob

Not ignoring any questions. There was no consequence or punishment.

After she left the cubicle which I should've dealt with clearly I panicked a bit and as mentioned to avoid drawing unwanted attention let her do what she wanted.

Very wrong but that's what happened.

Time to toughen up, Bob. There needed to be consequences. As WorraLiberty said - "She would've been straight back out the park gates before her bum touched the slide if she did that to me."

As soon as you'd finished peeing, you should have taken her home. Yes she would have wailed like a banshee. But she wouldn't be pulling that stunt on you ever again. Without consequences - she will. You've effectively given her permission to do so.

So next time she tries that, you tell her that if she does, she will be going home - and follow through.

A thread about leaving children alone in cars while shopping:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4309823-To-think-this-isn-t-ok

OPs response:

"I have left DD a couple of times if I just need 1 or 2 items from just after age 2, when she was old enough to understand I was going in the shop and back in a minute. More reluctant now at 3.5 as she does unbuckle herself when we get somewhere but did it last week and she stayed in her seat (buckled)."

"Rear windows have privacy glass so no one can see she is in there."

Not sure why you are questioning letting your 3 year old run around a park on her own when you have left her in the car on her own since she was 2.

Shitty and lazy parenting. You sound like one of my brothers, especially the bit about wanting to avoid tantrums in public. Tough shit, tantrums in public aren't a big deal, they're just part of being a parent.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

A thread about leaving children alone in cars while shopping:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4309823-To-think-this-isn-t-ok

OPs response:

"I have left DD a couple of times if I just need 1 or 2 items from just after age 2, when she was old enough to understand I was going in the shop and back in a minute. More reluctant now at 3.5 as she does unbuckle herself when we get somewhere but did it last week and she stayed in her seat (buckled)."

"Rear windows have privacy glass so no one can see she is in there."

Not sure why you are questioning letting your 3 year old run around a park on her own when you have left her in the car on her own since she was 2.

Shitty and lazy parenting. You sound like one of my brothers, especially the bit about wanting to avoid tantrums in public. Tough shit, tantrums in public aren't a big deal, they're just part of being a parent.

Yeah something didn't seem right. Sick of these stupid threads. Quite obvious what the consensus would be.

YABVVU, lazy and crazy. You'd rather risk your dd's safety in order to save you having to deal with a tantrum. My dd is of a similar age and no way in a million years would I let her out of my sight outdoors. Even at home I check on her every few minutes. They are a danger to themselves and you as an adult should know this already. The park/playground must be having a rule saying children must be supervised by an adult at all times so if nothing else you are breaking the park/playground rules. If this post and the post made by you that has been copied into Hobnobsandbroomstick's post is real - see you on the news soon.

If they can't fecking brush their teeth and tie their shoelaces properly they ain't independent.

Not read all the replies, but even knowing what that age is like and remember it well with mine (ie running off all the time!) no way, they'd have been in the toilets with me.
Locked in the cubicle with me if needs be!!

YABU.

Toddlers can be right little escape artists. You can't be sure she won't leave the play area and get lost in the bushes, run into the road, fall in the lake, etc.

@Opalesece.
Op only has the 1 kid who is 3 nearly 4.

I am not a parent, I have never commented on a parent related thread before, but I am shocked that you allowed this to happen. I have never seen a child that young unattended in public loos and if I had seen one trying to bolt away from their parent out of the public conveniences, I would myself stop and hold them until the parent caught up - and I generally avoid interaction with children!

I think you should have taken her straight home after that and she needed a good telling off. She needs to understand when there is a line not to cross and you failed to do that too.

@ANameChangeAgain

You know it wasn't great but nothing went wrong. Just have a plan or better control in place so it doesn't happen again. Having two children in a toilet cubicle with you isn't fun, especially when you are sitting there and one of them is opening and closing the door!

Not this time. re your first sentence. But that is not the point.

@Aprilx

I am not a parent, I have never commented on a parent related thread before, but I am shocked that you allowed this to happen. I have never seen a child that young unattended in public loos and if I had seen one trying to bolt away from their parent out of the public conveniences, I would myself stop and hold them until the parent caught up - and I generally avoid interaction with children!

I think you should have taken her straight home after that and she needed a good telling off. She needs to understand when there is a line not to cross and you failed to do that too.

Perfect reply. When I read the title I thought I must be misunderstanding. Then winced. SO risky

OP I have read most of thread but all of your replies a few things stood out.

Firstly the biggest danger for me isn’t her falling but her wandering off either some or with someone. What if she had wondered to the road or river or something? What if someone had seen she was alone and took her? It only takes a second or two.

Secondly with regards to tantrums in the toilet was it the location or the actual tantrum that was concerning you?

If it was the actual tantrum nobody will care honestly! You might get the odd look or sympathetic smile but nobody really gives two monkeys most are just greatful it’s not their own child having a tantrum at that moment.

If it’s the location whilst not pleasant it wouldn’t kill her.

With regards to holding onto her male or female it doesn’t matter she wasn’t safe running out of the cubicle this is one of those times where grabbing her is ok. So long as you’re not loosing your ability to control yourself then she will be fine.

What your daughter has learnt today is that Daddy says no and I can ignore and do as I choose. You should have taken her straight home. Yeah she would scream and tantrum but she would learn and hopefully not do it again in a hurry.

Learning boundaries is vital for a child especially at her age. Picking your battles is also key. For example leaving the toilet cubicle is a no no with the result you go home. Whether she wears her red wellies or blue ones is the time she can choose and do as she wants.

What she did in my view and your response is quite serious.

Rod for your own back. They’ll love you at school when she arrives with no boundaries. Parent your child. Keep her safe and make her well-being your priority.

I would have taken her in the cubicle with me and for doing something so naughty we would have gone home.

OP has clearly been living under a rock re the little girl in Portugal, naming no names.

It has to be said, because unless we remind ourselves and each other how easy it is for a child to be taken away, in such a wide range of contexts, there will always be tragedies, and the "if only"s that are too late to agonise over, after the fact.

Absolutely no way I would do this. It is not safe.

OP, I think you realise that was a very dangerous thing to have done. That’s good in that you aren’t minimising the risks. But never do that again! My heart is in my mouth at the thought of leaving my 3 year old unattended like that.

Straight home for not following instructions! No ifs. No buts. Straight home