To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

[DoormatBob]

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

the act of leaving the cubicle wasn't itself immediately dangerous.
I don't know why you insist on this. She ran into the park alone, and as you put it "played unsupervised". It's hardly running under the wheels of a juggernaut, but why do you wave aside the notion that it wasn't safe?

Again not a justification but I wouldn't risk a tantrum in the men's toilets, they aren't nice.

Eh?

Look, until you learn to start parenting your daughter and showing her that negative actions have negative consequences, you are putting her at risk.

I'm sure you don't want to be doing that, so the sooner you learn this the better.

There was a happy outcome this time but next time you/she might not be as lucky.

Yes. You ABU. I cant believe you are asking the question . she is 3 years old. You are a grown up. Hiw old are you? Why do you think it's ok to let her go off unseen and unsafe in a public park.

God no, but then again, I take my dog in the cubicle with me at the park in case someone pinches her while I'm in there!

If I spotted a 3 year old alone in a park, I'd ring the Police. You put her at risk OP. Safeguard your child.

The chances of her getting snatched in those few minutes are pretty low.
Would I have chanced it? Not a chance in hell would I let a 3 year old out of my sight.

When I was 4 my elder sister did this while she 'popped' into a shop.
The memory is vague but I can remember I panicked and ran all the way home along a very busy road.
She arrived home later and told mum I'd ran off. NO, she'd left me!!
It wouldn't have entered my head to leave my DD at that age or even older, not for a second. YABVU to even think it.

With hindsight yes but as a 37yo male physically restraining feels awful when the act of leaving the cubicle wasn't itself immediately dangerous.

It was dangerous. Why do you keep insisting it wasn’t? She was going outside, out of sight, unsupervised. At 3 years old that is dangerous.

Again not a justification but I wouldn't risk a tantrum in the men's toilets, they aren't nice. I should've made it perfectly clear before going in but I didn't expect what she did. She isn't often like that.

Far better to risk a tantrum than risk your child getting hurt or lost.

And the fact you say “she isn’t often like that” also shows your insistence that you knew what she’d do when she ran out is wrong.
If she was that predictable then you’d have been able to predict her running out.

Now she knows that when you say no she can just run out anyway.

What happens next time the toilets or shop or car she runs out of are next to a road or the likes?

I think the points about safety have been made and accepted. Just buy some reins for her OP, so it doesn’t happen again.

Haven't RTFT but YABU. A three YO alone in a park, even for a few minutes, is just scary. It takes seconds for an abduction, pictures to be taken of her, or most likely just for her to think "Dad is not watching! I'll climb up here/jump off this/try and run down the slide.". A good one to remember is "Dont do something with your child that would make you look back if it went wrong and made the national news.", and this would make you look worse than bad.

100% go with a tantrum over leaving her by herself. She can get over a tantrum more easily than what could go wrong.

I think this was a real error of judgement - of course it feels awkward or bad to be the parent grabbing or restraining a misbehaving child, but your embarrassment is much less important than her safety!

I'm sure men's toilets aren't great, but if she is 3 then you can pick her up. Being afraid to parent in case a child has a tantrum will not work in the long run.

I hope you have a plan about how to ensure it doesn't happen again - several of us have given practical advice e.g. wearing reins until you are confident she won't run, and going home the instant she does. But you'll have to repair the damage of her benefitting from running this time.

Very bad idea.

Yeah it's annoying but they need to be in sight.

She's disobedient not independent and confident.

@Detest

She's 3? I wouldn't even leave her outside the cubicle, never mind let her run off. And I'm a very relaxed parent.

100% agree.

She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.
How does this independence usually manifest itself, given that she's three?

Well you cocked up twice. Once by letting her run off and twice by not taking her immediately home again.

If you were the father of my child, I'd be absolutely livid.

You don't like the idea of physically restraining her or speaking loudly in public - well imagine being interviewed by the police, imagine giving interviews to the media about your missing daughter. Imagine giving statements to the hospital and social services about injuries sustained in the playground when you were not present.
I'm guessing pulling her back into the cubicle and giving out to her for trying to leave doesn't seem so bad now?

@Terminallysleepdeprived

1) this has to be a reverse

But if not

2)why on earth are you allowing a 3 year old to dictate to you
3) you need to thank your lucky stars nothing happened to her. What in the hell were you thinking?

Proof that some people should not be allowed to procreate

A reverse?

You mean you think this is the 3 year old writing how didn't make her stay with her?

Proof that some people should not be allowed to procreate
Well that's not on, for a start

Are you able to access a parenting course (maybe try HV or surestart) I’d take this as a wake up be thankful she’s ok and take steps to address. No wonder she’s saying no and running off if no consequences. She needs to listen to adult in charge for safety. Is she just like this with you (as she knows she can get away with it) or at nursery etc.

2 minutes is a hell of a long time in this situation.

You are lucky she stayed playing where you could find her. My friends dd , same age, disappeared in way less time than that when friend was distracted for a few seconds by dds older sibling. We eventually found her in a separate park area playing happily and oblivious to the panic she’d caused, and yes she’d managed to find her way through the one gate. It took us 10-15 minutes to find her but it felt like longer.

But in this case you knew your dd was going and you didn’t stop her, you seriously need to man up and take control of a 3 year old,
So what if she tantrums, she is not in charge here!
If my dh did that he’d have his balls handed to him on a plate.

I would have run after her and taken her to the loo with me then straight home for running off like that. She has to.learn.to do as you tell her for her own safety.