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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 00:11

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

From your username, I'm guessing you are a man?

Do men really struggle to hold their pee in that much?!

How does a 3 year old even reach the toilet cubicle lock?

Yes I'm the dad.

No they don't which is why it's very hard for me to deal with the fact I can't, it is a medical issue but yeah it's socially unacceptable for men and I've suffered a lot of anxiety through my life with this. However that doesn't justify or change anything that happened today.

She is nearer 4, tall for age but still cubicle lock is below her head height (approx 1m?) or lower, they are door handle height

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 12/09/2021 00:12

The question is, why are you deliberately ignoring all the posters asking what consequence/punishment you gave her for disobeying you and running off?

🙋‍♀️

I can answer this: there were none!

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/09/2021 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BathMatToe · 12/09/2021 00:13

I've taken mine home for running off. Gave a warning that if they did it would be home.
They screamed a lot all the way home.

You need to practice your assertiveness.

TinselTime21 · 12/09/2021 00:13

No chance even if was our tiny local park we go to daily.
And if my dd disrespected my request like that I would drag her home and no park.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 12/09/2021 00:14

Piss poor parenting

Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 00:16

Not ignoring any questions. There was no consequence or punishment.

After she left the cubicle which I should've dealt with clearly I panicked a bit and as mentioned to avoid drawing unwanted attention let her do what she wanted.

Very wrong but that's what happened.

OP posts:
WTF99 · 12/09/2021 00:16

Would you leave your handbag unattended in the park for 2 minutes? No? Then why your 3 year old?
YABVU

avamiah · 12/09/2021 00:16

@bluetongue

Chances of her being taken are tiny but 3 year olds have zero road sense. What’s to stop her wandering onto a road?
Are you Stupid ?

What does Tiny mean ?

Your comment turns my stomach.

BathMatToe · 12/09/2021 00:16

I'd be livid if my husband told me this. I'd be do anxious about him going out.
I'm not saying you do this, but I see so many men at the park just on their phone or not being aware off their children. I'd assume that's what you were like.

NoWordForFluffy · 12/09/2021 00:17

What did your partner / spouse say when you regaled your sorry tale to them about your utter ineffectiveness?

faithfulbird20 · 12/09/2021 00:17

Are people seriously talking about 'punishing' a 3 year old? What?

How about sit down and make her understand how wrong it was at first.

To the OP, I just assumed you were the mum sorry. I'm not sure what my husband would do if he needed the toilet. I think he'd hold it in and bring my daughter back home as quick as he could.

I'd say don't ever leave her alone.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 00:17

There was no consequence or punishment.
Why?

Mammyloveswine · 12/09/2021 00:18

I still take my 5 (almost 6) year old into the loo with me! He uses his own cubicle but knows to wait fit me! 3 year old comes in with me.. because he's 3 and still tiny

Yabu

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 00:19

Are people seriously talking about 'punishing' a 3 year old? What?
Consequence, not corporal punishment 🤨

Pallisers · 12/09/2021 00:19

It isn't ok to leave a 3/4 year old alone like that in a public place - ever.

But if it happens because of the 3/4 year old defying her mother's instructions and running off then there must be consequences as in we are going home right now because you ignored me and ran off. It is the constant iteration of this kind of thing that changes behaviour - not punishment but repeating what you expect and removing a child from the place when they don't listen. I don't think I ever punished my children - no naughty step etc but by god if a 3 year old had left me with my knickers down in a stall and run off I'd have removed her from that park as soon as I got my hands on her and told her it was because of her not listening to me for such an important thing.

BathMatToe · 12/09/2021 00:21

@GreyhoundG1rl

There was no consequence or punishment. Why?
Because he didn't want a scene.

Oh dear. OP she's three. What's gonna happen when she's 13?

"Im going to the party and I'll be back when I want".

Pallisers · 12/09/2021 00:21

@DoormatBob

Not ignoring any questions. There was no consequence or punishment.

After she left the cubicle which I should've dealt with clearly I panicked a bit and as mentioned to avoid drawing unwanted attention let her do what she wanted.

Very wrong but that's what happened.

live and learn, OP. We've all had moments in raising children where we didn't do the right thing.

But honestly, I think you need to get a grip on who is in charge here. it is you not her. she needs you to be in charge. it might be hard but you can do it.

OhWhyNot · 12/09/2021 00:23

Of course I wouldn’t

Original poster
DoormatBob · 12/09/2021 00:23

@Ionlydomassiveones

“My child would have been gotten hold of by the arm the second they tried to open the stall door with a loud "Don't you dare!!".”

This. ^

With hindsight yes but as a 37yo male physically restraining feels awful when the act of leaving the cubicle wasn't itself immediately dangerous.

Again not a justification but I wouldn't risk a tantrum in the men's toilets, they aren't nice. I should've made it perfectly clear before going in but I didn't expect what she did. She isn't often like that.

OP posts:
QueenFreesia2021 · 12/09/2021 00:24

She is very independent and confident

No child at that age is independent. Strong willed maybe, but they do have the skills to be independent.

In your situation I would have gone and got her and brought her back with me to the toilet. I would also have given her a row for not listening and running away.

QueenFreesia2021 · 12/09/2021 00:24

Damn it…do not

FunTimes2020 · 12/09/2021 00:25

Come on now, you need to man up and parent or you will have a right madam on your hands. You should have given her a good telling off and taken her straight home. Children have to learn to listen, often for their own safety.

Moonshine5 · 12/09/2021 00:26

No

BathMatToe · 12/09/2021 00:26

Hmm ok Bob.
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