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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents refuse to babysit..

109 replies

Tablelamp · 11/09/2021 20:08

I've been looking for work and my mum and dad said they would be happy to help with the school run and occasional Saturday or sunday with my 7 year old. Would be probably only twice a week, three times at most for an hour or 2 after school and sometimes half a day Saturday. The job is only part time.

My child is well behaved, grandparents live over the road, school is a very short 5 minute walk away.

I'm supposed to be starting work tomorrow, they know this. It was all arranged but today when I was checking in again about tomorrow I got told they hope it's not going to be a regular thing.. they can't commit to it. Even though they told me they where happy to help so I applied for jobs, went to interviews and got a part time office job.

It looks like I can't take the job now. No childcare for the weekend as my oh works every other weekend. The job isn't able to accommodate me not working weekends. I'm so disappointed to have got this far then told no. Shouldn't they have just said no from the start.

I'm even more skint now after paying out for work shoes and interview clothes.

OP posts:
Emelene · 11/09/2021 20:10

Are they aware that you will now not be able to work? Have you asked them directly what has changed?

I don’t think anyone owes you childcare but in this situation where it has been promised I don’t think you’re being unreasonable x

Lozzalou9191 · 11/09/2021 20:11

Would it be every weekend? It says at the beginning of your post ‘the occasional’ Saturday or Sunday so perhaps they assumed every now and again not a weekly commitment

ShrimpBarbarian · 11/09/2021 20:12

@Emelene

Are they aware that you will now not be able to work? Have you asked them directly what has changed?

I don’t think anyone owes you childcare but in this situation where it has been promised I don’t think you’re being unreasonable x

They haven't said they won't look after dc tomorrow, they just don't want it to be regular.

Op will have to do what many many others do, and find some childcare

rookiemere · 11/09/2021 20:12

Sorry but occasional does not look like 3 x 2hrs weekly plus every other weekend.

Whinginadeville · 11/09/2021 20:12

Ask them to help you get started til you find other care

ShrimpBarbarian · 11/09/2021 20:13

No childcare for the weekend as my oh works every other weekend. The job isn't able to accommodate me not working weekend

No reason you can't work the weekends your oh isn't working and then occasionally use your parents

MaizeBlouse · 11/09/2021 20:13

Were they aware from the start that it would be regular childcare? There's a big difference from 'once in a while' to 3 times a week (which you say isn't a lot but it is imo)

If they knew it would be this much, an they agreed then they are being unreasonable to change thier mind so late on.

SW1amp · 11/09/2021 20:15

Have you looked into after school clubs for the midweek days?

And a sports or activity club for the weekend days?

How old are your DC?

Chicchicchicchiclana · 11/09/2021 20:15

3 times a week after school plus a half day Saturday is quite a lot OP. Sometimes it will work out like this. That means they are committed to childcare 4 days a week (even if it's not all day) but that's quite limiting.

Darkstar4855 · 11/09/2021 20:15

Maybe they would be willing to do the weekends if you organised after school club or child minder on the weekdays? It’s annoying but if they said “occasional” weekends that would mean once a month or so to me, not every week.

Cait73 · 11/09/2021 20:17

@Chicchicchicchiclana but if they previously suggested they would?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/09/2021 20:17

@rookiemere

Sorry but occasional does not look like 3 x 2hrs weekly plus every other weekend.
Agree, that’s a lot not the occasional help.

You need to find paid for childcare.

RedMarauder · 11/09/2021 20:17

@Lozzalou9191

Would it be every weekend? It says at the beginning of your post ‘the occasional’ Saturday or Sunday so perhaps they assumed every now and again not a weekly commitment
This.

You misinterpreted what they said.

If they were going to babysit to enable you to work every weekend you should have told them so they could have offered.

853ax · 11/09/2021 20:22

Occasional weekend should be easier /cheaper b then regular after school. A student or young adult who works during week could like a babysitting job at weekend. Especially when it not every Sat. If week day regular better get after school club or nursery
I think it reasonable for parents not to take on commitment of regular babysitting but can be ok stand by to help out e.g child sick can't go to after school club.

Cattitudes · 11/09/2021 20:22

At 7 I would look for an after school club and maybe a teenager on the weekend if only for a half day.

Gazelda · 11/09/2021 20:23

Could you use after school care so that at worst you'd be asking them to have DC every other Saturday?

Cynderella · 11/09/2021 20:23

We only have one grandchild, but have looked after her full time since the age of one. Mon - Fri 9-5 now, but it use to be shifts that varied from week to week and included weekends. While I'd never have said no, we were so glad when the weekends stopped. I was working full-time, so I didn't do the weekday care unless it was school hols, but the weekend didn't feel like a break when I was grannying.

So, I'd say a lot depends on what else they do. Also what they want to do. I love having kids around, so it was fine for me, but not everyone wants that. And finally, when you've looked after your own children every day for years and then stopped, starting again is hard work! If it was me, I'd help you whenever I could, but I wouldn't judge anyone who'd rather not!

SpindleWhorl · 11/09/2021 20:25

I think they mean 'not indefinitely'.

saraclara · 11/09/2021 20:25

You needed to have had a more focused conversation before you applied for jobs. They clearly had a different impression about how often they'd be needed than you did.

I get the impression that the conversation was casual, and you went ahead thinking they were more committed than they were. 3x a week plus a weekend day is a LOT, and prevents them making other plans or being spontaneous.

Cornishclio · 11/09/2021 20:25

If they said they would do it then backed out at the last minute then that is unreasonable. However I wonder if you laid it out exactly how much help you needed. I do one days childcare, occasionally 2 for my 2 grandchildren but tying up 3 weekdays and every other weekend (how many hours over the weekend?) is very restricting so I would not agree to that either. Is there no after school club and you just ask them to help on the weekends your OH is not able to?

hiredandsqueak · 11/09/2021 20:26

When you asked for occasional help that doesn't mean a regular committment so YABU. I'm a Granny providing childcare and can't say I enjoy it but I agreed to two days and will continue as agreed. If dd came asking for days outside of the agreement I'd say no tbh and expect her to pay for childcare.

AdriannaP · 11/09/2021 20:28

As others said use afterschool clubs for during the week, OH for weekends he doesn’t work and ask parents to cover one weekend a month and pay a babysitter for the other weekend. Shouldn’t cost you that much extra. A 7 year old should be ok in an afterschool club 2-3 times a week, they are not that expensive.

AdriannaP · 11/09/2021 20:28

Half a day Saturday you can cover with a responsible teenager or student.

Wole · 11/09/2021 20:29

You need to sit down and ask exactly what they can offer to help with. It doesn't sound like you've done this.

AdriannaP · 11/09/2021 20:29

You could also ask if another school mum would babysit for money eg on the school whatsapp group or something.

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